Sunshine

Yesterday was my birthday, for 22 years now I've been living on this earth. It's crazy to think that I'm getting that old...I know that I will never be any younger than I am today but I feel as if 22 is an age where you truly become a grown up. It's exciting, bittersweet, scary, and beautiful all at the same time.

It was a wonderful birthday full of friends, sunshine and love. I spend the majority of the day enjoying the sunshine on a hike with three of my closest friends here at Ship and laying on a beach of a lake not too far from school (the same place actually where Ethan and I got engaged a few months ago). They were calling for rain on Tuesday and miraculously it was warm and sunny all day! I loved it! We came back then and got ready for a dinner out- which was equally as good.

This past weekend I headed to Lancaster to hang out, celebrate my birthday with Ethan and (the real reason for being in Lancaster) to surprise my best friend Kari at her school's senior commissioning- and it was a success!

God has blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life, and I am not deserving of it in the least bit, but I'm so thankful for each and every person He's placed along my path :)

The past few days I've been thinking quite a bit how even though I'll be coming back in the fall I'm kind of closing the door or 'rounding' a corner in my college life, or I guess really with life in general. So many things are about to change: this summer I will be taking on a different role at the camp I've been working at the past few years and at the end of the summer, in the fall my sister will begin her first year of college and I'll be starting student teaching, beginning my job hunt and planning for my wedding. Today I completed my last final of my college career and my summer has begun. My roommates and best friend will be graduating this weekend and as everything shifts and changes I know that there is a constant. God is here, He always has been and He always will be. The same God who created the universe and holds it together is in control of my life even if the changes seem like madness He's got it.

A few days ago the director of the camp I work at emailed me the idea of being the camp's bible teacher this summer instead of taking on the role as the arts & crafts teacher. The idea scared me a little, the idea of leading chapel each week really, and so I spent a few days praying and trying to determine if this is what God had planned for me this summer. While trying to figure it out someone shared this passage with me:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:12-13

Verse 13 is a familiar verse to most, but this really got me thinking that no matter what obstacle stands in my path, if Christ is my anchor, the one whom my identity and fully reliance is in- nothing is impossible. After I responded to the camp director that I knew it would be a stretching experience but I was willing to try it out I got a text from my friend saying that someone she knows was really interested in the job. It's interesting how God does things, I had come to a decision that I was going to trust Him in it and knew that He would give me all I needed for that job then in the end I won't be doing it after all. It was a lesson that He's more interested in the molding and teaching than in the outcome. So, this summer I will be teaching arts and crafts at camp and she will be doing bible. I'm pretty excited and content in the fact that God will use each person at camp this summer, regardless of our job descriptions, to spread His name, show His love, and bring Him glory and I will continue to trust that He'll be more than enough for me in whatever I'll be doing. I. can't. wait.

Welp, I think that's enough for today. Hope this post finds you in the middle of a beautiful week whether it's rainy or sunny, happy or sad we have Christ and in that we can rejoice and that is truly beautiful!

Joy, Togo, and 2011

Last night I couldn't sleep. Have you ever had one of those nights where no matter how hard you try or how tired you are your mind just wants to keep going. Last night every time I closed my eyes my mind would fill with the people of Togo that I met this summer and the various experiences that I had throughout the summer. I realize that I've been suppressing this for some time. At the end of this semester I was asked by someone if I was going on another 'trip' this summer- this made me pretty angry. Last summer wasn't just a 'trip', it wasn't just about me either: God revealed so much to me about Himself and His creation and I was able to meet and see some of the hard injustices of this world yet see how good God is in it all. Last night as my mind was replaying the stories and memories of this summer what struck me was the joy that never seemed to leave the faces of the Togolese believers. No matter the situation I remember them laughing and smiling in their carefree way and I know it was because their assurance was in Christ. No matter how little they had or how hard things were, it really didn't matter because they had Christ and that's the greatest possession anyone could ever have.

Togo has a population of 6,752,000 with 56 different people groups. There are 54 languages and only 13 complete bible translations into these languages. Many people groups profess to be Christians but still practice witchcraft and live in daily fear, which means that they must not fully understand the hope in Christ. It struck me last night how much I have been failing at sharing all that I saw and what God is doing in the country of Togo. He is moving. The believers there need prayer, their lives are vastly different from our comfortable cushy lives here in the U.S. but they are our brothers and sisters in Christ. I don't know if I'll ever return to see my friends in Togo and join them again in sharing the gospel of Christ's hope throughout their country, but I still am on a mission with them. I can continue to pray for them, to support and encourage them in their continual battle. My missions trip this summer may have physically ended, but in my heart it will continue throughout the rest of my life. Who knows if God will ever call me to leave the United States again for His mission, but my life will be lived as His mission because my life is not mine to live it's His to use and glorify Himself through.

There is so much hope in the gospel, and so many people in this world who have yet to hear it. Christ is the greatest message we could ever share- so why don't we share it in abundance? I'm completely guilty of doing this, keeping what I believe to myself and rarely talking about the joy only Christ can give outside of my believing friends, but this year I hope to dig deep into God's word and proclaim His glory through all I do and say, not matter who I'm with. Recklessly abandoning my fears, my reputation, and turning away from my selfish heart.

The United States of America has a population of 313,630,000 people. There are 364 people groups and 71 unreached people groups. That hurts my heart so much when I read that, in churches we always talk about international missions, but what are we doing every day, what about the people in our classes and the people we pass everyday? As wonderful as overseas missions is, God is still moving here and we are called to be living for Him and sharing Him where ever we are. Whether He calls us to live in a far away unknown land, or in a development in the suburbs of Philadelphia we are His servants and we are entrusted with the message of His gospel and our mission shouldn't change.

1 Corinthians 4:1-2
"So then, men ought to regard us as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the secret things of God. Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful."

Am I proving faithful to the hope I have been entrusted to share? And am I putting aside my earthly desires and selfishness to live for Christ? Am I living recklessly abandoned to God's will? I guess that's my resolution for 2011

Purpose, Plans, and Foundation

So I have far too much to do to actually sit down and write, but I wanted to share a tiny bit of what God's been putting on my heart through some of the verses that have been on my mind a lot lately.

"Unless the Lord builds the house,its builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." - Psalm 127:1

Unless the Lord is my motivation and my foundation, all of my efforts are in vain.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." Isaiah 55:8-12

* Our plans and thoughts are not concrete (we need to remember that), it is the Lord's purposes and plans that prevail and that matter. His plans are far greater than anything we could plan or think of ourselves.

* We need to find joy every day in Him, even in the mundane things and the things that don't seem 'good' to us. Our joy should not be dependent on the amount of work we get done, on whether or not we get to relax, or on anything that is circumstantial. Today is a fleeting moment, that will fade. Our Creator loves us, and we can be satisfied in nothing apart from Him. How awesome is it to be a citizen of His Kingdom and know that one day all of this will fade and we will be with Him forever!

"I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." -Romans 9:17

Looking Back and Moving Forward

So it's nearing the end of my second week of school. I'm all settled into my room and getting used to being back.I'm working at remembering and living out the lessons God taught me this summer by trying to let go and surrender each day to Christ.
Today I have for the most part free, so I decided to sit down and read through my journal from Togo (or at least some of it, it's pretty long!) I found an entry from the third week where I listed all of the lessons I had learned so far on the journey, this is it :)

"Lessons learned from Togo

Though I've only been here for a few short weeks I've already learned so much that I don't want to ever forget.
I've learned how blessed I truly am, I grew up in a place where material things are taken for granted, and so easily I'm blinded and forget how much I'm blessed each day. I've seen how truly lucky I am.

I've seen how faithful God is and learned the power of prayer. I've learned the importance of abiding in God ALONE.

I've seen how much control and how many distractions Satan uses to draw me away from God. I've learned that if I just spend the time I set apart for God for HIS glory, and really dig deep, how much He has to reveal to me. I've learned that abiding and trusting God with everything means fully surrendering without fear or doubt.

I've learned how little I know and how much I need to learn.

I've seen firsthand how God can use anything He wants, even the color of my skin to reveal His glory. I've realized how often I limit God's power in my mind and I know that He is capable of much more than i can imagine and does things in HIS timing HIS way. I've learned how sweet and good His timing and and His way really are.

I've seen poverty and lifestyles I hardly believed existed or had only read about it books or seen on t.v. I've seen how much joy that believers living in those hard situations have and how they realize that this life isn't about them or their wants or needs, but God is good despite the circumstances and His joy lasts.

I've seen how much sin reigns over peoples lives and how much we are in need of a Savior. I've learned how strong Satan is, but how much STRONGER God is. I've learned that PERFECT LOVE casts out ALL fear.

I've learned that when you turn all your worries and anxieties over to Christ FULLY and lay them at the cross He will supply all you need and FILL you with a peace and joy beyond any we have tried to build for ourselves or find here on this earth. And indescribable peace and joy that can only come from Christ.

I've learned that God is Sovereign and His ways and His purposes are higher than any of mine could ever be (by far.)

I've learned that even though at times I may feel worthless, useless or incomplete ONLY HE can fill me and satisfy all of my desires. God knows what I need. He is all I need.

I've seen the beauty of God's creation through His people, His scenery, in children's laughs and in the night sky. I've grown deeper in relationship with my Father in heaven and realize how far I have to go. It's come to my attention how frequently I've put my relationship with Christ on the sidelines of my life and how much I desire for Him to be my first priority in ALL areas of my life.

I've seen how powerful the gospel is and how through its simplicity and freedom people can be transformed. God is molding each of His children, God is transforming me, into His image.

I've realized that the bible is FULL of truth. Every single piece, every word, every promise. The creator of the WHOLE world loves me, takes care of me, provides all I need and I take it so lightly. I have no reason to be afraid or worried: the God who made the stars, the universe and everything in it is in control of my life.

I've learned more about God's gift of the Holy Spirt and how much His gift of grace and freedom from sin really is worth.

I've learned that although overseas missions isn't something I feel called to right now, His ministry is something that we as believers are called to each day, wherever we are in whatever we are doing. All we do should be done for His glory alone.

I've learned that although I often get nervous or afraid, unless I step out in faith and do what I'm afraid of and let go of my fears, those fears will never subside. Perfect love, only Christ's love, casts out fear.

I've seen how easy most American's have it materialistically and how entitled we think we are to having that ease. I've learned how worthless everything on this Earth is in comparison to Christ. I've learned to appreciate what I've been given more.

I've learned that each moment is its own and should be treated for what it is: a fleeting gift.

I've been reminded that my life is not my own, that the only purpose worth living for is God's.

I've seen, played with, and held some of the 'unloved' and 'unwanted' of this world and learned how much God's love alone is all that can satisfy. He is all they need, and He is all I need. As believers we are all called children of God.

I've learned that when you 'lose your life' for Christ that is when you find it.

I am hidden with Christ in God and He is all I need. All else can fade away, all I need is Jesus.

I've seen how much I struggle with pride, selfishness, patience, compassion, kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness (just to name a few) and know that only with the help of the Holy Spirit can any of that change.

I've been reminded of how unworthy I am of God's gift and how much I don't deserve His love and grace and how my life should be lived as a life of praise and thankfulness to the King.

I have been entrusted (1 Timothy 1:14) with the gift of the gospel, I am an heir to His inheritance and have access to the kingdom. I need to live a life worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27) and of the calling. I need to pour the fragrance of Christ wherever I am, during whatever I'm doing (2 Corinthians 2:14-15).

I want to daily live in His presence, soaking in as much of Him as I can and let it overflow to the world around me. I want Jesus to be the center and the source of my life."



"There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because, if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need to be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to and of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all he has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." - A.W. Tozer

God's Fireworks

This is a journal entry from my trip in Africa that I thought I would share on here :)

July 4, 2010

"I'm pretty sure that homesickness was at an all time high for the team today. The end is drawing near and we know that it won’t be long until we’ll be close to the comforts of home. I think a lot of the home-missing today and to do with it being the 4th of July and people missing their traditions of the holiday at home and knowing that even though we’re on a different continent those traditions of fireworks and cookouts are still continuing.

Around dinnertime a huge thunderstorm started- all thunder and lightning- no rain. The lightning flashed as bright as beams of sun stretched across the dark night sky. After finishing up eating we debated on whether or not we should go out into the opening in front of our building to watch the whole thing. As we debated the power shut off (as it had about a million other times that day and every other day) and the lightning lit up the sky three times. We decided that we probably should go out and watch since it was pitch black and seeing to be able to do anything else was nearly impossible.

We went out on the porch and “ooooed” and “ahhed” at each strike (mostly just the girls because the boys were sick and had left halfway through dinner to go lay down.) After a little while the girls all grabbed hands and ventured out in the pitch black open area to stare up at the sky. We stood in a circle, holding hands, and sang as many patriotic songs as we could come up with at the top of our lungs- loud and off key. When we ran out of songs we just stood under the vast sky and admired the beauty of what was going on around us.

The sky was probably the MOST gorgeously, amazingly, beautiful thing I have EVER seen. There were few clouds and the stars were SO clear, the lightning struck around the stars as if dancing with joy. It. Was. Beautiful. Words cannot describe the beauty of the display God made. I stood there and tried to soak in as much of it to my memory as I could.

After some time one of the girls suggested that we pray to thank God for this beauty and pray for our country and families back home. We huddled together in a “grug” (our name for group hug) and began to pray. As the prayers ended, we said ‘amen’ and the huddle dismantled the power came back on. God’s fireworks display was over.
God showed us a small piece of His magnificence, beauty, and love through the lightning among the stars. We were homesick and missing the traditions of the home holiday, yet an ocean away God gave us the most spectacular light show we’ve ever seen. Even though it wasn’t the show we’re used to it was more glorious than any man-made display could ever be. It’s a few moments in time that I never want to forget. The time God made lightning flash among the stars."

Change in the Making

So I realize that it's been f-o-r-e-v-e-r since I've written on this, I kind of just made it, wrote in it and never returned to it. So much has happened in my heart and my mind since I wrote last, God's been doing big things in revealing Himself to me. I won’t be saying to much about Africa in this post but hopefully as time goes on I’ll write about it more. About a week ago I returned from most definitely the biggest adventure of my life as of yet. So much happened and I learned great leaps and bounds (God's still teaching me some lessons from the trip and I'm sure He will continue to do so for a LONG time.)

This past week I've had time to reflect back on the summer, my life and my relationship with God over the past few years. My time in Africa was a time with very limited communication outside of our team, and very few distractions I could easily sit for an hour or more journaling and praying and reading: spending time being still and communicating with God only. That time was so fruitful, and such a blessing. It was amazing to spend that much intimate time with God; I have never felt so close to Him as I feel now. This trip not only opened my eyes up to the world but to the largeness and sovereignty of God. I'm in awe of His greatness. He is so full of grace and so loving and I don't deserve ANY of it in ANY way- none of us do. He’s amazing. Something that has been on my mind a lot since I've gotten back is "okay God so you revealed so much of Yourself to me in Africa and revealed to me a lot about myself, how do I apply it here." If you've ever gone to a camp or on mission trip of any kind you know that when you get back you're on a "spiritual high" and typically in a few weeks that’s gone, once reality hits you go back to your normal way of living. I’ve spent a majority of this past week trying to go against the flow of the ‘normal’ I’ve tried to apply the changes and what I have learned the past six weeks to my ‘real life’ because let’s face it- if I don’t try to do it now it probably won’t happen. It’s been so freeing to just take time to BE with God and to take time to surrender what I’m doing to Him- He has filled me with and inexpressible and glorious joy that I never want to fade. I know that as I start working and head back to school in a few weeks that it will become harder to go against the norm but I really desire nothing more than to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ.

Right now I feel so full and so satisfied; my heart is so full of joy at times I feel like it could explode. I never want to fall of this ‘mountain top’ and back into the valley again I want to continue climbing- continuing to strive after God and living my life for Him. Christ is all I want to live for. These times I’ve spent alone with God I’ve seen how much my life and my mind revolve around MY wants, MY needs, and MY worries and how little I surrender myself to Him. Something that hit me kind of hard the first few weeks in Togo was the fact that in sharing the gospel with people I would often say that “Christ is the only thing that can fill you and satisfy you, He is ALL you need.” I spent a good amount of time thinking ‘if this is what I truly believe, do I live like that?’ the answer is no. That was a hard reality to meet, it was definitely a turning point. I know that Christ is the only thing that can fill me, and that He can transform an mold my life in MUCH greater ways that I could ever imagine or attempt to create for myself. I am blessed with so much: amazing friends, the ability to go to school, really every moment I am showered with countless blessings (we all are) but we don’t NEED any of it. The moment we start living as if we are the ones in control of our lives or that anything we have in our lives is more important than God, that’s the moment we stop trusting God. That hits hard too: how often do our thoughts and actions revolve around ourselves, how often do we surrender ourselves and our blessings to God and say “God it’s all yours- use it as you please” I know it’s been pretty rare in my life.

In Togo I started reading a book called “The Pursuit of God” by A.W. Tozer and it talks a little bit about this:
“We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really save which is not so committed.”

I need to let go of everything I cling to, no matter how difficult it is and cling to Christ with EVERYTHING. When my life is committed to Him what could be better?
At the beginning of this week I wrote out a few questions to ask myself on a daily (well, continual) basis:
1. Who am I living for right at this moment, who am I glorifying: God or myself?
2. Have I surrendered this to God? Am I trusting Him with it- or trying to deal with it on my own?

My deepest desire is to grow deeper in relationship with God and live fully surrendered to Him. I really hope that as life starts to pick up that I’ll remember that this life is not about me, that I am blessed beyond imagination, and that the Creator of the universe loves me and hold my every moment in the palm of His hand. Christ is all that I need, all that any of us need.