19 Days and Counting...

Nineteen days until I'm a wife. Nineteen. I can't believe it- it's coming and it's coming fast. Sometimes I'm filled with waves of nervousness when what-if's flood my mind, but most of the time I'm overflowing with excitement (the kind that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time).

I haven't written much in well, a few months, because honestly I haven't been sure how to put everything into words. I am currently living at home, working as a substitute teacher by day and at a childcare center by night. My weekends consist of wedding planning, apartment cleaning and commuting back and forth between home and what will be home. I've been applying to any teaching job that I see- with no real response and spend far too much time on pinterest finding ideas for my dream classroom and home.
Lifes been busy, life's been strange but this season has been short.

Living at home has been difficult, after not really full time living here since high school it has been an adjustment. I've changed, my parents have changed and it's been a struggle at times to see eye to eye- but it has really challenged me to grow.

So many changes are coming, so many things I could worry about but I KNOW God's got it. I really need to rest in that.

God's really been teaching me in this season that, in all seasons, HE is constant and He is in control.

Example: just a few weeks ago I was really worried about what I was going to do for a summer job (since subbing would end in early June and my income would stop). I had a few interviews that in the end had sounded really promising but I hadn't heard a response. So two weeks ago I had some serious time with God where I decided to let it go and give it all to Him- and wouldn't you know I got a job offer for each of the jobs I had applied for, and not only that- one of the jobs I had applied as a camp counselor at a small camp and they offered me the position of camp coordinator! I am beyond excited about this job- so much work to do, but it's going to be so worth it- I can just feel it :) If that's not proof God is faithful, I don't know what is!

So right now, in these days leading up to one of the most pivotal moments in my life I'm taking time to just be with God. To anchor my heart and my life deep in Him.

If you think of it over the next few weeks, could you pray for us? Could you pray that in these days leading up to our wedding that Christ would continue to grow us and root us in Him, that our marriage would be fully founded in His truths and that the gospel would be evident not only on our wedding day but through our lives. That our focus would be now and forevermore on Him. Thanks :)

God is GOOD.

Hey!

My brother and sister have gone back to school, we finally had our first *winter* snow (it snowed back in October, but that was technically fall...so therefore it doesn't really count- right?). I'm getting into the groove of living back at home with my parents. I organized and cleaned the room that has been 'mine' for my entire life- came across a few treasures and a few changes to make it more home-y for me the next few months. I've spent my days applying to jobs, watching Friends, testing out some pinterest ideas and wedding planning (can you believe it's just 15 weeks away!).

God has been teaching me a significant amount during these days of quiet. He's been reminding me that life isn't about my plans and how I want things to go- but about Him and His perfect plans. He's been leading me in taking a look at where I place my identity and being defined by Him and nothing else. Finally He's been teaching me to let go, give Him control and rest in His provision and care. Some days this learning is tough and even painful but I know that He is using this season to refine me and draw me closer to Him- so it is beyond worth it.

In the past two weeks I have had five interviews, with a sixth tomorrow and I've gotten two job offers (which I have accepted)- talk about provision! God's also been opening doors for employment after the wedding, which is awesome! I went to an interview today for tssing/respite care and they mentioned they recently opened an office where I will be living after we're married and that they're looking to employ people there for those positions! How awesome is that! God is providing & I know He will continue to do so.

Student Teaching

Hello :)
So it's been far too long since I've posted but life has had some changes and I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm halfway through my second week of student teaching in third grade. I am loving it- my co-op is awesome, the kids are great and I already have so many funny stories I can hardly remember them all.
Last week was pretty hectic, Monday the kids started and all was well until lunch time on Wednesday when my cooperating teacher had a family emergency and had to leave suddenly. We had just started any sort of content that morning and since the classes rotate 3 times 1 1/2 of the class periods were finished by lunch- leaving 1 1/2 more classes left for the day. The school placed someone in the room with me who said "you've been here so you'll bee fine to teach- right" YIKES! It turned out great though, she tag-teamed everything with me and it all turned out fine. My teacher ended up being out the rest of the week and between the sub and I things were kept running and the routine was kept. In the end I'm really thankful for the experience.

Sometime last week I saw this quote by Ann Voskamp which was such a great reminder:

"Because it's never about your capabilities. When you're in covenant with Christ, it's His responsibility to cover your cracks, to be all your competency and completeness. Inabilities, in Christ, are made all-sufficient, just-right abilities. Abandon worries and wholly abide."

I have a feeling I may attach that to my binder for this semester somewhere. It's SO not about what we can do, but all about what God is doing through us. Love that.

"Kisses from Katie"

So awhile ago I started following a blog called Kisses from Katie. On the blog, Katie a girl so close in age to me, shares her heart for God and how he is using her in Uganda. Her life is so powerful and encouraging. She is has written a book sharing about what God has been doing in her and through her in Uganda that will release in the fall that I can't wait to read. Today I found a video of her speaking a few years ago about her ministry and thought I would share it!





If only we all would cling to Christ with such reckless abandon, if only we would let go of living for ourselves and live for Him with all that we have- how awesome would it be? How clearly would Christ's light shine through us in this world?! Katie is such a clear picture of what it looks like to put Christ and God's will first in your life, to let go of our own plans and seek Him and His perfect plan.

Before the Throne

Week six over: six down, three to go. It's crazy how fast the weeks have gone! This time four weeks from now I'll be gearing up for my first full week of student teaching! So exciting!

I've written before about how much I love worship lyrics, especially hymns and how much can be conveyed through them. I've spent the last few nights listening to worship music, reading and working on some projects for fun- so refreshing! Tonight there are some big storms going through the area and, with the rain beating against my window, I've been listening/singing/playing guitar along with some worship songs and stopped to listen carefully to the words to "Before the Throne", SUCH an encouraging song! Check out these lyrics:

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great high Priest who’s name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair
and tells me of the guilt within
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
Because a sinless Savior died
my sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me
to look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Praise the One Risen Son of God.

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The King of Glory and of grace
One in Himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God
With Christ my Savior and my God

It's so incredibly humbling to remember that Christ died as a sacrifice taking on our full payment for sin, He took our place, and we are completely undeserving. We are loved, we are known, we are redeemed, forever by the unchangeable God.


(p.s. I realize this video is kind of strange to post but I found it and just loved this girl's voice too much to not share it!)

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." Ephesians 1:7-10

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

Seeking Him in ALL

As I've been reading through the old testament it has become completely clear that God's purpose through each situation is to draw us deeper into Him. I fully believe that God is working in each of our lives each day to mold us and shape us to be more like Him in order to bring Him glory. He is faithful through all and only when we are fully resting in Him will we be satisfied.

This past week at the beach I started reading a book called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman, it is one amazing book so far and I encourage you to read it. At various points in the book Mary stops and explains how she has seen God working through the difficult times to prepare them for what was to lay ahead, to bring them closer to Him. I have been beyond blessed to not have any extremely difficult times in my life thus far yea I've had times of sadness, loneliness, and hurt but I haven't had to endure sickness, loss or death in the way that many people have. It's so encouraging to me to hear other peoples stories and know that as they are walking through the darkness they still see Him, that they hear His call and are pushed closer into Him.

I found this story today and it, once again, shares about how God uses situations to draw us closer to Him. This is Aaron Shust explaining an amazing piece of His story.


I pray that no matter what situations I am faced with that I would press in to Christ deeper than before that I would trust Him no matter what, that I would rest in His arms and know that He is faithful. I pray that when all comes crashing down around those that I love that they would see this too and cling to Christ. I pray that when the lives of those around me shatter that He would give me to words to encourage them to press deeper into Him and know that He is sovereign and beyond good.

"Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream." - Larry Crabb

Faithfulness

Happy Fourth of July!

Today most of America is firing up the grills, heading to parades and getting their blankets ready for dusk to catch lightning bugs and watch the fireworks. I'm not entirely sure what I will get into today, I have a few things I'd like to do but honestly if all I did was watch the fireworks from the top of my street that would be okay with me :). Here's what I did last July 4th, not sure that picture will leave my head today.

If I could sum up what God's been teaching me these past few weeks in one phrase it would be that He is faithful. I've been reading through some of the old testament stories: Hosea, Joel, and I'm part-way through Amos and it's been amazing to see how through all the books God is using whatever situations His people are in to draw them back to Him. Most of the situations that his people are in are one's that they have brought upon themselves by living selfishly and desiring to live as if from this world. He doesn't like how they are acting and how their hearts are so against Him, but He never ever leaves them and continues to desire to have their whole hearts and lives. The same goes for us too. No matter what situations we have going in our lives at any given moment God is faithful through them and is working in and through it all- that's pretty incredible stuff! He is faithful.

This past week I started reading through a book called "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper. It's a book about the biblical vision and purpose of marriage, so far it's really opened my eyes a lot to how vastly different the world's view of marriage is from God's original purpose for it. So far in the book Piper has made two points the build the foundation of what a biblical view of marriage is: It is God's design, and it is for God's glory- it is a display of His glory. It is a picture of how we as a believing body are the bride to Jesus, our bridegroom.
We are sinful, self-centered people yet God sent his sin-less son to die so we could spend eternity with Him. God sacrificed something so dear to Him for us because He was willing to do whatever it took to have us as His children.

"Christ will never leave his wife. Ever. There may be times of painful distance and tragic backsliding on our part. But Christ keeps his covenant forever. Marriage is a display of that! That is the ultimate thing we can say about it. It puts the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love on display." - John Piper

Marriage is to put His covenant-keeping faithful love on display. He is faithful.

In church, the pastor has been going through the book of Judges. Today we went through chapters 8-9 which talked about Abimelech and Gideon- the main point of the message was that our choices have consequences but God does not just sit and watch us bring our lives to shambles from our selfish living- but continues to draw us near to Him, to call us to turn to Him. He is faithful.

Yesterday afternoon I went to visit family in New Jersey with my parents. On the car ride over I had quite a bit of time to think. I thought about how faithful God has been in my life and how he has turned every situation for His good. I thought about how he perfectly pieced things together when I was very young to lead my parents to send me to a daycare run by a church, which we eventually ended up attending. It was where I learned about Christ, and without it who knows what my life would be like today and if I would even know His truth.I think about high school and college and the situations I've been in- they haven't all been easy and most certainly I would not want to repeat many of them but God used them for His glory, he never left and he turned it all for His purposes and there is no regrets in Him. When I look back on my life I see God's hand. I see how He has been faithful, he has known what He's doing and it's all worked out for His good. Thinking through the lives of the people closest to me, I see it too. He is faithful.

It's so amazing to think about how different life would be if even one thing would have been different, if one piece was missing. I'm so grateful for all that God has done in my life for every experience and for how He's molding me to be more like Him. We serve a mighty God and words can't express all He is and all He's done and is doing.

Know today that God's hand is faithfully working in your life for His good. Each experience is just a brushstroke in the magnificent painting He's making out of our lives, and whole painting just a small paint splatter in His GRAND masterpiece.

Mashed Potato Hugs

Today was my last day at placement. I spent the morning teaching the most crucial skills of hula hooping and hopscotch in the warm sunlight. Once inside I discussed with three girls their paintings and noticed one girl has been continuously making pictures of her at the "big school." Kindergarten registration has come and gone and the majority of the children in the class have gone to visit their 'big schools' and the conversations about them and how different it will be have been flowing for a few weeks. I spent a good chunk of the rest of my day listening to and trying to calm some the fears of three small girls going to Kindergarten in the fall. We read books, looked at pictures and I shared with them what I remember about Kindergarten and what Kindergarten was like when I taught in it last semester. It really got me thinking about how often instead of embracing and being excited about life changes I fear them and avoid that they will be coming soon. I feel like fearing change and the future is some what natural. I've hit an age in life where most everyone around me is taking the leap of leaving home, leaving college, moving into searching for a career and becoming adults. It is a scary time, transition and change are full of unknowns and it's usually not the most comfortable thing but looking back there are so many events and changes in life that if we let fear take over and avoided them completely we would not be the people we are today.

God uses the difficult things, the hard things, the transitions to refine us, to make us more like Him- to be the people He created.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." - 1 Peter 1:6-7

Even though the girls I talked with this morning are only five, they have fears and worries about their future- though those fears seem small to us they are GIGANTIC to them. We all know that Kindergarten is not so scary a place, once you've been there and that once it turns time to move onto middle school similar feelings of fear start to arise but then we realized it really wasn't soooo bad. Just like those fears seem small to us now and how they molded us into who we are; our worries about where we'll work, live, what we'll be in five years will shape us into who we will be. God knows where we'll be in five years, and what we'll be doing- He's held each of us through our entire lives- He's drawn us into Him and He will continue to do so into eternity. We have no reason to worry or fear because the God who made the universe holds our little lives in the palm of His hand and He won't let us go.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." - Psalm 62:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:11-13

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:28-33

Today as I left to head to my last college classes of my undergrad, I left my little pre-kers eating their lunch of turkey and mashed potatoes. I stood at the door and said goodbyes to them all, told them I will miss them, that I hope that I'll see them again some day, wished them a good rest of the year. I was then stampeded by eighteen four and five year olds covered in mashed potatoes giving me the biggest group hug I've ever received. I sincerely will miss them, I don't know what the God has planned for their lives but I pray that they will come to know Him, rest all of their worries and cares in Him, and walk in His glorious plan for their lives.

Conqueror, Provider, Protector

Happy (belated) Easter! He's alive!

I spent the morning with my family eating jelly beans and chocolate eggs for breakfast. Then headed to church, and home for leisurely ham lunch before I headed out to Lancaster to spend a little bit of the day with Ethan's family, and have some more ham.



On my drive out to Lancaster and then the rest of the way to school between belting out songs along with whatever cd I had in at the time I thought about how many different qualities God has and how truly faithful He is and has been in my life.

Let me go back to the beginning of my weekend.

Friday night I hurried home after a short visit to Lancaster for lunch because I had an interview with a potential family for nannying this summer. I walked in the door when I got home to my mom yelling throughout the house "Dinner's ready, come sit down!" I dropped my bags in my room and headed to the table to realize it was one of my favorite home meals (Fried eggplant Parmesan with fresh tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil mmmm mmm mmmm!!)! They made it special for my weekend homecoming :)

After dinner I went to my interview. I have been looking for a second job to supplement working at camp this summer. I really wanted to spend this last summer home working at camp again, ministering to the kids and loving on kids in a way that at camp you only can. Without working during the school year and planning a wedding and things like moving out I was in need of a little bit more than what I would be making at camp alone- and after all I'm not really at camp for the money. I shyed away from working at a store because I knew it would be really difficult to get the hours in around my camp schedule; I called a few places for tutoring and things like that but the doors were shut immediately. A few months ago I had joined an online nannying service and I saw that a woman ten minutes from my house was looking for care for her baby that fit my camp schedule so perfectly, so I applied. The family was SO nice and the little girl SO adorable! andddd.... I got the job! God provides! That job just fit soooo perfectly that I know it was His hand leading that fully!

Saturday morning I got to spend almost the entire day with my friend, Kari, and at as always it was such a blessing just to talk and hang out together. Our hearts are so alike and she is the one friend who knows me better than I know myself, who will be completely honest, and I can do/say almost anything and she'll still accept me for who I am. She's the loving,genuine, godly friend that God has provided me with along this journey, who I don't know what I would do without.



That night her and I went to visit our other good friend Brittany. Late at night (around 9:30) the three of us decided, like typical college students, that we were going to go to get some Rita's water ice. Then came a pretty scary event: After Kari had ordered and Britt was ordering I was glancing around our surroundings and saw a man in a hoodie and mask walking briskly towards us! He came right next to me and said to the three of us "Get the __ out of here!" my friend yelled "Run girls!" we ran to my car, locked the doors, and I turned my car on. Scary stuff. We saw the man run off into a neighborhood behind the Rita's so I turned my car off, figuring the police would be there soon, and they were. The police asked us to stay around because the three of us were really the only ones who got a good look at him, and were the main witnesses since we were the only ones at Rita's. They asked us what happened and what he looked like over and over again to get a solid description and then asked us if we could get in a car with them to identify a suspect they had found nearby. It turned out that we didn't think that they man they found was the same guy, and I'm not sure what happened to him afterwards but what keeps hitting me is what could have happened. He could have had a weapon, so much could have happened, but it didn't and I'm so grateful. God is the ultimate protector and He was with us through that whole night, just like He is every day. I'm still a little shaken up about that night, but I know that I have the one who conquered sin and death and fear through the cross and resurrection living inside of me and I have no reason to be afraid in any situation.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Romans 8:28-379