Teaching

I have wanted to be a teacher for...forever. In first grade and all through elementary school I would beg to stay in at recess and 'help' the teacher (I know, I was pretty cool right!?). After school I would retreat to my own 'classroom' in the basement and teach my sister and any one else from the neighborhood who would come over everything I had learned so far. I have a teacher's heart. Teaching has been a desire God has placed on my heart from a very young age.

Now that I am actually teaching real children in a real school I have been reflecting a lot about why I want to be a teacher. What aspects of my teaching am I trying to rely on myself too much for and have been noticing how much letting go and giving God the control I need to do- in every area of my life, including teaching. There have been some hard days and some difficult realizations that I've learned about myself. Through it all though, I really feel like this is something God has gifted me with, my abilities to teach are not my own and they are to be used wisely.

I've learned quite a bit about children as well, in particular third graders. Each day I learn something new about my students, I have learned that home, no matter how wonderful or saddening it is, affects every child- it molds them and shapes them in every aspect of who they are. I have students who come from loving homes and students who are the ones at home cooking, cleaning, and putting the younger ones to bed. I have students who are shuffled back and forth between homes so much that they don't even know where their home is. There are days when I come home with my heart broken and aching for the children in my classroom, and all around the world. There have been days when I have cried out to God asking Him why some children's parents just don't care. What I've learned through student teaching is that my deepest desire for them is not that they would be able to be proficient in math and reading, but for them to know Christ.

I want all of them to know that they are loved, they were created by the King, that they are not alone. He sees them when they're hurt, when they're alone, when they just want to be kids, he sees them when they do well in school, when they score a soccer goal and when they are happy. I want them to know that Christ died for them, that He wants a relationship with them and that He wants to redeem them. I want them to know that this world is not where we belong, that although academics are important, Christ is of the utmost importance, nothing is greater. I long for them to know him, to desire relationship with Him, yearn for Him and seek Him. I pray that they would see Him through me, even though I can't speak His name I want Him to use me for His purposes, to reach children for His kingdom.

I have 8 more weeks with these kids, 8 more weeks to make an impact on them. I don't want to waste them by counting down to graduation. God has given me these 90 students for 16 weeks for a reason, and I do not want to take it lightly. Too often I focus on what is ahead and I miss what is in front of me, I think we all do that.

At camp this summer there was a boy who, whenever his group was in the pavilion I worked in, would come to me and ask for a bible to read. He would sit at a table each day and read through the book of Psalms. He would sit alone and just read. It was clear he was so in love with the word. The last week of camp I asked him if he had a bible of his own- he told me that he didn't so I offered to try to find one for him. On the last day of camp I went to find him to give him a bible the camp had given me for him and he wasn't there- his last day of camp was the previous day. I decided to mail him the bible with a little note saying how encouraging it was for me to see him falling in love with the word, that I was sorry that I didn't get the bible to him before he left, and encouraged him to keep reading and soaking in the word. It was mailed to him and honestly, I completely forgot about it until earlier this week when I received an envelope from camp. In the envelope was a thank you card with the handwriting of a ten year old boy saying:

"Dear Christin, Thank you so much for the bible I really appreciate it. I try to read it every day. I hope I get to see you this summer."

That simple note, made my week. God used that simple action to make a difference. I may not be able to give my students each a bible, but I can show them that I care, I can allow Him to shine through my words, through my actions and through my responses to behavior and all of the random stories I hear each day. I want Him to use me however He chooses, I want Him to take over my actions and my words and live through me.

I feel everything I hear about finding a teaching job in this area makes it sound nearly impossible. When I think about it though, God does not give us gifts and abilities to be wasted. He has reason for our training, for our desires- I don't think He would place those desires and longings in our hearts for them not to be used. My teaching career may not look like how I've always picture it to look. My abilities might not even be used in a school setting, or they might. I may not get my dream teaching job in a year, or ever, but I believe God will give me opportunities to use the gifts He has given me with for His purposes, to make an impact for His kingdom and bring Him glory.

Sorry if that was a bit of ramble, but that's my heart this week!

Campfires, Silly Songs, and Jesus

This upcoming week is the last week of camp. I can't believe it's come to an end, Friday it started to hit me that next year I won't be returning and that I have no clue what God has planned for what I will be doing.

The summer after Fourth grade I went to camp for the first time. I was terrified. Months leading up to it I would spend sleepless nights crying about how I afraid to go- and I was only going for one week. One day into camp I was in love, I never wanted to leave. There was (and still is) just something so special about being at camp- the singing, the quiet, the silly, and I absolutely loved how close I felt to God at camp when I was younger. At home, yea I would go to church and sunday school and wednesday night bible club but camp was different.

At camp we would have campfire messages each night, quiet devotions each morning, and time each day with our counselor where they would teach a bible lesson. I think I can honestly say that I was saved in sunday school at a young age but I fell in love with Jesus at camp. Each summer I would go back and fall deeper into relationship with Him and it would continue throughout the year mostly (there is always that mountaintop feeling after camp that I never quite got to stay entirely through the school year). Camp was a place empty of problems and worries and full of Jesus.

Once I hit the end of middle school I joined my original camp's counselor in training program, eventually counseled there and began going to a beach camp with my church youth group (which was special in its own way but loved just as much in my heart).

When I got to college I decided that God called me to stay home in the summers and I began working at a christian day camp near to my home (all the amazing-ness of my first camp minus the sleep-away and campfire fun).

This way may be my last week at camp ever, and it could very well not be- who know's what God has in His blueprint for me, but I know one thing. I have one week left this summer with these kids, one week left to show them Jesus. I pray that this week they would fall in love with Christ and make the decision to become a follower of Him, leaving the worldly way behind. I pray that the kids who only know of Jesus and hear about Him because of camp that they would have a fire in their heart to want to know more, to seek Him even when their families and homes don't. I pray that their eyes would be enlightened and that they would know the HOPE that there is in Christ, that they would yearn to be a part of His kingdom and live as a child of the King.

I don't know what God has planned for me next year, but I do know that this week He has me at camp loving on these kids and being His light. We are all messy, we're all sinners and it's only by His grace that we can have hope and walk in His glorious ways. I will miss this camp next summer more than I can say, but I know that, just as camp was the place where I fell in love with Jesus and my life was changed, kids will be impacted and He will use it to make kingdom decisions and life changes for however long it exists.

Before the Throne

Week six over: six down, three to go. It's crazy how fast the weeks have gone! This time four weeks from now I'll be gearing up for my first full week of student teaching! So exciting!

I've written before about how much I love worship lyrics, especially hymns and how much can be conveyed through them. I've spent the last few nights listening to worship music, reading and working on some projects for fun- so refreshing! Tonight there are some big storms going through the area and, with the rain beating against my window, I've been listening/singing/playing guitar along with some worship songs and stopped to listen carefully to the words to "Before the Throne", SUCH an encouraging song! Check out these lyrics:

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great high Priest who’s name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair
and tells me of the guilt within
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
Because a sinless Savior died
my sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me
to look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Praise the One Risen Son of God.

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The King of Glory and of grace
One in Himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God
With Christ my Savior and my God

It's so incredibly humbling to remember that Christ died as a sacrifice taking on our full payment for sin, He took our place, and we are completely undeserving. We are loved, we are known, we are redeemed, forever by the unchangeable God.


(p.s. I realize this video is kind of strange to post but I found it and just loved this girl's voice too much to not share it!)

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." Ephesians 1:7-10

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

Giving Him Control, I'm just a Sweaty Mess

Yesterday was probably the hottest day of the year. 102 with a "real feel" of 115= INSANE! The schedule at camp was changed so that the kids were ushered from the pool to a small trailer with air conditioning the whole day in order that no one would get sick and as far as I know- it worked! I started off the morning with a note from my 'secret buddy' (Secret buddies is something our camp does between staff memebers to encourage each other throughout the summer, each of us is given a name with a list of some of the things they enjoy so we know how best to encourage them). The note was a beautiful hand made card with this verse on it:

‎"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

The verse was such a good reminder that even though the day was hot and gross, there was no real reason to complain because this day was handcrafted by God and our only response should really be thankfulness.
Although the day was sooooo hotttt (the kind of hot where you feel as if you're covered in sticky syrup and you're walking into an oven each time you step out of the air conditioning) I'm pretty sure it was my favorite day of camp thus far. This week, in general was probably my favorite week at camp my past four summers there. I really felt like I was doing what God created me to do, and if you've ever had that feeling before then you know what I'm talking about- if not, I can't describe it it's just too wonderful it's as if all the pieces have come together and you feel completely at home.

This week, I was the camp bible teacher which meant that each day I was given the opportunity to share the truths with each group of kids (minus preschool and kindergarten, they have a separate time for just them) every. day. The first day I was really nervous, especially when it came time for the 5th/6th grade boys group (you know how intimidating boys that age can be ;)). The camp gave me some ideas for each day to go along with the main lesson for the week "God is always with you" but essentially as long as I did the main topic for each day, I could do whatever else I felt led to do with each group. On Monday I went up to the pavilion for a half hour before the kids structured activities started to prepare my heart and calm my nerves, I spent time in the word and praying that He would be the one speaking to these kids, not me, that it would be all in His power. I prayed that their hearts would be open to what He had to teach them and that my fears and my own ideas wouldn't inhibit what he had for them in ANY way. I felt such peace after turning it all over to Him. God really taught me this week how He really has it all under control, we just have to let go and let Him do his thing. Of course there were many points this week, where I needed to be reminded that there was no reason for me to be nervous, because it's His power at work not mine and that I needed to trust that if I let go He would give the words the kids needed to hear.

Although all week was hot, as the week went on it got progressively hotter. Each Friday at camp we have chapel, in my last post I talked a little about chapel last week. Well, this week I was to give the message at chapel. Thursday night I stayed up later than I should reading and rereading what I had planned. Chapel is meant to be an overview of all that was taught in bible that week and a presentation of the gospel, this week the entire camp's theme was "We R Family" and in bible we talked about Ruth & Naomi, the trinity, and the body of Christ. I had talked with the kids about being a part of the family of God each day and tied each day back to it and how God created and loves each of us wholly and entirely so much that he sent His son to die for us, in our place, so that we could spend eternity with Him. I talked about the Holy Spirit and how once we become a part of the family of God we are promised the Holy Spirit, a special helper that comes to live inside of us when we make the decision to live for Christ, which is with us wherever we go.

At the beginning of Chapel I tried to carefully read through my bullet pointed list I had made so I wouldn't miss anything. Part way through, me a drippy sweaty mess and my thoughts slightly frantic, I gave up in trying read it. I thought you know what, I've been making such a point of leaning on God alllll week, why am I trying to take over and control this so much?! So I put the paper down and God gave me the words, and immediately I felt a sense of peace sweep over me! It was as if God was saying, "TRUST Me, my ways are so much better than yours and I've got this completely under control, I have a plan for this." Andddddd 14 kids professed that they put their faith in Christ yesterday! So exciting!

I'm going to end with a quote from a blog I've been following for a while, this girl's life is sooo encouraging!

"All I want is more eyes on Him. I am just a broken mess, grabbing for His feet, reaching out to touch His cloak, thankful for His mercy that washes over me. I am just a little girl, relieved to crawl into His lap and curl up there."

The Solid Rock

Last week at camp chapel the person giving the message used a visual where she put two cup houses in a basin. One cup house was rested on a rock and the other on a pile of sand (based off of the passage in Matthew 7). She dumped a pitcher of water into the basin and you guessed it... the sand pile dispersed. It was such a great image of what life living leaning on the Rock as opposed to trying to do it on our own. This parable is something I have heard over and over in my life but actually seeing a visual of it really got me thinking. Is my life built on the Rock in every area, or are there areas where I'm leaning on sand?

Ever since last Friday this song has been going through my head and tonight while listening to it I looked up the lyrics. I love hymns and the power that their words hold, this hymn does not disappoint!

The Solid Rock
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

Apart from Him we can do nothing

This past week was the longest week ever. Camp everyday all day, then either vacation bible school at my church or working my first few days at my new job. After my first day I found myself exhausted, stressed out and emotionally drained- and that was just the first day (hence my last post). God clearly showed me in daily living that apart from Him I can do NOTHING.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:5

He showed me that when I try to do it all on my own all I get is weak, moody and defeated. The lies of the devil take over and my attitude becomes far what it should be. I've found that when I spend time each morning- no matter how long or short devoted to focusing on the Father and just BEING with Him, life is so much more focused and I'm a completely different person. It makes such a difference.

This coming week I will be taking on the role of camp bible teacher while the regular bible teacher is away on vacation. I'm so excited, and so nervous at the same time! I'm excited to be in the position for the week to share the word with these kids but nervous that my fears will take over. I'm praying that God would take over it all and give me His words. I'm also continuing to pray that the kids would be open to what He has to teach them at camp, and that His will would be done in their hearts.

This week I came across this song and it's been encouraging me all week to remember that I belong to Christ, as believers we chosen to be His children. Only through the blood of His Son we are made blameless and worthy. Each day belongs to Him and He holds us each day.

Blameless- Dara Joy Maclean

What manner of love is this that you would lay down your life?
You paid the price, the sacrifice for redemption
Now I am determined to know, Christ and Him crucified
Now alive and the power in me is You

I’m blameless
You call me holy
I’ve been forgiven, You call me righteous
I’m free
I’m spotless, You call me worthy
I am Your child
You call me chosen
I’m Yours, I am Yours

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession —to the praise of his glory." -Ephesians 1:3-14

Know that in Him you are forgiven. You are chosen, worthy, holy, blameless. You are His and apart from Him we can do nothing.

A Tuesday Rambling

Hey hey! So I was just wanting to write a little about life today.

1. I have become a baking fiend. I used to enjoy baking but not to this extent, this summer I've tried a few things and there is no end in sight!

Blueberry brown sugar cookies!

Last night since my family was away and I was up for some serious cooking experimentation I invited my best friend Kari over for a 'friendship appreciation dinner.' I made Parmesan crusted chicken, grilled vegetables and some grilled flavored corn on the cob. We topped it all off with some Ben and Jerry's Ice cream.

I just don't know what it is about this summer but lately I've become so interested in cooking & crafts I can't quite stand it! There are just so many things I want to try out! So if you enjoy free samples and/or are near me often beware: there may be baked goods coming your way!

2. This week at camp is the 4th of July parade. Each group comes up with a costume theme and then come to arts and crafts to bring it to life! I'm excited to see how it all turns out!

3. Last week the campers were learning about Hosea, after having a conversation with the bible teacher about it I realized I didn't know the story of Hosea at all (to be completely honest, I was always under the impression that the name Hosea sounded like a girl so I just assumed that Hosea was a girl- I know, insane). So I decided that I was going to read it- I was astounded by the story. Hosea is such an example of following the Lord's call despite trials,it's a story about God's redemption for all. I could not stop reading it. First of all Hosea was asked by God to marry a prostitute and Hosea did it. Then God gave them names for all their children with meanings like: not loved, not my people, and one was named after a massacre. These things (marrying a prostitute, the names of their children) were all so that God could use them to better share a message with the Israelite. Many of the messages Hosea shared with the people of Israel were based around their adulterous, stubborn hearts toward the Lord. God expresses His desire through the messages for His people to seek Him wholly, to turn away from the things that distract their hearts from Him and to earnestly yearn after Him. It spoke of how destructive idolization really is, no matter what you are idolizing, in Chapter 13 verse 9 God says through Hosea that when we live for the world and seeking the things of the world we are working against God. The book of Hosea really made me think about what I myself seek other than the Lord and what our society seeks in place of the Lord. If you haven't read it- do it. It's good stuff.

4. Really missing Togo and my team from last summer. I'm still working on reading through my journal from last summer and the stories almost always make me tear up- I miss it. I hope that someday God takes me back to Togo, but if not they will forever be in my heart and a part of my daily life. I know I've said it before about a billion times but Togo taught me so much and is still teaching me things. I'm so grateful for that opportunity and can't believe it's been a year already.

5. Last but not least, I came across this verse sometime last week and it's been on my mind ever since and so I am going to share it with you all:

"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Psalm 37 & Week 1 of Camp

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." Psalm 37:4-6

Last night while I was checking my email and such before bed I came across a video talking about the above verse and it really got me thinking so I thought I'd share the thoughts with you! When we commit our lives to Christ and let the Holy Spirit take control and change our hearts and mindset, the Lord's desires become our own. Our purposes and desires transform into His own purposes and desires. He will make His plans come to be, and he will do it gloriously! This only happens though we we let go of our grip of control on our own lives, when we stop trying to make our personal plans and desires come to pass. When we make it about Him and not about us. When we commit our ways to Him and delight ourselves only in him, all of our ways, plans, desires, hopes, thoughts, attitudes, and purposes to Him- they will succeed. We were created by a loving, all-powerful, all-knowing God who has a perfect plan- not to trust him and give him full control seems ridiculously stupid yet every day I find myself more concerned with how I feel and what I want than who He is and putting Him first in every area of my life.

On another note...

It's half-way through the first 'official' week of camp- so far so good! It's definitely different being the arts and crafts teacher than it has been counseling in the past. Instead of having a small group of kids to get to know well, I get to see every child in the camp at least two times each week. I'm trying and praying about ways to minister to such a large amount of kids in a way that truly shows them Christ. I'm loving just talking with random kids that I see throughout the day and asking them about what they've been learning in bible this week. As an 'extra time' craft this week I had some of the groups make gospel bead bracelets where each bead represents a part of the gospel- I had the kids put each bead on and asked them what they thought each bead might represent. It's been so cool to hear how much some of these kids already know about the gospel and to hear some of them communicate it to their peers. I'm also loving seeing how unique each child's individual projects are- every. one. is. different. (even the ones that are trying to 'match' a friend's picture) it's awesome to see the individuality that God's given these kids. (I'll have to post some pictures of a few of the projects!)