Teaching

I have wanted to be a teacher for...forever. In first grade and all through elementary school I would beg to stay in at recess and 'help' the teacher (I know, I was pretty cool right!?). After school I would retreat to my own 'classroom' in the basement and teach my sister and any one else from the neighborhood who would come over everything I had learned so far. I have a teacher's heart. Teaching has been a desire God has placed on my heart from a very young age.

Now that I am actually teaching real children in a real school I have been reflecting a lot about why I want to be a teacher. What aspects of my teaching am I trying to rely on myself too much for and have been noticing how much letting go and giving God the control I need to do- in every area of my life, including teaching. There have been some hard days and some difficult realizations that I've learned about myself. Through it all though, I really feel like this is something God has gifted me with, my abilities to teach are not my own and they are to be used wisely.

I've learned quite a bit about children as well, in particular third graders. Each day I learn something new about my students, I have learned that home, no matter how wonderful or saddening it is, affects every child- it molds them and shapes them in every aspect of who they are. I have students who come from loving homes and students who are the ones at home cooking, cleaning, and putting the younger ones to bed. I have students who are shuffled back and forth between homes so much that they don't even know where their home is. There are days when I come home with my heart broken and aching for the children in my classroom, and all around the world. There have been days when I have cried out to God asking Him why some children's parents just don't care. What I've learned through student teaching is that my deepest desire for them is not that they would be able to be proficient in math and reading, but for them to know Christ.

I want all of them to know that they are loved, they were created by the King, that they are not alone. He sees them when they're hurt, when they're alone, when they just want to be kids, he sees them when they do well in school, when they score a soccer goal and when they are happy. I want them to know that Christ died for them, that He wants a relationship with them and that He wants to redeem them. I want them to know that this world is not where we belong, that although academics are important, Christ is of the utmost importance, nothing is greater. I long for them to know him, to desire relationship with Him, yearn for Him and seek Him. I pray that they would see Him through me, even though I can't speak His name I want Him to use me for His purposes, to reach children for His kingdom.

I have 8 more weeks with these kids, 8 more weeks to make an impact on them. I don't want to waste them by counting down to graduation. God has given me these 90 students for 16 weeks for a reason, and I do not want to take it lightly. Too often I focus on what is ahead and I miss what is in front of me, I think we all do that.

At camp this summer there was a boy who, whenever his group was in the pavilion I worked in, would come to me and ask for a bible to read. He would sit at a table each day and read through the book of Psalms. He would sit alone and just read. It was clear he was so in love with the word. The last week of camp I asked him if he had a bible of his own- he told me that he didn't so I offered to try to find one for him. On the last day of camp I went to find him to give him a bible the camp had given me for him and he wasn't there- his last day of camp was the previous day. I decided to mail him the bible with a little note saying how encouraging it was for me to see him falling in love with the word, that I was sorry that I didn't get the bible to him before he left, and encouraged him to keep reading and soaking in the word. It was mailed to him and honestly, I completely forgot about it until earlier this week when I received an envelope from camp. In the envelope was a thank you card with the handwriting of a ten year old boy saying:

"Dear Christin, Thank you so much for the bible I really appreciate it. I try to read it every day. I hope I get to see you this summer."

That simple note, made my week. God used that simple action to make a difference. I may not be able to give my students each a bible, but I can show them that I care, I can allow Him to shine through my words, through my actions and through my responses to behavior and all of the random stories I hear each day. I want Him to use me however He chooses, I want Him to take over my actions and my words and live through me.

I feel everything I hear about finding a teaching job in this area makes it sound nearly impossible. When I think about it though, God does not give us gifts and abilities to be wasted. He has reason for our training, for our desires- I don't think He would place those desires and longings in our hearts for them not to be used. My teaching career may not look like how I've always picture it to look. My abilities might not even be used in a school setting, or they might. I may not get my dream teaching job in a year, or ever, but I believe God will give me opportunities to use the gifts He has given me with for His purposes, to make an impact for His kingdom and bring Him glory.

Sorry if that was a bit of ramble, but that's my heart this week!

Lesson Learned.

My lesson of the day: I need my time with God much more than I need an extra 10 or 15 minutes of sleep.

Faithfulness

Happy Fourth of July!

Today most of America is firing up the grills, heading to parades and getting their blankets ready for dusk to catch lightning bugs and watch the fireworks. I'm not entirely sure what I will get into today, I have a few things I'd like to do but honestly if all I did was watch the fireworks from the top of my street that would be okay with me :). Here's what I did last July 4th, not sure that picture will leave my head today.

If I could sum up what God's been teaching me these past few weeks in one phrase it would be that He is faithful. I've been reading through some of the old testament stories: Hosea, Joel, and I'm part-way through Amos and it's been amazing to see how through all the books God is using whatever situations His people are in to draw them back to Him. Most of the situations that his people are in are one's that they have brought upon themselves by living selfishly and desiring to live as if from this world. He doesn't like how they are acting and how their hearts are so against Him, but He never ever leaves them and continues to desire to have their whole hearts and lives. The same goes for us too. No matter what situations we have going in our lives at any given moment God is faithful through them and is working in and through it all- that's pretty incredible stuff! He is faithful.

This past week I started reading through a book called "This Momentary Marriage" by John Piper. It's a book about the biblical vision and purpose of marriage, so far it's really opened my eyes a lot to how vastly different the world's view of marriage is from God's original purpose for it. So far in the book Piper has made two points the build the foundation of what a biblical view of marriage is: It is God's design, and it is for God's glory- it is a display of His glory. It is a picture of how we as a believing body are the bride to Jesus, our bridegroom.
We are sinful, self-centered people yet God sent his sin-less son to die so we could spend eternity with Him. God sacrificed something so dear to Him for us because He was willing to do whatever it took to have us as His children.

"Christ will never leave his wife. Ever. There may be times of painful distance and tragic backsliding on our part. But Christ keeps his covenant forever. Marriage is a display of that! That is the ultimate thing we can say about it. It puts the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love on display." - John Piper

Marriage is to put His covenant-keeping faithful love on display. He is faithful.

In church, the pastor has been going through the book of Judges. Today we went through chapters 8-9 which talked about Abimelech and Gideon- the main point of the message was that our choices have consequences but God does not just sit and watch us bring our lives to shambles from our selfish living- but continues to draw us near to Him, to call us to turn to Him. He is faithful.

Yesterday afternoon I went to visit family in New Jersey with my parents. On the car ride over I had quite a bit of time to think. I thought about how faithful God has been in my life and how he has turned every situation for His good. I thought about how he perfectly pieced things together when I was very young to lead my parents to send me to a daycare run by a church, which we eventually ended up attending. It was where I learned about Christ, and without it who knows what my life would be like today and if I would even know His truth.I think about high school and college and the situations I've been in- they haven't all been easy and most certainly I would not want to repeat many of them but God used them for His glory, he never left and he turned it all for His purposes and there is no regrets in Him. When I look back on my life I see God's hand. I see how He has been faithful, he has known what He's doing and it's all worked out for His good. Thinking through the lives of the people closest to me, I see it too. He is faithful.

It's so amazing to think about how different life would be if even one thing would have been different, if one piece was missing. I'm so grateful for all that God has done in my life for every experience and for how He's molding me to be more like Him. We serve a mighty God and words can't express all He is and all He's done and is doing.

Know today that God's hand is faithfully working in your life for His good. Each experience is just a brushstroke in the magnificent painting He's making out of our lives, and whole painting just a small paint splatter in His GRAND masterpiece.

A Tuesday Rambling

Hey hey! So I was just wanting to write a little about life today.

1. I have become a baking fiend. I used to enjoy baking but not to this extent, this summer I've tried a few things and there is no end in sight!

Blueberry brown sugar cookies!

Last night since my family was away and I was up for some serious cooking experimentation I invited my best friend Kari over for a 'friendship appreciation dinner.' I made Parmesan crusted chicken, grilled vegetables and some grilled flavored corn on the cob. We topped it all off with some Ben and Jerry's Ice cream.

I just don't know what it is about this summer but lately I've become so interested in cooking & crafts I can't quite stand it! There are just so many things I want to try out! So if you enjoy free samples and/or are near me often beware: there may be baked goods coming your way!

2. This week at camp is the 4th of July parade. Each group comes up with a costume theme and then come to arts and crafts to bring it to life! I'm excited to see how it all turns out!

3. Last week the campers were learning about Hosea, after having a conversation with the bible teacher about it I realized I didn't know the story of Hosea at all (to be completely honest, I was always under the impression that the name Hosea sounded like a girl so I just assumed that Hosea was a girl- I know, insane). So I decided that I was going to read it- I was astounded by the story. Hosea is such an example of following the Lord's call despite trials,it's a story about God's redemption for all. I could not stop reading it. First of all Hosea was asked by God to marry a prostitute and Hosea did it. Then God gave them names for all their children with meanings like: not loved, not my people, and one was named after a massacre. These things (marrying a prostitute, the names of their children) were all so that God could use them to better share a message with the Israelite. Many of the messages Hosea shared with the people of Israel were based around their adulterous, stubborn hearts toward the Lord. God expresses His desire through the messages for His people to seek Him wholly, to turn away from the things that distract their hearts from Him and to earnestly yearn after Him. It spoke of how destructive idolization really is, no matter what you are idolizing, in Chapter 13 verse 9 God says through Hosea that when we live for the world and seeking the things of the world we are working against God. The book of Hosea really made me think about what I myself seek other than the Lord and what our society seeks in place of the Lord. If you haven't read it- do it. It's good stuff.

4. Really missing Togo and my team from last summer. I'm still working on reading through my journal from last summer and the stories almost always make me tear up- I miss it. I hope that someday God takes me back to Togo, but if not they will forever be in my heart and a part of my daily life. I know I've said it before about a billion times but Togo taught me so much and is still teaching me things. I'm so grateful for that opportunity and can't believe it's been a year already.

5. Last but not least, I came across this verse sometime last week and it's been on my mind ever since and so I am going to share it with you all:

"Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." 2 Corinthians 3:5

Warm Weather & Reminders

Today was beautiful. After a weekend of cold and rain today was beyond amazing. When I got home from Pre-K I decided to head to a park in town to read and journal (one of my favorite things to do on a beautiful day)! While there I got a call from one of my teammates from this past summer that I've been trying to get in contact with for a few weeks. It really made me miss the team, and reminded me of so much that happened this summer. It reminded me also that for as close as our team is, and for how rarely we talk now- we experienced something so unique this summer. We are a family, spread apart by many miles, each of us living very different lives but- we are unified in Christ. Whenever a phone call is made conversation picks up where it left off. I miss them very much tonight. We laughed on the phone reminiscing of the funny things that happened, and talked about some of the things that went unknown to us until we were back in the states. Then she said something a little more serious like "You know...I wish while we were there we wouldn't have complained as much as we did, I wish that we would have just looked at what was going on around us and took it in without hoping for anything more."

How true is that for everyday? We spend so much time hoping for the next thing. In Africa it was things like a shower, dreaming about what we would eat first when we got home, being excited to see our family and friends when we got home. I am not saying at all that in the moment I wasn't grateful for the experiences, because I really was, but I could have been more present in the moment. I think we all could be a little more present in the seasons we are currently in, in the moments that pass us by each day.

In church yesterday the pastor talked a little bit about how each day we spend a significant amount of time looking down on ourselves, or thinking that we're not getting what we deserve (there is a difference between humility and thinking poorly of ourselves). He talked about how these things can become idols, I had never really thought about it that way. When we complain about things and act as if we are entitled to something it kind of is like telling God that what He has for us isn't enough, like saying that we know better.

So this week I'm hoping to live with this new perspective. To be thankful and focused on who Christ is and all He's done. To not dwell on the things that aren't or on my desires but on what is.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3

Frozen in Time

Lately I've been stuck in this weird season where I feel frozen in time.

Last week there was an incredibly beautiful warm day and my roommates and I went for a long walk before dinner. It was beautiful and strange at the same time. We haven't done anything like that in a long time.

The three of us met first semester our freshman year and have been nearly inseparable at school ever since. Much has changed in our friendships over the past few years, but we've always had each other. We went from being homesick freshman looking for a way to feel 'settled' at school to roommates all living together looking forward to the next phase in our lives. We've seen each other at our weakest moments and struggled through difficult things and happy things together.

In less than two months I'll watch them walk across the stage to receive their diplomas and officially move into 'adulthood' while I watch from the sidelines. As we walked last week, we reflected on the past four years, talked about internships, wedding plans, and our dreams of life beyond college. I feel like I'm stuck in place, my friends who I started this journey with are moving onto their next journey while I'm still on this one. My friends who got engaged in the past few months will get married this summer and I'll still be planning. My sister and I had always talked about how we would be graduating the same spring and could plan a combined graduation party but that won't happen. She'll be starting college in the fall as I finish out my last semester. My best friend is graduating and making the decision of where to live next year and what to do next. Ethan is working in a real 'grown-up' job, and looking to move out. And I'll still be here. I know with all my heart that this is where God has placed me and that His sovereign hand is at work, but this week, in this instant I'm hoping for something beyond college life, to be preparing to find a real job, a place to live in another town, to get married, and be an adult, but for now this is where God has me. I'm excited to see what He is going to do in my friend's lives and in my own in the next year- so much will change and I know that. For once I'm looking forward to change, I'm ready for it (and if you know me you know typically I strongly dislike change), but that's not where God has me right now and I need to rejoice in the place He has me.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

In a few weeks when I watch my friends walk across the platform and into the next phase of their lives it will be bittersweet. We'll need to say goodbye for now and step into the unknown of what exactly will be next for them. I'll miss them next year, but I know that God is at work in their lives as well, in their own journeys and we'll see each other again.

It's time to reflect on the past, rejoice in today, and move on into tomorrow.

Even though it feels as if my 'life is on hold for the moment, it's still moving and changing each day. Every moment is different than the millions before it and each of those moments is an opportunity to bring glory to God.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

Finding Joy

Hello!

So I feel like not too much has changed since I posted last but I still feel like it's time for an update. A week ago I started interning at my preschool placement. Each time I go, I get up before the sun and head about a half hour away to ride the bus to pick up all of the children to go to school. For my first day I was super excited, not completely because I was finally starting my placement, but more so because I was going to be able to ride the bus on the way to A SCHOOL. I know this sounds completely ridiculous but, being someone who was categorized as a 'walker' from kindergarten up through high school, riding a school bus is still an exciting thing...at 21. My first day went smoothly, I spent most of it playing with the kids and getting a feel for their particular classroom. The assistants in the room had me do a little bit of sweeping and cleaning up around the room, but over all I enjoyed it. On the bus ride home the kids started asking the driver if she could play the radio for them, after a few children asked for the radio so she turned it on- and to my surprise they knew the majority of the words to each of the songs that came on, and undoubtedly at least one child on the bus knew who the singer was and the correct title for the song. This shocked me- something is not right in our world when a child can't tell you all of the letters in their name or read yet, but can sing every word to a Lady Gaga, or Justin Beiber song on the radio. It made me sad to think about how much these children DO know at such a young age, and how much they don't know at the same time.

I've gone back a few more times and progressively my time has been spent being asked to do things like clean the toilets, or sterilize the silverware and less and less time actually interacting with children. Another girl from my class and I decided that it was time to talk to our professor about this and see if these types of things are what we're supposed to be doing or not. Our professor is going to have a talk with the director of our school.

This got me thinking though about how I did the things that were asked of me, but my heart was so negative about it. In fact I've noticed how begrudgingly I have completed most everything the past few weeks. Although I enjoy my classes, I feel as if I'm not really getting anything out of them, my roommates aren't around much at all so I spend a lot of time alone, and it's cold out. I've just become quite the complainer. It's time for this to change. I need to start recognizing the blessings and being thankful for what God's doing in my life right now instead of waiting and hoping this will all be over soon. He has a reason for the quiet of my apartment, for the loneliness I feel, for me being in that school, for the classes I'm in and for me graduating a semester late. Although, it may seem easier to just 'do what I have to do' and complain about it- how much better would life be if I just looked at the blessings that God pours on me each day. I may not know why life is like this right now, but He has a purpose for it and instead of moping around and complaining about it- maybe I should take that time to thank Him and seek His purpose in all of it.

His thoughts and plans are bigger than I could imagine, my life does not belong to me- it is hidden in Him. I have nothing to complain about.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

So with all that being said (sorry for the depressing tone of all of the above :)) I will now make a list of some of the blessings God has given me.

- I am able to go to college, to take classes, and work with children
- I don't have to worry where my next meal is coming from
- My apartment has heat (and we don't have to pay for it)
- I have a family and although sometimes they show it it strange ways, they love me
- Jesus died to save ME, that's the biggest blessing of them all
- The sun is out today, and it's kind of spring-like
- I have some amazing friends, who I know are there for me- even when I can't see them
- I have a wonderful fiance who listens to my complaining and encourages me
- I am able to plan a wedding
- I have my own room and a significant amount of 'free time'
- I made a dessert on Friday afternoon, and it turned out much better than I expected it to
- I have a car, with gas in it
- I was able to go to Africa this summer on a missions trip and was taught so SO much

There are a lot more, I'm sure of it. This week I'm going to take time to note the blessings and not the complaints- after all, what do I really have to complain about anyway???

Have a great week!

"Discontent will destroy your peace, rob you of joy, make you miserable and spoil your witness. We dishonor God if we proclaim a God who satisfies and then go around discontent." J.I. Packer

Being Transformed and Refined

So here I am, back at school. It's strange coming back to a quiet (for the most part) apartment building after being at home for a month. I really like living at school but to be honest, sometimes I miss the constant noise and the blessing of not having to figure out what I'm doing for dinner :). Break was great, I got to spend a lot of time with my friend Kari who I didn't get to talk to much throughout the fall semester, I got to go on a camping trip with Ethan's family for a few days and got to know them all a little better, did some wedding planning- even got a dress, and of COURSE I got to spent time celebrating Christmas and hanging out with my family.

Classes have started and so far my schedule is extremely free, a HUGE change from last semester and I know that in the future having this much free time will be greatly missed- it's a blessing and I need to be soaking it in while it's here. I've been loving my classes so far- there's just something about my early childhood classes that is so interesting to me, little ones hold such a big place in my heart! Next week I'm hoping to start my Preschool placement. I'm thrilled that I got my first choice in schools and I'm so excited get in there and start working!

Since being back at school I've had a lot of time alone in the quiet,and a significant amount of time to reflect and spend time in the Word. When I'm home on breaks I always tend to struggle in finding distraction-less time (and quiet) to just be in the Word (believe me I *know* the time exists when I'm home I just never seem to use that time wisely) so this week has been so SO wonderful.

Sunday nights I am a part of a small bible study group the group was smaller than usual this week, but I'm so glad I went. Earlier in the week I had begun reflecting on the verse Romans 12:2
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will."

During the week I really spent time thinking about what it means to be transformed and renewed by Christ and how that transformation helps us decipher what God's will is. At bible study, the leader brought up Romans 12:2 in discussion. He talked about how this verse isn't saying that the changes of being different from this world aren't by our own power and conscious effort but stem from seeking God and letting Him consume and transform our lives from the inside out, it's His power at work within us doing the changing. What really stuck out to me was when the leader began to share that the word "approve" in this verse in Greek is actually a metal working term. When I got back I looked it up and found that it means "to test, examine, prove, scrutinize (to see whether a thing is genuine or not), as metals." Isn't that interesting? In 1 Peter it says that the tests and trials that we go through are refining our faith to prove its genuine-ness and this verse is referring to a similar concept. God is renewing, transforming, and refining us into the people He's created us to be in order to glorify Himself.

Church on Sunday morning also ran with a similar theme...kind of. The message really wasn't anything that I hadn't heard before but sometimes the truths that we hear often are the ones we *need* to be hearing over and over and over. The pastor spoke about how our relationship with Christ is what our life is an outpouring of. For example, the more we are attempting to being filled with the things of this world, the more we will reflect what we are filling ourselves with. When we are inwardly seeking God, desiring Him and spending time in the Word, He begins to transform us from the inside out. The pastor used the example of a 'cracked pot'. He said that when you put a light under a clay pot it's impossible to see the light beneath it, but when the clay is slowly chipped away the light begins to shine through. The message really made me start to think more deeply about the situations that I let harden my heart and distract me from my relationship with Christ. There are places in my heart where the feelings of being wronged and betrayed have taken deep root and where healing and transforming *needs* to be done. They are obstacles in my path to holiness I'm praying and seeking God for His help in clearing them away.

I'll end with this verse:
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

Humility

Hello :)

So the semester is trucking along (and by trucking I mean as busily and slowly as possible) but this morning while I was walking to class I was thinking, a few days short of a month from now the vast majority of my assignments will be turned in! How freeing is that? So right now I may feel so weighted down but in a little bit these checklists will be crossed off and it will be time for relaxing. I also got to thinking about things in the past that seemed like they would never get done but yet they all did, I made it through them and I know for sure I'll make it through this.

I guess I'll update a little on what's been going on. I'm two weeks into my part-time part of my placement, I'm in Kindergarten at a little rural school over the mountain andddd loving it. I really have been learning a lot and taking time to think about what I would do differently and how best to help these kids grasp the concepts. Last weekend on my drive home for fall break all I could think about were the students and how I could help them each individually, it actually fills my thoughts pretty often and has become a part of my prayer life- I'm enjoying it. Funny how I've only been with those little buddies a few days and I already feel like I know so much about them and want to see them succeed.

A few friends and I have started getting together on Wednesday nights to study the book of James and spend time in prayer with one another. So far it's been going great, we come and just share what God taught us through the passage (or in life in general) and ask each other questions to get us thinking deeper. They're such great girls!

This week we were studying James 4 and it really hit home for me. It starts off by talking about how all of our arguments and disputes stem from inside of us, that it is basically us throwing a tantrum because we're not getting our way. Earlier this week I was eating lunch with a friend and we started talking about tantrums and how no matter how old we get, we still "throw a fit" (either inwardly or outwardly) when our little lives aren't going the way that we want.

James goes on in verses 2 and 3 to say "you do not have, because you do not ask God," and that when we do ask, we ask "with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." We make it all about us.

Humility- it's not about me, so why the heck do I keep acting like it is. I want my little corner of the world to keep spinning at the exact speed, temperature, and direction that I want it to with no regard to God- it's sickening. It got me thinking about how much God taught me this summer about relying on Him solely and how far from that place I was in this summer I feel now that my work load has increased. My relationship with God should not depend on how busy I am, or anything else- those are distractions. In verse 4 it says:

"You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God."

Woah- Anyone who is a friend of the world is an enemy of God. So often, God works on this area of my life, these past few months He's been revealing how much of a 'people pleaser' I am. I try so hard to make other people happy, to 'not step on anyone's toes' and throw so much of my emotions and heart into making sure that I'm doing what everyone else wants (regardless of whether they know it or not, and I read into things in order to try and see what they want). God's really been working on that portion of my heart and mind for awhile, and here it is again in the word.

When I read the verse at first I was kind of confused as to why they used the term 'adulterous', I started trying to figure it out by looking in the reference part of my bible and it sent me to Isaiah 54:5, which makes it so much clearer.

"For your maker is your husband- the Lord Almighty is His name- the Holy one of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth."

We are His bride, and so when we turn to anything else to be fulfilled or give in to distractions from Him we are being adulterous.

Later in chapter 4 of James it says:

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (verses 7-8)

"Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up." (verse 10)

It's all about humility, it's about laying down all that you cling to and surrendering it to God. It's about stepping of the thrones of control and worry in our hearts and minds and letting the King of the universe take over.

In greek the word humility translates to a word that means: "humbleness of mind, humility of mind, lowliness, lowliness of mind"

It's of the mind. Humility is about letting go of all that we let control our thoughts and letting His grace, mercy, and love wash over us, giving Him full authority in every aspect of our lives. He knows best and He is all that we need.

Our lives are "a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes..." (James 4:14) so what am I living for, my worries, struggles and plans are so brief in comparison to my life, in comparison to eternity they are nothing. "Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up."

Looking Back and Moving Forward

So it's nearing the end of my second week of school. I'm all settled into my room and getting used to being back.I'm working at remembering and living out the lessons God taught me this summer by trying to let go and surrender each day to Christ.
Today I have for the most part free, so I decided to sit down and read through my journal from Togo (or at least some of it, it's pretty long!) I found an entry from the third week where I listed all of the lessons I had learned so far on the journey, this is it :)

"Lessons learned from Togo

Though I've only been here for a few short weeks I've already learned so much that I don't want to ever forget.
I've learned how blessed I truly am, I grew up in a place where material things are taken for granted, and so easily I'm blinded and forget how much I'm blessed each day. I've seen how truly lucky I am.

I've seen how faithful God is and learned the power of prayer. I've learned the importance of abiding in God ALONE.

I've seen how much control and how many distractions Satan uses to draw me away from God. I've learned that if I just spend the time I set apart for God for HIS glory, and really dig deep, how much He has to reveal to me. I've learned that abiding and trusting God with everything means fully surrendering without fear or doubt.

I've learned how little I know and how much I need to learn.

I've seen firsthand how God can use anything He wants, even the color of my skin to reveal His glory. I've realized how often I limit God's power in my mind and I know that He is capable of much more than i can imagine and does things in HIS timing HIS way. I've learned how sweet and good His timing and and His way really are.

I've seen poverty and lifestyles I hardly believed existed or had only read about it books or seen on t.v. I've seen how much joy that believers living in those hard situations have and how they realize that this life isn't about them or their wants or needs, but God is good despite the circumstances and His joy lasts.

I've seen how much sin reigns over peoples lives and how much we are in need of a Savior. I've learned how strong Satan is, but how much STRONGER God is. I've learned that PERFECT LOVE casts out ALL fear.

I've learned that when you turn all your worries and anxieties over to Christ FULLY and lay them at the cross He will supply all you need and FILL you with a peace and joy beyond any we have tried to build for ourselves or find here on this earth. And indescribable peace and joy that can only come from Christ.

I've learned that God is Sovereign and His ways and His purposes are higher than any of mine could ever be (by far.)

I've learned that even though at times I may feel worthless, useless or incomplete ONLY HE can fill me and satisfy all of my desires. God knows what I need. He is all I need.

I've seen the beauty of God's creation through His people, His scenery, in children's laughs and in the night sky. I've grown deeper in relationship with my Father in heaven and realize how far I have to go. It's come to my attention how frequently I've put my relationship with Christ on the sidelines of my life and how much I desire for Him to be my first priority in ALL areas of my life.

I've seen how powerful the gospel is and how through its simplicity and freedom people can be transformed. God is molding each of His children, God is transforming me, into His image.

I've realized that the bible is FULL of truth. Every single piece, every word, every promise. The creator of the WHOLE world loves me, takes care of me, provides all I need and I take it so lightly. I have no reason to be afraid or worried: the God who made the stars, the universe and everything in it is in control of my life.

I've learned more about God's gift of the Holy Spirt and how much His gift of grace and freedom from sin really is worth.

I've learned that although overseas missions isn't something I feel called to right now, His ministry is something that we as believers are called to each day, wherever we are in whatever we are doing. All we do should be done for His glory alone.

I've learned that although I often get nervous or afraid, unless I step out in faith and do what I'm afraid of and let go of my fears, those fears will never subside. Perfect love, only Christ's love, casts out fear.

I've seen how easy most American's have it materialistically and how entitled we think we are to having that ease. I've learned how worthless everything on this Earth is in comparison to Christ. I've learned to appreciate what I've been given more.

I've learned that each moment is its own and should be treated for what it is: a fleeting gift.

I've been reminded that my life is not my own, that the only purpose worth living for is God's.

I've seen, played with, and held some of the 'unloved' and 'unwanted' of this world and learned how much God's love alone is all that can satisfy. He is all they need, and He is all I need. As believers we are all called children of God.

I've learned that when you 'lose your life' for Christ that is when you find it.

I am hidden with Christ in God and He is all I need. All else can fade away, all I need is Jesus.

I've seen how much I struggle with pride, selfishness, patience, compassion, kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness (just to name a few) and know that only with the help of the Holy Spirit can any of that change.

I've been reminded of how unworthy I am of God's gift and how much I don't deserve His love and grace and how my life should be lived as a life of praise and thankfulness to the King.

I have been entrusted (1 Timothy 1:14) with the gift of the gospel, I am an heir to His inheritance and have access to the kingdom. I need to live a life worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27) and of the calling. I need to pour the fragrance of Christ wherever I am, during whatever I'm doing (2 Corinthians 2:14-15).

I want to daily live in His presence, soaking in as much of Him as I can and let it overflow to the world around me. I want Jesus to be the center and the source of my life."



"There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because, if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need to be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to and of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all he has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." - A.W. Tozer