Nineteen days until I'm a wife. Nineteen. I can't believe it- it's coming and it's coming fast. Sometimes I'm filled with waves of nervousness when what-if's flood my mind, but most of the time I'm overflowing with excitement (the kind that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time).
I haven't written much in well, a few months, because honestly I haven't been sure how to put everything into words. I am currently living at home, working as a substitute teacher by day and at a childcare center by night. My weekends consist of wedding planning, apartment cleaning and commuting back and forth between home and what will be home. I've been applying to any teaching job that I see- with no real response and spend far too much time on pinterest finding ideas for my dream classroom and home.
Lifes been busy, life's been strange but this season has been short.
Living at home has been difficult, after not really full time living here since high school it has been an adjustment. I've changed, my parents have changed and it's been a struggle at times to see eye to eye- but it has really challenged me to grow.
So many changes are coming, so many things I could worry about but I KNOW God's got it. I really need to rest in that.
God's really been teaching me in this season that, in all seasons, HE is constant and He is in control.
Example: just a few weeks ago I was really worried about what I was going to do for a summer job (since subbing would end in early June and my income would stop). I had a few interviews that in the end had sounded really promising but I hadn't heard a response. So two weeks ago I had some serious time with God where I decided to let it go and give it all to Him- and wouldn't you know I got a job offer for each of the jobs I had applied for, and not only that- one of the jobs I had applied as a camp counselor at a small camp and they offered me the position of camp coordinator! I am beyond excited about this job- so much work to do, but it's going to be so worth it- I can just feel it :) If that's not proof God is faithful, I don't know what is!
So right now, in these days leading up to one of the most pivotal moments in my life I'm taking time to just be with God. To anchor my heart and my life deep in Him.
If you think of it over the next few weeks, could you pray for us? Could you pray that in these days leading up to our wedding that Christ would continue to grow us and root us in Him, that our marriage would be fully founded in His truths and that the gospel would be evident not only on our wedding day but through our lives. That our focus would be now and forevermore on Him. Thanks :)
Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label summer. Show all posts
April 23, 2012
August 17, 2011
Big Reminders from Little People
So tonight was my last night of the summer at my second job. I made a new friend there, he was four years old and was one of those children that if you give them the opportunity they will tell you their life story. He told things, repeated those things, and as we made animals out of play-doh an interesting conversation came up.
Boy: Polar bears are dying, so are whales. Do you know what death is?
Me: (completely shocked by this question and wanting to hear this small child's definition) what is it?
Boy: It's when we aren't on earth anymore, we go up to heaven- well, only if we know Jesus. Do you know Jesus?
Me: yes I do!
Boy: So you know that he died so we can go to heaven?
Me: (smiling big) yes I do.
Boy: Good. Do you know that God likes our prayers and listens to them? He knows everything we need. Do you know that?
Me: Yep (nodding and smiling even bigger)
Boy: Good, it's the truth.
Out of the mouths of babes, truth! God is so great! It's amazing what and who He uses to get our attention. God used that adorable little boy to remind me that He is in control and He hears me and knows all that I need. So comforting.
Boy: Polar bears are dying, so are whales. Do you know what death is?
Me: (completely shocked by this question and wanting to hear this small child's definition) what is it?
Boy: It's when we aren't on earth anymore, we go up to heaven- well, only if we know Jesus. Do you know Jesus?
Me: yes I do!
Boy: So you know that he died so we can go to heaven?
Me: (smiling big) yes I do.
Boy: Good. Do you know that God likes our prayers and listens to them? He knows everything we need. Do you know that?
Me: Yep (nodding and smiling even bigger)
Boy: Good, it's the truth.
Out of the mouths of babes, truth! God is so great! It's amazing what and who He uses to get our attention. God used that adorable little boy to remind me that He is in control and He hears me and knows all that I need. So comforting.
August 13, 2011
Campfires, Silly Songs, and Jesus
This upcoming week is the last week of camp. I can't believe it's come to an end, Friday it started to hit me that next year I won't be returning and that I have no clue what God has planned for what I will be doing.
The summer after Fourth grade I went to camp for the first time. I was terrified. Months leading up to it I would spend sleepless nights crying about how I afraid to go- and I was only going for one week. One day into camp I was in love, I never wanted to leave. There was (and still is) just something so special about being at camp- the singing, the quiet, the silly, and I absolutely loved how close I felt to God at camp when I was younger. At home, yea I would go to church and sunday school and wednesday night bible club but camp was different.
At camp we would have campfire messages each night, quiet devotions each morning, and time each day with our counselor where they would teach a bible lesson. I think I can honestly say that I was saved in sunday school at a young age but I fell in love with Jesus at camp. Each summer I would go back and fall deeper into relationship with Him and it would continue throughout the year mostly (there is always that mountaintop feeling after camp that I never quite got to stay entirely through the school year). Camp was a place empty of problems and worries and full of Jesus.
Once I hit the end of middle school I joined my original camp's counselor in training program, eventually counseled there and began going to a beach camp with my church youth group (which was special in its own way but loved just as much in my heart).
When I got to college I decided that God called me to stay home in the summers and I began working at a christian day camp near to my home (all the amazing-ness of my first camp minus the sleep-away and campfire fun).
This way may be my last week at camp ever, and it could very well not be- who know's what God has in His blueprint for me, but I know one thing. I have one week left this summer with these kids, one week left to show them Jesus. I pray that this week they would fall in love with Christ and make the decision to become a follower of Him, leaving the worldly way behind. I pray that the kids who only know of Jesus and hear about Him because of camp that they would have a fire in their heart to want to know more, to seek Him even when their families and homes don't. I pray that their eyes would be enlightened and that they would know the HOPE that there is in Christ, that they would yearn to be a part of His kingdom and live as a child of the King.
I don't know what God has planned for me next year, but I do know that this week He has me at camp loving on these kids and being His light. We are all messy, we're all sinners and it's only by His grace that we can have hope and walk in His glorious ways. I will miss this camp next summer more than I can say, but I know that, just as camp was the place where I fell in love with Jesus and my life was changed, kids will be impacted and He will use it to make kingdom decisions and life changes for however long it exists.
The summer after Fourth grade I went to camp for the first time. I was terrified. Months leading up to it I would spend sleepless nights crying about how I afraid to go- and I was only going for one week. One day into camp I was in love, I never wanted to leave. There was (and still is) just something so special about being at camp- the singing, the quiet, the silly, and I absolutely loved how close I felt to God at camp when I was younger. At home, yea I would go to church and sunday school and wednesday night bible club but camp was different.
At camp we would have campfire messages each night, quiet devotions each morning, and time each day with our counselor where they would teach a bible lesson. I think I can honestly say that I was saved in sunday school at a young age but I fell in love with Jesus at camp. Each summer I would go back and fall deeper into relationship with Him and it would continue throughout the year mostly (there is always that mountaintop feeling after camp that I never quite got to stay entirely through the school year). Camp was a place empty of problems and worries and full of Jesus.
Once I hit the end of middle school I joined my original camp's counselor in training program, eventually counseled there and began going to a beach camp with my church youth group (which was special in its own way but loved just as much in my heart).
When I got to college I decided that God called me to stay home in the summers and I began working at a christian day camp near to my home (all the amazing-ness of my first camp minus the sleep-away and campfire fun).
This way may be my last week at camp ever, and it could very well not be- who know's what God has in His blueprint for me, but I know one thing. I have one week left this summer with these kids, one week left to show them Jesus. I pray that this week they would fall in love with Christ and make the decision to become a follower of Him, leaving the worldly way behind. I pray that the kids who only know of Jesus and hear about Him because of camp that they would have a fire in their heart to want to know more, to seek Him even when their families and homes don't. I pray that their eyes would be enlightened and that they would know the HOPE that there is in Christ, that they would yearn to be a part of His kingdom and live as a child of the King.
I don't know what God has planned for me next year, but I do know that this week He has me at camp loving on these kids and being His light. We are all messy, we're all sinners and it's only by His grace that we can have hope and walk in His glorious ways. I will miss this camp next summer more than I can say, but I know that, just as camp was the place where I fell in love with Jesus and my life was changed, kids will be impacted and He will use it to make kingdom decisions and life changes for however long it exists.
July 17, 2011
Apart from Him we can do nothing
This past week was the longest week ever. Camp everyday all day, then either vacation bible school at my church or working my first few days at my new job. After my first day I found myself exhausted, stressed out and emotionally drained- and that was just the first day (hence my last post). God clearly showed me in daily living that apart from Him I can do NOTHING.
This coming week I will be taking on the role of camp bible teacher while the regular bible teacher is away on vacation. I'm so excited, and so nervous at the same time! I'm excited to be in the position for the week to share the word with these kids but nervous that my fears will take over. I'm praying that God would take over it all and give me His words. I'm also continuing to pray that the kids would be open to what He has to teach them at camp, and that His will would be done in their hearts.
This week I came across this song and it's been encouraging me all week to remember that I belong to Christ, as believers we chosen to be His children. Only through the blood of His Son we are made blameless and worthy. Each day belongs to Him and He holds us each day.
Blameless- Dara Joy Maclean
What manner of love is this that you would lay down your life?
You paid the price, the sacrifice for redemption
Now I am determined to know, Christ and Him crucified
Now alive and the power in me is You
I’m blameless
You call me holy
I’ve been forgiven, You call me righteous
I’m free
I’m spotless, You call me worthy
I am Your child
You call me chosen
I’m Yours, I am Yours
Know that in Him you are forgiven. You are chosen, worthy, holy, blameless. You are His and apart from Him we can do nothing.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:5He showed me that when I try to do it all on my own all I get is weak, moody and defeated. The lies of the devil take over and my attitude becomes far what it should be. I've found that when I spend time each morning- no matter how long or short devoted to focusing on the Father and just BEING with Him, life is so much more focused and I'm a completely different person. It makes such a difference.
This coming week I will be taking on the role of camp bible teacher while the regular bible teacher is away on vacation. I'm so excited, and so nervous at the same time! I'm excited to be in the position for the week to share the word with these kids but nervous that my fears will take over. I'm praying that God would take over it all and give me His words. I'm also continuing to pray that the kids would be open to what He has to teach them at camp, and that His will would be done in their hearts.
This week I came across this song and it's been encouraging me all week to remember that I belong to Christ, as believers we chosen to be His children. Only through the blood of His Son we are made blameless and worthy. Each day belongs to Him and He holds us each day.
Blameless- Dara Joy Maclean
What manner of love is this that you would lay down your life?
You paid the price, the sacrifice for redemption
Now I am determined to know, Christ and Him crucified
Now alive and the power in me is You
I’m blameless
You call me holy
I’ve been forgiven, You call me righteous
I’m free
I’m spotless, You call me worthy
I am Your child
You call me chosen
I’m Yours, I am Yours
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession —to the praise of his glory." -Ephesians 1:3-14
Know that in Him you are forgiven. You are chosen, worthy, holy, blameless. You are His and apart from Him we can do nothing.
July 10, 2011
Beach break!
Hey all! I've just returned from a week of beach and relaxation with my sister, parents and wonderful fiance :). It. was. glorious. Sunshine (a few thunderstorms) campfires, s'mores, beach, ocean, good food and fun for all. I'm so grateful for them all. It was especially nice to be able to spend so much time with Ethan and for my family to get to know him a little better and vice versa. It was nice to get away and not really have any responsibilities or places to be, to leave technology, for the most part, for a few days (I will say that my phone did not leave my bunk the entire week, which is quite an accomplishment for me :)) When I get breaks away from the computer and other forms of technology I realize how overly reliant I am on communication and how unnecessary it really is to have a phone on me constantly and check my computer multiple times a day... so hopefully this will be the start of a less-technology reliant me.
This coming week will be crazy busy. I'll be back at camp again doing the arts & crafts teacher thing, it's also my church's vacation bible school which I'll be helping with, AND I'll finally be starting my second job for this summer. Welcome back to reality! At least today is a free day so rest up for the insanity that is this week!
Have a wonderful week!
This coming week will be crazy busy. I'll be back at camp again doing the arts & crafts teacher thing, it's also my church's vacation bible school which I'll be helping with, AND I'll finally be starting my second job for this summer. Welcome back to reality! At least today is a free day so rest up for the insanity that is this week!
Have a wonderful week!
July 4, 2011
Faithfulness
Happy Fourth of July!
Today most of America is firing up the grills, heading to parades and getting their blankets ready for dusk to catch lightning bugs and watch the fireworks. I'm not entirely sure what I will get into today, I have a few things I'd like to do but honestly if all I did was watch the fireworks from the top of my street that would be okay with me :). Here's what I did last July 4th, not sure that picture will leave my head today.
If I could sum up what God's been teaching me these past few weeks in one phrase it would be that He is faithful. I've been reading through some of the old testament stories: Hosea, Joel, and I'm part-way through Amos and it's been amazing to see how through all the books God is using whatever situations His people are in to draw them back to Him. Most of the situations that his people are in are one's that they have brought upon themselves by living selfishly and desiring to live as if from this world. He doesn't like how they are acting and how their hearts are so against Him, but He never ever leaves them and continues to desire to have their whole hearts and lives. The same goes for us too. No matter what situations we have going in our lives at any given moment God is faithful through them and is working in and through it all- that's pretty incredible stuff! He is faithful.
This past week I started reading through a book called "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper. It's a book about the biblical vision and purpose of marriage, so far it's really opened my eyes a lot to how vastly different the world's view of marriage is from God's original purpose for it. So far in the book Piper has made two points the build the foundation of what a biblical view of marriage is: It is God's design, and it is for God's glory- it is a display of His glory. It is a picture of how we as a believing body are the bride to Jesus, our bridegroom.
We are sinful, self-centered people yet God sent his sin-less son to die so we could spend eternity with Him. God sacrificed something so dear to Him for us because He was willing to do whatever it took to have us as His children.
In church, the pastor has been going through the book of Judges. Today we went through chapters 8-9 which talked about Abimelech and Gideon- the main point of the message was that our choices have consequences but God does not just sit and watch us bring our lives to shambles from our selfish living- but continues to draw us near to Him, to call us to turn to Him. He is faithful.
Yesterday afternoon I went to visit family in New Jersey with my parents. On the car ride over I had quite a bit of time to think. I thought about how faithful God has been in my life and how he has turned every situation for His good. I thought about how he perfectly pieced things together when I was very young to lead my parents to send me to a daycare run by a church, which we eventually ended up attending. It was where I learned about Christ, and without it who knows what my life would be like today and if I would even know His truth.I think about high school and college and the situations I've been in- they haven't all been easy and most certainly I would not want to repeat many of them but God used them for His glory, he never left and he turned it all for His purposes and there is no regrets in Him. When I look back on my life I see God's hand. I see how He has been faithful, he has known what He's doing and it's all worked out for His good. Thinking through the lives of the people closest to me, I see it too. He is faithful.
It's so amazing to think about how different life would be if even one thing would have been different, if one piece was missing. I'm so grateful for all that God has done in my life for every experience and for how He's molding me to be more like Him. We serve a mighty God and words can't express all He is and all He's done and is doing.
Know today that God's hand is faithfully working in your life for His good. Each experience is just a brushstroke in the magnificent painting He's making out of our lives, and whole painting just a small paint splatter in His GRAND masterpiece.
Today most of America is firing up the grills, heading to parades and getting their blankets ready for dusk to catch lightning bugs and watch the fireworks. I'm not entirely sure what I will get into today, I have a few things I'd like to do but honestly if all I did was watch the fireworks from the top of my street that would be okay with me :). Here's what I did last July 4th, not sure that picture will leave my head today.
If I could sum up what God's been teaching me these past few weeks in one phrase it would be that He is faithful. I've been reading through some of the old testament stories: Hosea, Joel, and I'm part-way through Amos and it's been amazing to see how through all the books God is using whatever situations His people are in to draw them back to Him. Most of the situations that his people are in are one's that they have brought upon themselves by living selfishly and desiring to live as if from this world. He doesn't like how they are acting and how their hearts are so against Him, but He never ever leaves them and continues to desire to have their whole hearts and lives. The same goes for us too. No matter what situations we have going in our lives at any given moment God is faithful through them and is working in and through it all- that's pretty incredible stuff! He is faithful.
This past week I started reading through a book called "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper. It's a book about the biblical vision and purpose of marriage, so far it's really opened my eyes a lot to how vastly different the world's view of marriage is from God's original purpose for it. So far in the book Piper has made two points the build the foundation of what a biblical view of marriage is: It is God's design, and it is for God's glory- it is a display of His glory. It is a picture of how we as a believing body are the bride to Jesus, our bridegroom.
We are sinful, self-centered people yet God sent his sin-less son to die so we could spend eternity with Him. God sacrificed something so dear to Him for us because He was willing to do whatever it took to have us as His children.
"Christ will never leave his wife. Ever. There may be times of painful distance and tragic backsliding on our part. But Christ keeps his covenant forever. Marriage is a display of that! That is the ultimate thing we can say about it. It puts the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love on display." - John PiperMarriage is to put His covenant-keeping faithful love on display. He is faithful.
In church, the pastor has been going through the book of Judges. Today we went through chapters 8-9 which talked about Abimelech and Gideon- the main point of the message was that our choices have consequences but God does not just sit and watch us bring our lives to shambles from our selfish living- but continues to draw us near to Him, to call us to turn to Him. He is faithful.
Yesterday afternoon I went to visit family in New Jersey with my parents. On the car ride over I had quite a bit of time to think. I thought about how faithful God has been in my life and how he has turned every situation for His good. I thought about how he perfectly pieced things together when I was very young to lead my parents to send me to a daycare run by a church, which we eventually ended up attending. It was where I learned about Christ, and without it who knows what my life would be like today and if I would even know His truth.I think about high school and college and the situations I've been in- they haven't all been easy and most certainly I would not want to repeat many of them but God used them for His glory, he never left and he turned it all for His purposes and there is no regrets in Him. When I look back on my life I see God's hand. I see how He has been faithful, he has known what He's doing and it's all worked out for His good. Thinking through the lives of the people closest to me, I see it too. He is faithful.
It's so amazing to think about how different life would be if even one thing would have been different, if one piece was missing. I'm so grateful for all that God has done in my life for every experience and for how He's molding me to be more like Him. We serve a mighty God and words can't express all He is and all He's done and is doing.
Know today that God's hand is faithfully working in your life for His good. Each experience is just a brushstroke in the magnificent painting He's making out of our lives, and whole painting just a small paint splatter in His GRAND masterpiece.
June 28, 2011
A Tuesday Rambling
Hey hey! So I was just wanting to write a little about life today.
1. I have become a baking fiend. I used to enjoy baking but not to this extent, this summer I've tried a few things and there is no end in sight!
Blueberry brown sugar cookies!
Last night since my family was away and I was up for some serious cooking experimentation I invited my best friend Kari over for a 'friendship appreciation dinner.' I made Parmesan crusted chicken, grilled vegetables and some grilled flavored corn on the cob. We topped it all off with some Ben and Jerry's Ice cream.
I just don't know what it is about this summer but lately I've become so interested in cooking & crafts I can't quite stand it! There are just so many things I want to try out! So if you enjoy free samples and/or are near me often beware: there may be baked goods coming your way!
2. This week at camp is the 4th of July parade. Each group comes up with a costume theme and then come to arts and crafts to bring it to life! I'm excited to see how it all turns out!
3. Last week the campers were learning about Hosea, after having a conversation with the bible teacher about it I realized I didn't know the story of Hosea at all (to be completely honest, I was always under the impression that the name Hosea sounded like a girl so I just assumed that Hosea was a girl- I know, insane). So I decided that I was going to read it- I was astounded by the story. Hosea is such an example of following the Lord's call despite trials,it's a story about God's redemption for all. I could not stop reading it. First of all Hosea was asked by God to marry a prostitute and Hosea did it. Then God gave them names for all their children with meanings like: not loved, not my people, and one was named after a massacre. These things (marrying a prostitute, the names of their children) were all so that God could use them to better share a message with the Israelite. Many of the messages Hosea shared with the people of Israel were based around their adulterous, stubborn hearts toward the Lord. God expresses His desire through the messages for His people to seek Him wholly, to turn away from the things that distract their hearts from Him and to earnestly yearn after Him. It spoke of how destructive idolization really is, no matter what you are idolizing, in Chapter 13 verse 9 God says through Hosea that when we live for the world and seeking the things of the world we are working against God. The book of Hosea really made me think about what I myself seek other than the Lord and what our society seeks in place of the Lord. If you haven't read it- do it. It's good stuff.
4. Really missing Togo and my team from last summer. I'm still working on reading through my journal from last summer and the stories almost always make me tear up- I miss it. I hope that someday God takes me back to Togo, but if not they will forever be in my heart and a part of my daily life. I know I've said it before about a billion times but Togo taught me so much and is still teaching me things. I'm so grateful for that opportunity and can't believe it's been a year already.
5. Last but not least, I came across this verse sometime last week and it's been on my mind ever since and so I am going to share it with you all:
"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5
1. I have become a baking fiend. I used to enjoy baking but not to this extent, this summer I've tried a few things and there is no end in sight!
Last night since my family was away and I was up for some serious cooking experimentation I invited my best friend Kari over for a 'friendship appreciation dinner.' I made Parmesan crusted chicken, grilled vegetables and some grilled flavored corn on the cob. We topped it all off with some Ben and Jerry's Ice cream.
I just don't know what it is about this summer but lately I've become so interested in cooking & crafts I can't quite stand it! There are just so many things I want to try out! So if you enjoy free samples and/or are near me often beware: there may be baked goods coming your way!
2. This week at camp is the 4th of July parade. Each group comes up with a costume theme and then come to arts and crafts to bring it to life! I'm excited to see how it all turns out!
3. Last week the campers were learning about Hosea, after having a conversation with the bible teacher about it I realized I didn't know the story of Hosea at all (to be completely honest, I was always under the impression that the name Hosea sounded like a girl so I just assumed that Hosea was a girl- I know, insane). So I decided that I was going to read it- I was astounded by the story. Hosea is such an example of following the Lord's call despite trials,it's a story about God's redemption for all. I could not stop reading it. First of all Hosea was asked by God to marry a prostitute and Hosea did it. Then God gave them names for all their children with meanings like: not loved, not my people, and one was named after a massacre. These things (marrying a prostitute, the names of their children) were all so that God could use them to better share a message with the Israelite. Many of the messages Hosea shared with the people of Israel were based around their adulterous, stubborn hearts toward the Lord. God expresses His desire through the messages for His people to seek Him wholly, to turn away from the things that distract their hearts from Him and to earnestly yearn after Him. It spoke of how destructive idolization really is, no matter what you are idolizing, in Chapter 13 verse 9 God says through Hosea that when we live for the world and seeking the things of the world we are working against God. The book of Hosea really made me think about what I myself seek other than the Lord and what our society seeks in place of the Lord. If you haven't read it- do it. It's good stuff.
4. Really missing Togo and my team from last summer. I'm still working on reading through my journal from last summer and the stories almost always make me tear up- I miss it. I hope that someday God takes me back to Togo, but if not they will forever be in my heart and a part of my daily life. I know I've said it before about a billion times but Togo taught me so much and is still teaching me things. I'm so grateful for that opportunity and can't believe it's been a year already.
5. Last but not least, I came across this verse sometime last week and it's been on my mind ever since and so I am going to share it with you all:
"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5
June 22, 2011
Psalm 37 & Week 1 of Camp
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday." Psalm 37:4-6
Last night while I was checking my email and such before bed I came across a video talking about the above verse and it really got me thinking so I thought I'd share the thoughts with you! When we commit our lives to Christ and let the Holy Spirit take control and change our hearts and mindset, the Lord's desires become our own. Our purposes and desires transform into His own purposes and desires. He will make His plans come to be, and he will do it gloriously! This only happens though we we let go of our grip of control on our own lives, when we stop trying to make our personal plans and desires come to pass. When we make it about Him and not about us. When we commit our ways to Him and delight ourselves only in him, all of our ways, plans, desires, hopes, thoughts, attitudes, and purposes to Him- they will succeed. We were created by a loving, all-powerful, all-knowing God who has a perfect plan- not to trust him and give him full control seems ridiculously stupid yet every day I find myself more concerned with how I feel and what I want than who He is and putting Him first in every area of my life.
On another note...
It's half-way through the first 'official' week of camp- so far so good! It's definitely different being the arts and crafts teacher than it has been counseling in the past. Instead of having a small group of kids to get to know well, I get to see every child in the camp at least two times each week. I'm trying and praying about ways to minister to such a large amount of kids in a way that truly shows them Christ. I'm loving just talking with random kids that I see throughout the day and asking them about what they've been learning in bible this week. As an 'extra time' craft this week I had some of the groups make gospel bead bracelets where each bead represents a part of the gospel- I had the kids put each bead on and asked them what they thought each bead might represent. It's been so cool to hear how much some of these kids already know about the gospel and to hear some of them communicate it to their peers. I'm also loving seeing how unique each child's individual projects are- every. one. is. different. (even the ones that are trying to 'match' a friend's picture) it's awesome to see the individuality that God's given these kids. (I'll have to post some pictures of a few of the projects!)
Last night while I was checking my email and such before bed I came across a video talking about the above verse and it really got me thinking so I thought I'd share the thoughts with you! When we commit our lives to Christ and let the Holy Spirit take control and change our hearts and mindset, the Lord's desires become our own. Our purposes and desires transform into His own purposes and desires. He will make His plans come to be, and he will do it gloriously! This only happens though we we let go of our grip of control on our own lives, when we stop trying to make our personal plans and desires come to pass. When we make it about Him and not about us. When we commit our ways to Him and delight ourselves only in him, all of our ways, plans, desires, hopes, thoughts, attitudes, and purposes to Him- they will succeed. We were created by a loving, all-powerful, all-knowing God who has a perfect plan- not to trust him and give him full control seems ridiculously stupid yet every day I find myself more concerned with how I feel and what I want than who He is and putting Him first in every area of my life.
On another note...
It's half-way through the first 'official' week of camp- so far so good! It's definitely different being the arts and crafts teacher than it has been counseling in the past. Instead of having a small group of kids to get to know well, I get to see every child in the camp at least two times each week. I'm trying and praying about ways to minister to such a large amount of kids in a way that truly shows them Christ. I'm loving just talking with random kids that I see throughout the day and asking them about what they've been learning in bible this week. As an 'extra time' craft this week I had some of the groups make gospel bead bracelets where each bead represents a part of the gospel- I had the kids put each bead on and asked them what they thought each bead might represent. It's been so cool to hear how much some of these kids already know about the gospel and to hear some of them communicate it to their peers. I'm also loving seeing how unique each child's individual projects are- every. one. is. different. (even the ones that are trying to 'match' a friend's picture) it's awesome to see the individuality that God's given these kids. (I'll have to post some pictures of a few of the projects!)
June 12, 2011
Learning about trust.......s l o w l y
Much has happened I guess since my last life-update. This past weekend seems like such a whirlwind! Friday-Saturday was my camp's staff overnight orientation, met some new people, played some crazy camp games, had sessions to remind us of all the policies and rules that go along with working at a camp, and met some new people. Saturday I needed to leave camp early for my little sister and her best friend's graduation party. Ethan came down for it, and it was nice to spend some time with him since I hadn't seen him since memorial day weekend for a few hours. There were MANY children at the party, it was great :). (And can I make a side note to say it feels like it's the summer of babies, I feel like I haven't gone more than a few days without playing with and holding a baby and I am COMPLETELY fine with that :).) Then, today after church we had a small reunion with some of the people that I was in youth group with in high school- it was sooo great to all be in one place to catch up, and reminisce about some of fun things that went on back then.
A few weeks ago, I found out that the nannying job that I thought I had for this summer wasn't going to work out because the family no longer had a need. At first I was upset because I really thought that God had orchestrated it so perfectly (you know, me planning for God and thinking that the way I think is what He's thinking... so doesn't match up with Isaiah 55:8 but you know...). I started applying all over for part-time evening jobs, but most places don't really like to hear that you can only work for a short amount of time each day and that you'll only really be there about 2 months all together, so I received no calls, no interviews- which I was okay with.
At this point I started repeating to myself daily, 'God provides all I need and if He doesn't provide a second source of income for me this summer, that's okay because He's in control and ultimately knows what I will need for the upcoming year.' To be honest this was so hard for be to be optimistic about partially because I had so many ideas of things I wanted to do this summer before work started and I haven't really been able to do any of them and partially because I feel like I really need to be saving up for after college. So, I was disappointed, but once again- planning my own life, not letting God take control and do His whole omnipotent thing never really works out. After I had pretty much given up on the idea of having another job this summer I saw that a new hourly childcare center was opening in just a few weeks in my area- I thought 'okay- THIS will be my last attempt,' the next day I got an email telling me that they were conducting their final interviews that night and what do you know- I got a job! (Well, they told me they are going to hire me once their enrollment goes up and the open but, still.) All about patience and trust. Clearly I'm still really in need of some work on the trust and letting go of control thing.
Tomorrow, I will start my first work day at camp with a few campers (I've gone in for set-up and clean up a few times already). Summer is getting rolling this week! I think that's enough of an update for now, hope your summers are going wonderfully as well whether they're busy or relaxed!
Also, check out this song- it's a new summer favorite :)
A few weeks ago, I found out that the nannying job that I thought I had for this summer wasn't going to work out because the family no longer had a need. At first I was upset because I really thought that God had orchestrated it so perfectly (you know, me planning for God and thinking that the way I think is what He's thinking... so doesn't match up with Isaiah 55:8 but you know...). I started applying all over for part-time evening jobs, but most places don't really like to hear that you can only work for a short amount of time each day and that you'll only really be there about 2 months all together, so I received no calls, no interviews- which I was okay with.
At this point I started repeating to myself daily, 'God provides all I need and if He doesn't provide a second source of income for me this summer, that's okay because He's in control and ultimately knows what I will need for the upcoming year.' To be honest this was so hard for be to be optimistic about partially because I had so many ideas of things I wanted to do this summer before work started and I haven't really been able to do any of them and partially because I feel like I really need to be saving up for after college. So, I was disappointed, but once again- planning my own life, not letting God take control and do His whole omnipotent thing never really works out. After I had pretty much given up on the idea of having another job this summer I saw that a new hourly childcare center was opening in just a few weeks in my area- I thought 'okay- THIS will be my last attempt,' the next day I got an email telling me that they were conducting their final interviews that night and what do you know- I got a job! (Well, they told me they are going to hire me once their enrollment goes up and the open but, still.) All about patience and trust. Clearly I'm still really in need of some work on the trust and letting go of control thing.
Tomorrow, I will start my first work day at camp with a few campers (I've gone in for set-up and clean up a few times already). Summer is getting rolling this week! I think that's enough of an update for now, hope your summers are going wonderfully as well whether they're busy or relaxed!
Also, check out this song- it's a new summer favorite :)
June 6, 2011
One year since Togo...
Today it has been exactly one year since I got on the plane to Florida and met my team for Togo. It's amazing how quickly a year goes! I feel like it was just a few weeks ago that I was having all of those feelings and fears- anxiety about going so far away, not knowing much about where I was going or what I was doing, fear about not being able to communicate with my loved ones at home, and being so unsure of what God had in store for us as a team. It's so incredible to look back and think of all God did on that trip, and after, and how unified our team became.
I'm kind of sad today, and missing my team because it has been a year- but I'm excited at the same time because at this moment there is a new team being trained to head to Togo (and some of my teammates are there to welcome and share with them!) I'll definitely be praying for them as they head off to partner with the work that is going on in Togo.
During the next few weeks, I've decided that each day I'm going to ready over my journal and the letters that I wrote- not only to remember how it was, to remember all of the feelings but to look at that chunk of time in my life that was so significant to my growth and maybe see how God moved in ways that I haven't noticed before.
I wish today that I could be in Florida preparing to go see some of these people again and continue where we left off last summer, but that's not where God has me this summer. For now the most I can do is pray for the names and faces of the people I met and share their stories.
A piece of my heart remains in Togo, but I also need to remember that the story God has for me here in the states is just as important to His story. Even though the ministry looks vastly different and our lives here are full of distractions, His story continues.
I'm kind of sad today, and missing my team because it has been a year- but I'm excited at the same time because at this moment there is a new team being trained to head to Togo (and some of my teammates are there to welcome and share with them!) I'll definitely be praying for them as they head off to partner with the work that is going on in Togo.
During the next few weeks, I've decided that each day I'm going to ready over my journal and the letters that I wrote- not only to remember how it was, to remember all of the feelings but to look at that chunk of time in my life that was so significant to my growth and maybe see how God moved in ways that I haven't noticed before.
I wish today that I could be in Florida preparing to go see some of these people again and continue where we left off last summer, but that's not where God has me this summer. For now the most I can do is pray for the names and faces of the people I met and share their stories.
A piece of my heart remains in Togo, but I also need to remember that the story God has for me here in the states is just as important to His story. Even though the ministry looks vastly different and our lives here are full of distractions, His story continues.
"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints." - Ephesians 1:18
May 30, 2011
Summer is...
Summer is...
- Sitting on the back porch after dinner with my sister listening to music, singing and journaling as rain falls gently around us
- Thunderstorms with downpours of rain
- Playing guitar and singing with my best friend in an open field as if only God can hear us
- Lightning bugs
- barefeet
- When there's so much sunlight after dinner it's like you have a whole extra day ahead of you
- Popsicles and ice cream
- lightning bugs flickering in the night, and catching them
- tin foil dinners
- reading on a blanket surrounded by grass
- sand between your toes being washed away by cool water
- that feeling when you get in the car like you shouldn't be able to breathe it's so hot
- campfires and s'mores
- the beach
- sunsets (even more so when combined with the ocean and sand)
- playgrounds and swings (especially if you're over the 'age limit' to play on them)
- drawing with chalk on a hot driveway
- flip flops
- hammocks
- star gazing on a warm summer night
- climbing trees
- the fresh smell the earth has right after a rainstorm
- warm sunshine
- dancing in the rain
Just some of the reasons I love this season :)
- Sitting on the back porch after dinner with my sister listening to music, singing and journaling as rain falls gently around us
- Thunderstorms with downpours of rain
- Playing guitar and singing with my best friend in an open field as if only God can hear us
- Lightning bugs
- barefeet
- When there's so much sunlight after dinner it's like you have a whole extra day ahead of you
- Popsicles and ice cream
- lightning bugs flickering in the night, and catching them
- tin foil dinners
- reading on a blanket surrounded by grass
- sand between your toes being washed away by cool water
- that feeling when you get in the car like you shouldn't be able to breathe it's so hot
- campfires and s'mores
- the beach
- sunsets (even more so when combined with the ocean and sand)
- playgrounds and swings (especially if you're over the 'age limit' to play on them)
- drawing with chalk on a hot driveway
- flip flops
- hammocks
- star gazing on a warm summer night
- climbing trees
- the fresh smell the earth has right after a rainstorm
- warm sunshine
- dancing in the rain
Just some of the reasons I love this season :)
May 18, 2011
Thankfulness & Rainy Days
I am halfway through my second week of summer, it's a particularly rainy, dreary week where I'm spending much of my time organizing old treasures, being crafty, and talking with the dogs. it's quiet, but I'm learning to enjoy it. My nannying job should be starting up pretty soon, and camp won't be starting up for another month- so I'm thinking I should soak in this relaxation time and relish it for as much as it's worth.
I've starting reading a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and granted I'm only on
the second chapter but so far she's said some things that have really got me thinking about life and whether I'm living it out in a way that's pleasing to the Lord or if I'm wasting my days away.
It's easy for me to think that days like today are 'wasted days,' the days where it's pouring down rain and the only thing on my schedule is to take my sister to school and clean/organize something, but those aren't wasted days. The wasted days are the days we don't take time to spend with the Father, the days we are incessantly ungrateful- and I have to admit I've had quite a few of those days this summer but I've decided that those days will be no more. We are flooded with too many blessings each day to live ungrateful and selfish lives.
Also this week I've been looking at Ecclesiastes 11, which reminds me of something out of a Dr. Seuss book.
"Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again." 11:1
- So I'm not really sure what this verse means, at all. I think it could mean something about holding things loosely, sharing what we've been blessed with because God will continue to provide.
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, Maker of all things." 11:5
- This one is a bit easier to figure out and I love it- we can't even begin to comprehend our God's ways but they are perfect and amazing.
"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all but let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless." 11:7-8
- Take time to enjoy each day, be thankful for each one. Don't forget the difficult or 'dark' days of your testimony because God uses them too to sculpt us into who He's created us to be.
"So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless." 11:10
- Banish anxiety and worry and fear from your heart- for our desires and are youth mean nothing in comparison to Christ and living for Him.
After spending much of this week searching through the drawers and boxes of the room my sister and I grew up in- sorting through the 'treasures' we've kept over the years these verses kind of hit me a different way. I may be an 'adult' now, but I'm still young and there is more of my life ahead of me (Lord willing) than what is behind. Although all that remains of my childhood are memories, photographs and boxes of 'treasures' there is still a sweetness to life. There is sweetness in each season of life, no matter which season you're in, there is beauty in each day- if you take the time to notice it.
So my goal for the next few weeks is to take more time to spend with the Father, be grateful for each moment I get to spend with those I love and overflow with thankfulness for all Christ has done for me. Soak in the sweetness and beauty of each day- whether it's full of tasks or empty of tasks.
I've starting reading a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp and granted I'm only on
the second chapter but so far she's said some things that have really got me thinking about life and whether I'm living it out in a way that's pleasing to the Lord or if I'm wasting my days away.
It's easy for me to think that days like today are 'wasted days,' the days where it's pouring down rain and the only thing on my schedule is to take my sister to school and clean/organize something, but those aren't wasted days. The wasted days are the days we don't take time to spend with the Father, the days we are incessantly ungrateful- and I have to admit I've had quite a few of those days this summer but I've decided that those days will be no more. We are flooded with too many blessings each day to live ungrateful and selfish lives.
"Our fall was, has always been, and always will be, that we aren't satisfied in God and what He gives. We hunger for something more, something other."- Ann Voskamp
Also this week I've been looking at Ecclesiastes 11, which reminds me of something out of a Dr. Seuss book.
"Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again." 11:1
- So I'm not really sure what this verse means, at all. I think it could mean something about holding things loosely, sharing what we've been blessed with because God will continue to provide.
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, Maker of all things." 11:5
- This one is a bit easier to figure out and I love it- we can't even begin to comprehend our God's ways but they are perfect and amazing.
"Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all but let him remember the days of darkness, for they will be many. Everything to come is meaningless." 11:7-8
- Take time to enjoy each day, be thankful for each one. Don't forget the difficult or 'dark' days of your testimony because God uses them too to sculpt us into who He's created us to be.
"So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless." 11:10
- Banish anxiety and worry and fear from your heart- for our desires and are youth mean nothing in comparison to Christ and living for Him.
After spending much of this week searching through the drawers and boxes of the room my sister and I grew up in- sorting through the 'treasures' we've kept over the years these verses kind of hit me a different way. I may be an 'adult' now, but I'm still young and there is more of my life ahead of me (Lord willing) than what is behind. Although all that remains of my childhood are memories, photographs and boxes of 'treasures' there is still a sweetness to life. There is sweetness in each season of life, no matter which season you're in, there is beauty in each day- if you take the time to notice it.
So my goal for the next few weeks is to take more time to spend with the Father, be grateful for each moment I get to spend with those I love and overflow with thankfulness for all Christ has done for me. Soak in the sweetness and beauty of each day- whether it's full of tasks or empty of tasks.
May 4, 2011
Sunshine
Yesterday was my birthday, for 22 years now I've been living on this earth. It's crazy to think that I'm getting that old...I know that I will never be any younger than I am today but I feel as if 22 is an age where you truly become a grown up. It's exciting, bittersweet, scary, and beautiful all at the same time.
It was a wonderful birthday full of friends, sunshine and love. I spend the majority of the day enjoying the sunshine on a hike with three of my closest friends here at Ship and laying on a beach of a lake not too far from school (the same place actually where Ethan and I got engaged a few months ago). They were calling for rain on Tuesday and miraculously it was warm and sunny all day! I loved it! We came back then and got ready for a dinner out- which was equally as good.
This past weekend I headed to Lancaster to hang out, celebrate my birthday with Ethan and (the real reason for being in Lancaster) to surprise my best friend Kari at her school's senior commissioning- and it was a success!
God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life, and I am not deserving of it in the least bit, but I'm so thankful for each and every person He's placed along my path :)
The past few days I've been thinking quite a bit how even though I'll be coming back in the fall I'm kind of closing the door or 'rounding' a corner in my college life, or I guess really with life in general. So many things are about to change: this summer I will be taking on a different role at the camp I've been working at the past few years and at the end of the summer, in the fall my sister will begin her first year of college and I'll be starting student teaching, beginning my job hunt and planning for my wedding. Today I completed my last final of my college career and my summer has begun. My roommates and best friend will be graduating this weekend and as everything shifts and changes I know that there is a constant. God is here, He always has been and He always will be. The same God who created the universe and holds it together is in control of my life even if the changes seem like madness He's got it.
A few days ago the director of the camp I work at emailed me the idea of being the camp's bible teacher this summer instead of taking on the role as the arts & crafts teacher. The idea scared me a little, the idea of leading chapel each week really, and so I spent a few days praying and trying to determine if this is what God had planned for me this summer. While trying to figure it out someone shared this passage with me:
Verse 13 is a familiar verse to most, but this really got me thinking that no matter what obstacle stands in my path, if Christ is my anchor, the one whom my identity and fully reliance is in- nothing is impossible. After I responded to the camp director that I knew it would be a stretching experience but I was willing to try it out I got a text from my friend saying that someone she knows was really interested in the job. It's interesting how God does things, I had come to a decision that I was going to trust Him in it and knew that He would give me all I needed for that job then in the end I won't be doing it after all. It was a lesson that He's more interested in the molding and teaching than in the outcome. So, this summer I will be teaching arts and crafts at camp and she will be doing bible. I'm pretty excited and content in the fact that God will use each person at camp this summer, regardless of our job descriptions, to spread His name, show His love, and bring Him glory and I will continue to trust that He'll be more than enough for me in whatever I'll be doing. I. can't. wait.
Welp, I think that's enough for today. Hope this post finds you in the middle of a beautiful week whether it's rainy or sunny, happy or sad we have Christ and in that we can rejoice and that is truly beautiful!
It was a wonderful birthday full of friends, sunshine and love. I spend the majority of the day enjoying the sunshine on a hike with three of my closest friends here at Ship and laying on a beach of a lake not too far from school (the same place actually where Ethan and I got engaged a few months ago). They were calling for rain on Tuesday and miraculously it was warm and sunny all day! I loved it! We came back then and got ready for a dinner out- which was equally as good.
This past weekend I headed to Lancaster to hang out, celebrate my birthday with Ethan and (the real reason for being in Lancaster) to surprise my best friend Kari at her school's senior commissioning- and it was a success!
God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life, and I am not deserving of it in the least bit, but I'm so thankful for each and every person He's placed along my path :)
The past few days I've been thinking quite a bit how even though I'll be coming back in the fall I'm kind of closing the door or 'rounding' a corner in my college life, or I guess really with life in general. So many things are about to change: this summer I will be taking on a different role at the camp I've been working at the past few years and at the end of the summer, in the fall my sister will begin her first year of college and I'll be starting student teaching, beginning my job hunt and planning for my wedding. Today I completed my last final of my college career and my summer has begun. My roommates and best friend will be graduating this weekend and as everything shifts and changes I know that there is a constant. God is here, He always has been and He always will be. The same God who created the universe and holds it together is in control of my life even if the changes seem like madness He's got it.
A few days ago the director of the camp I work at emailed me the idea of being the camp's bible teacher this summer instead of taking on the role as the arts & crafts teacher. The idea scared me a little, the idea of leading chapel each week really, and so I spent a few days praying and trying to determine if this is what God had planned for me this summer. While trying to figure it out someone shared this passage with me:
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:12-13
Verse 13 is a familiar verse to most, but this really got me thinking that no matter what obstacle stands in my path, if Christ is my anchor, the one whom my identity and fully reliance is in- nothing is impossible. After I responded to the camp director that I knew it would be a stretching experience but I was willing to try it out I got a text from my friend saying that someone she knows was really interested in the job. It's interesting how God does things, I had come to a decision that I was going to trust Him in it and knew that He would give me all I needed for that job then in the end I won't be doing it after all. It was a lesson that He's more interested in the molding and teaching than in the outcome. So, this summer I will be teaching arts and crafts at camp and she will be doing bible. I'm pretty excited and content in the fact that God will use each person at camp this summer, regardless of our job descriptions, to spread His name, show His love, and bring Him glory and I will continue to trust that He'll be more than enough for me in whatever I'll be doing. I. can't. wait.
Welp, I think that's enough for today. Hope this post finds you in the middle of a beautiful week whether it's rainy or sunny, happy or sad we have Christ and in that we can rejoice and that is truly beautiful!
September 9, 2010
Looking Back and Moving Forward
So it's nearing the end of my second week of school. I'm all settled into my room and getting used to being back.I'm working at remembering and living out the lessons God taught me this summer by trying to let go and surrender each day to Christ.
Today I have for the most part free, so I decided to sit down and read through my journal from Togo (or at least some of it, it's pretty long!) I found an entry from the third week where I listed all of the lessons I had learned so far on the journey, this is it :)
"Lessons learned from Togo
Though I've only been here for a few short weeks I've already learned so much that I don't want to ever forget.
I've learned how blessed I truly am, I grew up in a place where material things are taken for granted, and so easily I'm blinded and forget how much I'm blessed each day. I've seen how truly lucky I am.
I've seen how faithful God is and learned the power of prayer. I've learned the importance of abiding in God ALONE.
I've seen how much control and how many distractions Satan uses to draw me away from God. I've learned that if I just spend the time I set apart for God for HIS glory, and really dig deep, how much He has to reveal to me. I've learned that abiding and trusting God with everything means fully surrendering without fear or doubt.
I've learned how little I know and how much I need to learn.
I've seen firsthand how God can use anything He wants, even the color of my skin to reveal His glory. I've realized how often I limit God's power in my mind and I know that He is capable of much more than i can imagine and does things in HIS timing HIS way. I've learned how sweet and good His timing and and His way really are.
I've seen poverty and lifestyles I hardly believed existed or had only read about it books or seen on t.v. I've seen how much joy that believers living in those hard situations have and how they realize that this life isn't about them or their wants or needs, but God is good despite the circumstances and His joy lasts.
I've seen how much sin reigns over peoples lives and how much we are in need of a Savior. I've learned how strong Satan is, but how much STRONGER God is. I've learned that PERFECT LOVE casts out ALL fear.
I've learned that when you turn all your worries and anxieties over to Christ FULLY and lay them at the cross He will supply all you need and FILL you with a peace and joy beyond any we have tried to build for ourselves or find here on this earth. And indescribable peace and joy that can only come from Christ.
I've learned that God is Sovereign and His ways and His purposes are higher than any of mine could ever be (by far.)
I've learned that even though at times I may feel worthless, useless or incomplete ONLY HE can fill me and satisfy all of my desires. God knows what I need. He is all I need.
I've seen the beauty of God's creation through His people, His scenery, in children's laughs and in the night sky. I've grown deeper in relationship with my Father in heaven and realize how far I have to go. It's come to my attention how frequently I've put my relationship with Christ on the sidelines of my life and how much I desire for Him to be my first priority in ALL areas of my life.
I've seen how powerful the gospel is and how through its simplicity and freedom people can be transformed. God is molding each of His children, God is transforming me, into His image.
I've realized that the bible is FULL of truth. Every single piece, every word, every promise. The creator of the WHOLE world loves me, takes care of me, provides all I need and I take it so lightly. I have no reason to be afraid or worried: the God who made the stars, the universe and everything in it is in control of my life.
I've learned more about God's gift of the Holy Spirt and how much His gift of grace and freedom from sin really is worth.
I've learned that although overseas missions isn't something I feel called to right now, His ministry is something that we as believers are called to each day, wherever we are in whatever we are doing. All we do should be done for His glory alone.
I've learned that although I often get nervous or afraid, unless I step out in faith and do what I'm afraid of and let go of my fears, those fears will never subside. Perfect love, only Christ's love, casts out fear.
I've seen how easy most American's have it materialistically and how entitled we think we are to having that ease. I've learned how worthless everything on this Earth is in comparison to Christ. I've learned to appreciate what I've been given more.
I've learned that each moment is its own and should be treated for what it is: a fleeting gift.
I've been reminded that my life is not my own, that the only purpose worth living for is God's.
I've seen, played with, and held some of the 'unloved' and 'unwanted' of this world and learned how much God's love alone is all that can satisfy. He is all they need, and He is all I need. As believers we are all called children of God.
I've learned that when you 'lose your life' for Christ that is when you find it.
I am hidden with Christ in God and He is all I need. All else can fade away, all I need is Jesus.
I've seen how much I struggle with pride, selfishness, patience, compassion, kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness (just to name a few) and know that only with the help of the Holy Spirit can any of that change.
I've been reminded of how unworthy I am of God's gift and how much I don't deserve His love and grace and how my life should be lived as a life of praise and thankfulness to the King.
I have been entrusted (1 Timothy 1:14) with the gift of the gospel, I am an heir to His inheritance and have access to the kingdom. I need to live a life worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27) and of the calling. I need to pour the fragrance of Christ wherever I am, during whatever I'm doing (2 Corinthians 2:14-15).
I want to daily live in His presence, soaking in as much of Him as I can and let it overflow to the world around me. I want Jesus to be the center and the source of my life."
"There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because, if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need to be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to and of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all he has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." - A.W. Tozer
Today I have for the most part free, so I decided to sit down and read through my journal from Togo (or at least some of it, it's pretty long!) I found an entry from the third week where I listed all of the lessons I had learned so far on the journey, this is it :)
"Lessons learned from Togo
Though I've only been here for a few short weeks I've already learned so much that I don't want to ever forget.
I've learned how blessed I truly am, I grew up in a place where material things are taken for granted, and so easily I'm blinded and forget how much I'm blessed each day. I've seen how truly lucky I am.
I've seen how faithful God is and learned the power of prayer. I've learned the importance of abiding in God ALONE.
I've seen how much control and how many distractions Satan uses to draw me away from God. I've learned that if I just spend the time I set apart for God for HIS glory, and really dig deep, how much He has to reveal to me. I've learned that abiding and trusting God with everything means fully surrendering without fear or doubt.
I've learned how little I know and how much I need to learn.
I've seen firsthand how God can use anything He wants, even the color of my skin to reveal His glory. I've realized how often I limit God's power in my mind and I know that He is capable of much more than i can imagine and does things in HIS timing HIS way. I've learned how sweet and good His timing and and His way really are.
I've seen poverty and lifestyles I hardly believed existed or had only read about it books or seen on t.v. I've seen how much joy that believers living in those hard situations have and how they realize that this life isn't about them or their wants or needs, but God is good despite the circumstances and His joy lasts.
I've seen how much sin reigns over peoples lives and how much we are in need of a Savior. I've learned how strong Satan is, but how much STRONGER God is. I've learned that PERFECT LOVE casts out ALL fear.
I've learned that when you turn all your worries and anxieties over to Christ FULLY and lay them at the cross He will supply all you need and FILL you with a peace and joy beyond any we have tried to build for ourselves or find here on this earth. And indescribable peace and joy that can only come from Christ.
I've learned that God is Sovereign and His ways and His purposes are higher than any of mine could ever be (by far.)
I've learned that even though at times I may feel worthless, useless or incomplete ONLY HE can fill me and satisfy all of my desires. God knows what I need. He is all I need.
I've seen the beauty of God's creation through His people, His scenery, in children's laughs and in the night sky. I've grown deeper in relationship with my Father in heaven and realize how far I have to go. It's come to my attention how frequently I've put my relationship with Christ on the sidelines of my life and how much I desire for Him to be my first priority in ALL areas of my life.
I've seen how powerful the gospel is and how through its simplicity and freedom people can be transformed. God is molding each of His children, God is transforming me, into His image.
I've realized that the bible is FULL of truth. Every single piece, every word, every promise. The creator of the WHOLE world loves me, takes care of me, provides all I need and I take it so lightly. I have no reason to be afraid or worried: the God who made the stars, the universe and everything in it is in control of my life.
I've learned more about God's gift of the Holy Spirt and how much His gift of grace and freedom from sin really is worth.
I've learned that although overseas missions isn't something I feel called to right now, His ministry is something that we as believers are called to each day, wherever we are in whatever we are doing. All we do should be done for His glory alone.
I've learned that although I often get nervous or afraid, unless I step out in faith and do what I'm afraid of and let go of my fears, those fears will never subside. Perfect love, only Christ's love, casts out fear.
I've seen how easy most American's have it materialistically and how entitled we think we are to having that ease. I've learned how worthless everything on this Earth is in comparison to Christ. I've learned to appreciate what I've been given more.
I've learned that each moment is its own and should be treated for what it is: a fleeting gift.
I've been reminded that my life is not my own, that the only purpose worth living for is God's.
I've seen, played with, and held some of the 'unloved' and 'unwanted' of this world and learned how much God's love alone is all that can satisfy. He is all they need, and He is all I need. As believers we are all called children of God.
I've learned that when you 'lose your life' for Christ that is when you find it.
I am hidden with Christ in God and He is all I need. All else can fade away, all I need is Jesus.
I've seen how much I struggle with pride, selfishness, patience, compassion, kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness (just to name a few) and know that only with the help of the Holy Spirit can any of that change.
I've been reminded of how unworthy I am of God's gift and how much I don't deserve His love and grace and how my life should be lived as a life of praise and thankfulness to the King.
I have been entrusted (1 Timothy 1:14) with the gift of the gospel, I am an heir to His inheritance and have access to the kingdom. I need to live a life worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27) and of the calling. I need to pour the fragrance of Christ wherever I am, during whatever I'm doing (2 Corinthians 2:14-15).
I want to daily live in His presence, soaking in as much of Him as I can and let it overflow to the world around me. I want Jesus to be the center and the source of my life."
"There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because, if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need to be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to and of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all he has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." - A.W. Tozer
August 15, 2010
This life is not your own
Well, the summer is coming to an end, two weeks from tonight I'll be at my apartment soaking in the last few hours of summer. I've been back from Africa for as long I was IN Africa for and God has continued to teach me things from the experience.
Something that God has been continually hitting me with is the fact that this life is not about me. This life isn't mine. None of my possessions, relationships, none of my moments, nothing belongs to me. It's crazy to think about how most of our lives are centered on getting what WE want and on US being happy. If life is about our happiness, then what is the whole point?
I spent this past week at the beach with my extended family for a (mostly) all girls week. It was astonishing to me to look around on the beach at all of the people and to try and figure out what they were thinking. I love to put myself into other peoples heads and try to figure out who they are outside of the moment that I see them. It's so cool to think about how God created each and every person, and each of them has a purpose in His story, but so sad to think that most of the people we see every day live their lives as if they are the main character of THEIR story and not a small part in HIS. I'm guilty of living this way myself but it's insane to think about how many people in this world don't know or really just don't care to know that they have the opportunity to be a child of the King, the Creator of the Universe and can have access to His kingdom. How often do we stop to think that our emotions, what we want/like to do really doesn't matter? I know that for me, I have to make a conscious effort to see past my own mind and selfishness, it's hard. We live in a culture that idolizes 'self.' We're told, often indirectly, that we are the best and that we can do anything that we want. We're told that being driven and accomplishing OUR goals is what is important, getting ahead of everyone else is what's important- but what about everyone else. We, as much as we believe we are, are not the center of our world. As much as we try to control our lives, we are not the ones in control. We need to live acknowledging daily that our lives are not our own, our moments are fleeting and don't belong to us. We need to live with purpose, a purpose beyond ourselves, because after all, we aren't the main characters of our story.
During debrief after our trip they gave us a small book called "Unearth" it was all about processing everything that we had just seen overseas and transitioning back into the fast-paced American culture. I avoided reading the book until this past week, not because I didn't want help processing the trip, but after the first few days back the joy that I felt made me believe that I was okay, I was processing just fine and didn't need any help thinking through things, well now that the distractions of life have hit me head on (and this is only summer break!) I've found myself starting to "forget" and revert back to my "old mindset." I decided to read the book, not because I necessarily realized this but because I had finished everything else I brought to read and it was the only book I had left, I'm so glad I read it though. I've noticed since being home that I have avoided trying to talk about the trip or really even think about it too much. It's so strange to think that a little over a month ago I was living in a completely different world, a world where physical need was so blatant. It's kind of hard to think about where I was and how the people I got to know live daily, and are continuing to live while I sit in my house with four walls, a roof, running water, electricity, a bed for each person and more food than we could ever eat. The book talks about how it's easy to avoid this tension in our minds, it compares it to the awkwardness we often feel when we see a homeless person on the street. It talked about how while we struggle through all of this mentally to remember that GOD IS GOOD. In a lot of ways I feel like the people who live in need are so much better than us who have practically everything at our fingertips. We live in a world of excess where we can be so easily tricked into thinking that what we want is of importance, it's 'the norm' to live selfishly. We are called to live for God, not ourselves: "And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:15
During my week at the shore I was blessed to spend an evening on the beach completely alone with nothing but my bible and my journal watching the sun set. It had been a few days since I had set apart significant time to just BE with God and talk with Him about what's going on in my mind, to separate myself completely from the world and distractions. I was reminded how easily I am distracted and how often my motives revolve around myself and not God. My prayer lately has been that God will purify my motives, that my life would revolve around HIM and not me.
I'm starting to crave the quiet, distraction-less times the times where I can just sit and write and think and be with God alone. Something new for me since I've returned from Africa is running, I've grown to love it- granted I don't make it very far and I'm not very fast but I love it because when I'm running it's a time that's practically distraction free. It's just me and God, no phone, no computer, no one else. Running is never something I thought I'd say I would enjoy.
I feel like I'm starting to ramble, but there's one last thing I wanted to share, a quote from the 'Unearth' book: "...there is an opportunity to be an offering every moment of everyday." Each moment of every day needs to be surrendered to God because the moments aren't for us to cling to and use as we please.
Something that God has been continually hitting me with is the fact that this life is not about me. This life isn't mine. None of my possessions, relationships, none of my moments, nothing belongs to me. It's crazy to think about how most of our lives are centered on getting what WE want and on US being happy. If life is about our happiness, then what is the whole point?
I spent this past week at the beach with my extended family for a (mostly) all girls week. It was astonishing to me to look around on the beach at all of the people and to try and figure out what they were thinking. I love to put myself into other peoples heads and try to figure out who they are outside of the moment that I see them. It's so cool to think about how God created each and every person, and each of them has a purpose in His story, but so sad to think that most of the people we see every day live their lives as if they are the main character of THEIR story and not a small part in HIS. I'm guilty of living this way myself but it's insane to think about how many people in this world don't know or really just don't care to know that they have the opportunity to be a child of the King, the Creator of the Universe and can have access to His kingdom. How often do we stop to think that our emotions, what we want/like to do really doesn't matter? I know that for me, I have to make a conscious effort to see past my own mind and selfishness, it's hard. We live in a culture that idolizes 'self.' We're told, often indirectly, that we are the best and that we can do anything that we want. We're told that being driven and accomplishing OUR goals is what is important, getting ahead of everyone else is what's important- but what about everyone else. We, as much as we believe we are, are not the center of our world. As much as we try to control our lives, we are not the ones in control. We need to live acknowledging daily that our lives are not our own, our moments are fleeting and don't belong to us. We need to live with purpose, a purpose beyond ourselves, because after all, we aren't the main characters of our story.
During debrief after our trip they gave us a small book called "Unearth" it was all about processing everything that we had just seen overseas and transitioning back into the fast-paced American culture. I avoided reading the book until this past week, not because I didn't want help processing the trip, but after the first few days back the joy that I felt made me believe that I was okay, I was processing just fine and didn't need any help thinking through things, well now that the distractions of life have hit me head on (and this is only summer break!) I've found myself starting to "forget" and revert back to my "old mindset." I decided to read the book, not because I necessarily realized this but because I had finished everything else I brought to read and it was the only book I had left, I'm so glad I read it though. I've noticed since being home that I have avoided trying to talk about the trip or really even think about it too much. It's so strange to think that a little over a month ago I was living in a completely different world, a world where physical need was so blatant. It's kind of hard to think about where I was and how the people I got to know live daily, and are continuing to live while I sit in my house with four walls, a roof, running water, electricity, a bed for each person and more food than we could ever eat. The book talks about how it's easy to avoid this tension in our minds, it compares it to the awkwardness we often feel when we see a homeless person on the street. It talked about how while we struggle through all of this mentally to remember that GOD IS GOOD. In a lot of ways I feel like the people who live in need are so much better than us who have practically everything at our fingertips. We live in a world of excess where we can be so easily tricked into thinking that what we want is of importance, it's 'the norm' to live selfishly. We are called to live for God, not ourselves: "And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:15
During my week at the shore I was blessed to spend an evening on the beach completely alone with nothing but my bible and my journal watching the sun set. It had been a few days since I had set apart significant time to just BE with God and talk with Him about what's going on in my mind, to separate myself completely from the world and distractions. I was reminded how easily I am distracted and how often my motives revolve around myself and not God. My prayer lately has been that God will purify my motives, that my life would revolve around HIM and not me.
I'm starting to crave the quiet, distraction-less times the times where I can just sit and write and think and be with God alone. Something new for me since I've returned from Africa is running, I've grown to love it- granted I don't make it very far and I'm not very fast but I love it because when I'm running it's a time that's practically distraction free. It's just me and God, no phone, no computer, no one else. Running is never something I thought I'd say I would enjoy.
I feel like I'm starting to ramble, but there's one last thing I wanted to share, a quote from the 'Unearth' book: "...there is an opportunity to be an offering every moment of everyday." Each moment of every day needs to be surrendered to God because the moments aren't for us to cling to and use as we please.
July 31, 2010
God's Fireworks
This is a journal entry from my trip in Africa that I thought I would share on here :)
July 4, 2010
"I'm pretty sure that homesickness was at an all time high for the team today. The end is drawing near and we know that it won’t be long until we’ll be close to the comforts of home. I think a lot of the home-missing today and to do with it being the 4th of July and people missing their traditions of the holiday at home and knowing that even though we’re on a different continent those traditions of fireworks and cookouts are still continuing.
Around dinnertime a huge thunderstorm started- all thunder and lightning- no rain. The lightning flashed as bright as beams of sun stretched across the dark night sky. After finishing up eating we debated on whether or not we should go out into the opening in front of our building to watch the whole thing. As we debated the power shut off (as it had about a million other times that day and every other day) and the lightning lit up the sky three times. We decided that we probably should go out and watch since it was pitch black and seeing to be able to do anything else was nearly impossible.
We went out on the porch and “ooooed” and “ahhed” at each strike (mostly just the girls because the boys were sick and had left halfway through dinner to go lay down.) After a little while the girls all grabbed hands and ventured out in the pitch black open area to stare up at the sky. We stood in a circle, holding hands, and sang as many patriotic songs as we could come up with at the top of our lungs- loud and off key. When we ran out of songs we just stood under the vast sky and admired the beauty of what was going on around us.
The sky was probably the MOST gorgeously, amazingly, beautiful thing I have EVER seen. There were few clouds and the stars were SO clear, the lightning struck around the stars as if dancing with joy. It. Was. Beautiful. Words cannot describe the beauty of the display God made. I stood there and tried to soak in as much of it to my memory as I could.
After some time one of the girls suggested that we pray to thank God for this beauty and pray for our country and families back home. We huddled together in a “grug” (our name for group hug) and began to pray. As the prayers ended, we said ‘amen’ and the huddle dismantled the power came back on. God’s fireworks display was over.
God showed us a small piece of His magnificence, beauty, and love through the lightning among the stars. We were homesick and missing the traditions of the home holiday, yet an ocean away God gave us the most spectacular light show we’ve ever seen. Even though it wasn’t the show we’re used to it was more glorious than any man-made display could ever be. It’s a few moments in time that I never want to forget. The time God made lightning flash among the stars."
July 4, 2010
"I'm pretty sure that homesickness was at an all time high for the team today. The end is drawing near and we know that it won’t be long until we’ll be close to the comforts of home. I think a lot of the home-missing today and to do with it being the 4th of July and people missing their traditions of the holiday at home and knowing that even though we’re on a different continent those traditions of fireworks and cookouts are still continuing.
Around dinnertime a huge thunderstorm started- all thunder and lightning- no rain. The lightning flashed as bright as beams of sun stretched across the dark night sky. After finishing up eating we debated on whether or not we should go out into the opening in front of our building to watch the whole thing. As we debated the power shut off (as it had about a million other times that day and every other day) and the lightning lit up the sky three times. We decided that we probably should go out and watch since it was pitch black and seeing to be able to do anything else was nearly impossible.
We went out on the porch and “ooooed” and “ahhed” at each strike (mostly just the girls because the boys were sick and had left halfway through dinner to go lay down.) After a little while the girls all grabbed hands and ventured out in the pitch black open area to stare up at the sky. We stood in a circle, holding hands, and sang as many patriotic songs as we could come up with at the top of our lungs- loud and off key. When we ran out of songs we just stood under the vast sky and admired the beauty of what was going on around us.
The sky was probably the MOST gorgeously, amazingly, beautiful thing I have EVER seen. There were few clouds and the stars were SO clear, the lightning struck around the stars as if dancing with joy. It. Was. Beautiful. Words cannot describe the beauty of the display God made. I stood there and tried to soak in as much of it to my memory as I could.
After some time one of the girls suggested that we pray to thank God for this beauty and pray for our country and families back home. We huddled together in a “grug” (our name for group hug) and began to pray. As the prayers ended, we said ‘amen’ and the huddle dismantled the power came back on. God’s fireworks display was over.
God showed us a small piece of His magnificence, beauty, and love through the lightning among the stars. We were homesick and missing the traditions of the home holiday, yet an ocean away God gave us the most spectacular light show we’ve ever seen. Even though it wasn’t the show we’re used to it was more glorious than any man-made display could ever be. It’s a few moments in time that I never want to forget. The time God made lightning flash among the stars."
July 25, 2010
Change in the Making
So I realize that it's been f-o-r-e-v-e-r since I've written on this, I kind of just made it, wrote in it and never returned to it. So much has happened in my heart and my mind since I wrote last, God's been doing big things in revealing Himself to me. I won’t be saying to much about Africa in this post but hopefully as time goes on I’ll write about it more. About a week ago I returned from most definitely the biggest adventure of my life as of yet. So much happened and I learned great leaps and bounds (God's still teaching me some lessons from the trip and I'm sure He will continue to do so for a LONG time.)
This past week I've had time to reflect back on the summer, my life and my relationship with God over the past few years. My time in Africa was a time with very limited communication outside of our team, and very few distractions I could easily sit for an hour or more journaling and praying and reading: spending time being still and communicating with God only. That time was so fruitful, and such a blessing. It was amazing to spend that much intimate time with God; I have never felt so close to Him as I feel now. This trip not only opened my eyes up to the world but to the largeness and sovereignty of God. I'm in awe of His greatness. He is so full of grace and so loving and I don't deserve ANY of it in ANY way- none of us do. He’s amazing. Something that has been on my mind a lot since I've gotten back is "okay God so you revealed so much of Yourself to me in Africa and revealed to me a lot about myself, how do I apply it here." If you've ever gone to a camp or on mission trip of any kind you know that when you get back you're on a "spiritual high" and typically in a few weeks that’s gone, once reality hits you go back to your normal way of living. I’ve spent a majority of this past week trying to go against the flow of the ‘normal’ I’ve tried to apply the changes and what I have learned the past six weeks to my ‘real life’ because let’s face it- if I don’t try to do it now it probably won’t happen. It’s been so freeing to just take time to BE with God and to take time to surrender what I’m doing to Him- He has filled me with and inexpressible and glorious joy that I never want to fade. I know that as I start working and head back to school in a few weeks that it will become harder to go against the norm but I really desire nothing more than to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ.
Right now I feel so full and so satisfied; my heart is so full of joy at times I feel like it could explode. I never want to fall of this ‘mountain top’ and back into the valley again I want to continue climbing- continuing to strive after God and living my life for Him. Christ is all I want to live for. These times I’ve spent alone with God I’ve seen how much my life and my mind revolve around MY wants, MY needs, and MY worries and how little I surrender myself to Him. Something that hit me kind of hard the first few weeks in Togo was the fact that in sharing the gospel with people I would often say that “Christ is the only thing that can fill you and satisfy you, He is ALL you need.” I spent a good amount of time thinking ‘if this is what I truly believe, do I live like that?’ the answer is no. That was a hard reality to meet, it was definitely a turning point. I know that Christ is the only thing that can fill me, and that He can transform an mold my life in MUCH greater ways that I could ever imagine or attempt to create for myself. I am blessed with so much: amazing friends, the ability to go to school, really every moment I am showered with countless blessings (we all are) but we don’t NEED any of it. The moment we start living as if we are the ones in control of our lives or that anything we have in our lives is more important than God, that’s the moment we stop trusting God. That hits hard too: how often do our thoughts and actions revolve around ourselves, how often do we surrender ourselves and our blessings to God and say “God it’s all yours- use it as you please” I know it’s been pretty rare in my life.
In Togo I started reading a book called “The Pursuit of God” by A.W. Tozer and it talks a little bit about this:
“We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really save which is not so committed.”
I need to let go of everything I cling to, no matter how difficult it is and cling to Christ with EVERYTHING. When my life is committed to Him what could be better?
At the beginning of this week I wrote out a few questions to ask myself on a daily (well, continual) basis:
1. Who am I living for right at this moment, who am I glorifying: God or myself?
2. Have I surrendered this to God? Am I trusting Him with it- or trying to deal with it on my own?
My deepest desire is to grow deeper in relationship with God and live fully surrendered to Him. I really hope that as life starts to pick up that I’ll remember that this life is not about me, that I am blessed beyond imagination, and that the Creator of the universe loves me and hold my every moment in the palm of His hand. Christ is all that I need, all that any of us need.
This past week I've had time to reflect back on the summer, my life and my relationship with God over the past few years. My time in Africa was a time with very limited communication outside of our team, and very few distractions I could easily sit for an hour or more journaling and praying and reading: spending time being still and communicating with God only. That time was so fruitful, and such a blessing. It was amazing to spend that much intimate time with God; I have never felt so close to Him as I feel now. This trip not only opened my eyes up to the world but to the largeness and sovereignty of God. I'm in awe of His greatness. He is so full of grace and so loving and I don't deserve ANY of it in ANY way- none of us do. He’s amazing. Something that has been on my mind a lot since I've gotten back is "okay God so you revealed so much of Yourself to me in Africa and revealed to me a lot about myself, how do I apply it here." If you've ever gone to a camp or on mission trip of any kind you know that when you get back you're on a "spiritual high" and typically in a few weeks that’s gone, once reality hits you go back to your normal way of living. I’ve spent a majority of this past week trying to go against the flow of the ‘normal’ I’ve tried to apply the changes and what I have learned the past six weeks to my ‘real life’ because let’s face it- if I don’t try to do it now it probably won’t happen. It’s been so freeing to just take time to BE with God and to take time to surrender what I’m doing to Him- He has filled me with and inexpressible and glorious joy that I never want to fade. I know that as I start working and head back to school in a few weeks that it will become harder to go against the norm but I really desire nothing more than to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ.
Right now I feel so full and so satisfied; my heart is so full of joy at times I feel like it could explode. I never want to fall of this ‘mountain top’ and back into the valley again I want to continue climbing- continuing to strive after God and living my life for Him. Christ is all I want to live for. These times I’ve spent alone with God I’ve seen how much my life and my mind revolve around MY wants, MY needs, and MY worries and how little I surrender myself to Him. Something that hit me kind of hard the first few weeks in Togo was the fact that in sharing the gospel with people I would often say that “Christ is the only thing that can fill you and satisfy you, He is ALL you need.” I spent a good amount of time thinking ‘if this is what I truly believe, do I live like that?’ the answer is no. That was a hard reality to meet, it was definitely a turning point. I know that Christ is the only thing that can fill me, and that He can transform an mold my life in MUCH greater ways that I could ever imagine or attempt to create for myself. I am blessed with so much: amazing friends, the ability to go to school, really every moment I am showered with countless blessings (we all are) but we don’t NEED any of it. The moment we start living as if we are the ones in control of our lives or that anything we have in our lives is more important than God, that’s the moment we stop trusting God. That hits hard too: how often do our thoughts and actions revolve around ourselves, how often do we surrender ourselves and our blessings to God and say “God it’s all yours- use it as you please” I know it’s been pretty rare in my life.
In Togo I started reading a book called “The Pursuit of God” by A.W. Tozer and it talks a little bit about this:
“We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really save which is not so committed.”
I need to let go of everything I cling to, no matter how difficult it is and cling to Christ with EVERYTHING. When my life is committed to Him what could be better?
At the beginning of this week I wrote out a few questions to ask myself on a daily (well, continual) basis:
1. Who am I living for right at this moment, who am I glorifying: God or myself?
2. Have I surrendered this to God? Am I trusting Him with it- or trying to deal with it on my own?
My deepest desire is to grow deeper in relationship with God and live fully surrendered to Him. I really hope that as life starts to pick up that I’ll remember that this life is not about me, that I am blessed beyond imagination, and that the Creator of the universe loves me and hold my every moment in the palm of His hand. Christ is all that I need, all that any of us need.
May 19, 2010
Identity and Reliance
Well, it's summertime! I feel like the weeks leading up to summer are so full of anticipation for free time to relax and now that summer's actually here I'm ready to actually be back at school haha. If anything these past two weeks have been a great time of relaxing and reflecting on this year. This year was probably one of the most stressful years, not really academically but spiritually, and emotionally. Looking back I see how God was using each event to mold me. When I look back on my journals and emails with friends from the semester I notice some funny themes, I started the year of questioning what it means to have identity in Christ and what Christ calls me, and asking God to teach me to fully rely on Him. Well for part of the semester I went through the book of Ephesians and wrote down everything that God calls us and everything He says about Himself. After finishing the study I felt like I knew a little bit more of who God calls me to be and how I am viewed by Christ and moved on to a different study. Well at the end of the semester I found the topic of identity coming up again, in almost every sermon, many conversations and through what I was reading in scripture funny huh? This time the focus revolved around the passage in John 15 about the vine and the branches.
'"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." John 15:1-6
Verse 5 stands out to me the most... apart from Christ we can do NOTHING. We need to be rooted in Him and in Him alone. Our reliance needs to me on Christ and TRUSTING that He knows what He is doing with our lives, we need Him and His guidance in order to bear fruit.
"Unless the Lord builds the house its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1a
I need to surrender everything wholeheartedly to Him and be rooted in Him as my source, my builder, for everything I do, say, think, and where my attitude is rooted.
When our identity strays away from Christ, I think a lot of our sin sprouts. For example, if our identity is in a relationship our focus on God strays and we start to try to please that person whether it’s through actions or words. When God is our strength and our source, He truly is EVERYTHING we need. I often find myself praying for God to do certain things, with all of hope that He’ll do it MY way. God is all powerful and knows everything, so who am I to tell Him what to do, as if I know what’s best for me. “I am the vine and you are the branches, if a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do NOTHING.” Without Christ in all we do our efforts are fruitless. If not for Him what are we working for?
I've been learning even more about reliance in preparing for Africa this summer. Going on this trip is such a leap of faith for me. I'm the type of person who likes to know 'the plan' and know what is coming up and be organized and ready. I also like to be in almost constant contact with those who are closest to me. I start to feel really insecure when I don't have control or when communication from those I love and am in a new environment. Don't get me wrong, I love camping and being able to just shut my phone off and be away from computers and technology for a few days, but I like to be the one to decide when it is okay for those things to come back in my life haha.
Well in just a few weeks I'll be surrendering my planning, my communication, and leaving everything and everyone that is familiar to me for six weeks. It's been amazing to see how God has been preparing me this year for this and how my finances and everything has been falling together. I can't begin to explain how freeing and cool it has been to just trust that the money will come in and to see how it HAS been coming in. God definitely has been working in my heart and mind to prepare me for what is coming. I don't know much about this trip, I know some of the possibilities and have talked with some of the people going through email a little bit and normally I feel like I would be freaking out in fear of the unknown, but God has given me this peace. Trusting He's got it all under control and knows what is best for me is all I can do right now. God is good!
"You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages]." Isaiah 26:3-4 (amplified version)
'"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." John 15:1-6
Verse 5 stands out to me the most... apart from Christ we can do NOTHING. We need to be rooted in Him and in Him alone. Our reliance needs to me on Christ and TRUSTING that He knows what He is doing with our lives, we need Him and His guidance in order to bear fruit.
"Unless the Lord builds the house its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1a
I need to surrender everything wholeheartedly to Him and be rooted in Him as my source, my builder, for everything I do, say, think, and where my attitude is rooted.
When our identity strays away from Christ, I think a lot of our sin sprouts. For example, if our identity is in a relationship our focus on God strays and we start to try to please that person whether it’s through actions or words. When God is our strength and our source, He truly is EVERYTHING we need. I often find myself praying for God to do certain things, with all of hope that He’ll do it MY way. God is all powerful and knows everything, so who am I to tell Him what to do, as if I know what’s best for me. “I am the vine and you are the branches, if a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do NOTHING.” Without Christ in all we do our efforts are fruitless. If not for Him what are we working for?
I've been learning even more about reliance in preparing for Africa this summer. Going on this trip is such a leap of faith for me. I'm the type of person who likes to know 'the plan' and know what is coming up and be organized and ready. I also like to be in almost constant contact with those who are closest to me. I start to feel really insecure when I don't have control or when communication from those I love and am in a new environment. Don't get me wrong, I love camping and being able to just shut my phone off and be away from computers and technology for a few days, but I like to be the one to decide when it is okay for those things to come back in my life haha.
Well in just a few weeks I'll be surrendering my planning, my communication, and leaving everything and everyone that is familiar to me for six weeks. It's been amazing to see how God has been preparing me this year for this and how my finances and everything has been falling together. I can't begin to explain how freeing and cool it has been to just trust that the money will come in and to see how it HAS been coming in. God definitely has been working in my heart and mind to prepare me for what is coming. I don't know much about this trip, I know some of the possibilities and have talked with some of the people going through email a little bit and normally I feel like I would be freaking out in fear of the unknown, but God has given me this peace. Trusting He's got it all under control and knows what is best for me is all I can do right now. God is good!
"You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages]." Isaiah 26:3-4 (amplified version)
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