Teaching

I have wanted to be a teacher for...forever. In first grade and all through elementary school I would beg to stay in at recess and 'help' the teacher (I know, I was pretty cool right!?). After school I would retreat to my own 'classroom' in the basement and teach my sister and any one else from the neighborhood who would come over everything I had learned so far. I have a teacher's heart. Teaching has been a desire God has placed on my heart from a very young age.

Now that I am actually teaching real children in a real school I have been reflecting a lot about why I want to be a teacher. What aspects of my teaching am I trying to rely on myself too much for and have been noticing how much letting go and giving God the control I need to do- in every area of my life, including teaching. There have been some hard days and some difficult realizations that I've learned about myself. Through it all though, I really feel like this is something God has gifted me with, my abilities to teach are not my own and they are to be used wisely.

I've learned quite a bit about children as well, in particular third graders. Each day I learn something new about my students, I have learned that home, no matter how wonderful or saddening it is, affects every child- it molds them and shapes them in every aspect of who they are. I have students who come from loving homes and students who are the ones at home cooking, cleaning, and putting the younger ones to bed. I have students who are shuffled back and forth between homes so much that they don't even know where their home is. There are days when I come home with my heart broken and aching for the children in my classroom, and all around the world. There have been days when I have cried out to God asking Him why some children's parents just don't care. What I've learned through student teaching is that my deepest desire for them is not that they would be able to be proficient in math and reading, but for them to know Christ.

I want all of them to know that they are loved, they were created by the King, that they are not alone. He sees them when they're hurt, when they're alone, when they just want to be kids, he sees them when they do well in school, when they score a soccer goal and when they are happy. I want them to know that Christ died for them, that He wants a relationship with them and that He wants to redeem them. I want them to know that this world is not where we belong, that although academics are important, Christ is of the utmost importance, nothing is greater. I long for them to know him, to desire relationship with Him, yearn for Him and seek Him. I pray that they would see Him through me, even though I can't speak His name I want Him to use me for His purposes, to reach children for His kingdom.

I have 8 more weeks with these kids, 8 more weeks to make an impact on them. I don't want to waste them by counting down to graduation. God has given me these 90 students for 16 weeks for a reason, and I do not want to take it lightly. Too often I focus on what is ahead and I miss what is in front of me, I think we all do that.

At camp this summer there was a boy who, whenever his group was in the pavilion I worked in, would come to me and ask for a bible to read. He would sit at a table each day and read through the book of Psalms. He would sit alone and just read. It was clear he was so in love with the word. The last week of camp I asked him if he had a bible of his own- he told me that he didn't so I offered to try to find one for him. On the last day of camp I went to find him to give him a bible the camp had given me for him and he wasn't there- his last day of camp was the previous day. I decided to mail him the bible with a little note saying how encouraging it was for me to see him falling in love with the word, that I was sorry that I didn't get the bible to him before he left, and encouraged him to keep reading and soaking in the word. It was mailed to him and honestly, I completely forgot about it until earlier this week when I received an envelope from camp. In the envelope was a thank you card with the handwriting of a ten year old boy saying:

"Dear Christin, Thank you so much for the bible I really appreciate it. I try to read it every day. I hope I get to see you this summer."

That simple note, made my week. God used that simple action to make a difference. I may not be able to give my students each a bible, but I can show them that I care, I can allow Him to shine through my words, through my actions and through my responses to behavior and all of the random stories I hear each day. I want Him to use me however He chooses, I want Him to take over my actions and my words and live through me.

I feel everything I hear about finding a teaching job in this area makes it sound nearly impossible. When I think about it though, God does not give us gifts and abilities to be wasted. He has reason for our training, for our desires- I don't think He would place those desires and longings in our hearts for them not to be used. My teaching career may not look like how I've always picture it to look. My abilities might not even be used in a school setting, or they might. I may not get my dream teaching job in a year, or ever, but I believe God will give me opportunities to use the gifts He has given me with for His purposes, to make an impact for His kingdom and bring Him glory.

Sorry if that was a bit of ramble, but that's my heart this week!

Seeking Him in ALL

As I've been reading through the old testament it has become completely clear that God's purpose through each situation is to draw us deeper into Him. I fully believe that God is working in each of our lives each day to mold us and shape us to be more like Him in order to bring Him glory. He is faithful through all and only when we are fully resting in Him will we be satisfied.

This past week at the beach I started reading a book called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman, it is one amazing book so far and I encourage you to read it. At various points in the book Mary stops and explains how she has seen God working through the difficult times to prepare them for what was to lay ahead, to bring them closer to Him. I have been beyond blessed to not have any extremely difficult times in my life thus far yea I've had times of sadness, loneliness, and hurt but I haven't had to endure sickness, loss or death in the way that many people have. It's so encouraging to me to hear other peoples stories and know that as they are walking through the darkness they still see Him, that they hear His call and are pushed closer into Him.

I found this story today and it, once again, shares about how God uses situations to draw us closer to Him. This is Aaron Shust explaining an amazing piece of His story.


I pray that no matter what situations I am faced with that I would press in to Christ deeper than before that I would trust Him no matter what, that I would rest in His arms and know that He is faithful. I pray that when all comes crashing down around those that I love that they would see this too and cling to Christ. I pray that when the lives of those around me shatter that He would give me to words to encourage them to press deeper into Him and know that He is sovereign and beyond good.

"Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream." - Larry Crabb

Spring Break and Fathers

It's spring break and I am home for the first time since the middle of January- it's crazy how these stretches seem to get longer and longer as the years go by! I don't have too much going on for this break, I'm the only one of my friends who is home this week, and my siblings are still in school so it's going to be another quiet week- but I'm not complaining!

The past few weeks at my preschool placement have been going well. Each day I am confronted with either a really happy story about a child at the placement, or a really saddening one but on most days a little of both :). The program I am working with is a government run preschool where most of the children come from low-income households. Some of these kids have experienced situations that I personally can not relate to and that make me so very sad. They know more about the evil in the world we live in than I would ever hope for my child, or really any child. At the same time they're still the silly, fun little kids you would expect in a preschool classroom. In the classroom they are free to be the children that they are and explore the world in a safe environment.

Each morning and afternoon that I go I ride the bus to pick each child up from their homes and buckle them into their seats. The bus rides so far has been the biggest learning experience that I have had at this placement. This is where I have the most one-on-one conversation time with the kids and where I have been able to get to know them as individuals, and at the ripe old age of four these little people have quite a few things to share about the world they live in!

Something that has really struck me is the way that these children view males. One day one of the boys father's came in to visit and read with the kids, it was so amazing to see how attentively they sat and listened and to see how much respect they had for anything that he did or said. I have learned that many of them don't have a father at home and so this interaction is really exciting for them. Another afternoon, on the bus run, we were dropping one child off and he saw that his dad was at the stop to pick him up, the bus driver told me to keep an eye on how the child reacted since this was the first time he had seen his father in a long time. The boy unbuckled his seatbelt so fast, ran to the bus doors and started pushing on the doors to run out and hug his dad.

Last weekend I was explaining some of this to a friend and his response was "and how much greater is our Heavenly Father." Such a brief and profound statement. The way that those kids looked up to that dad in the classroom, the excitement for the time they get to spend with their fathers should be similar to the love and excitement we have for the time we get to spend with our Heavenly Father. When I really think about coming home, honestly, the one person that I am usually the most excited to see is my dad. It's not that I'm not excited to see other people or for what ever is planned when I am home or that even that we're incredibly close with my dad in some way, but there's just something unique about my own father that is different than everyone else that my heart gets excited for.

...but back to what I was saying: nothing can compare to our Father in heaven, and so we should desire more than anything to spend as much time with Him every day as we possibly could- right?

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26

From the time we are born we are sinners, longing for something. As a part of our human nature we try to fill that emptiness with what we can find on this earth, but nothing on this earth can satisfy. All that can satisfy is the sacrificial love of our God. When we recognize that we are sinners and accept His sacrifice as the only atonement for our sins we are given purpose- to devote our lives to being His servant, loving and glorifying Him with each and every step we take. The time we spend with God isn't a sacrifice we make, it's a reward something our hearts should yearn for.

I don't know which, if any, of the kids that I'm working with have been told of the hope in Christ. I also know that as a teacher this is something that I'm going to face each year I have new class of students. For as much as I can teach my students academics, which will help them on this earth, eternally it means nothing. What they need is Christ, what we all need is Christ. As a teacher (or intern right now) what I can say legally is so limited, but there has to be a way.

Just writing out some thoughts...while I was thinking them, sorry it got so long!

Also... I wanted to share this song by Brooke Fraser. It's lyrics go pretty well with what I just shared above too- funny how that happens :)

Purpose, Plans, and Foundation

So I have far too much to do to actually sit down and write, but I wanted to share a tiny bit of what God's been putting on my heart through some of the verses that have been on my mind a lot lately.

"Unless the Lord builds the house,its builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." - Psalm 127:1

Unless the Lord is my motivation and my foundation, all of my efforts are in vain.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." Isaiah 55:8-12

* Our plans and thoughts are not concrete (we need to remember that), it is the Lord's purposes and plans that prevail and that matter. His plans are far greater than anything we could plan or think of ourselves.

* We need to find joy every day in Him, even in the mundane things and the things that don't seem 'good' to us. Our joy should not be dependent on the amount of work we get done, on whether or not we get to relax, or on anything that is circumstantial. Today is a fleeting moment, that will fade. Our Creator loves us, and we can be satisfied in nothing apart from Him. How awesome is it to be a citizen of His Kingdom and know that one day all of this will fade and we will be with Him forever!

"I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." -Romans 9:17