Teaching

I have wanted to be a teacher for...forever. In first grade and all through elementary school I would beg to stay in at recess and 'help' the teacher (I know, I was pretty cool right!?). After school I would retreat to my own 'classroom' in the basement and teach my sister and any one else from the neighborhood who would come over everything I had learned so far. I have a teacher's heart. Teaching has been a desire God has placed on my heart from a very young age.

Now that I am actually teaching real children in a real school I have been reflecting a lot about why I want to be a teacher. What aspects of my teaching am I trying to rely on myself too much for and have been noticing how much letting go and giving God the control I need to do- in every area of my life, including teaching. There have been some hard days and some difficult realizations that I've learned about myself. Through it all though, I really feel like this is something God has gifted me with, my abilities to teach are not my own and they are to be used wisely.

I've learned quite a bit about children as well, in particular third graders. Each day I learn something new about my students, I have learned that home, no matter how wonderful or saddening it is, affects every child- it molds them and shapes them in every aspect of who they are. I have students who come from loving homes and students who are the ones at home cooking, cleaning, and putting the younger ones to bed. I have students who are shuffled back and forth between homes so much that they don't even know where their home is. There are days when I come home with my heart broken and aching for the children in my classroom, and all around the world. There have been days when I have cried out to God asking Him why some children's parents just don't care. What I've learned through student teaching is that my deepest desire for them is not that they would be able to be proficient in math and reading, but for them to know Christ.

I want all of them to know that they are loved, they were created by the King, that they are not alone. He sees them when they're hurt, when they're alone, when they just want to be kids, he sees them when they do well in school, when they score a soccer goal and when they are happy. I want them to know that Christ died for them, that He wants a relationship with them and that He wants to redeem them. I want them to know that this world is not where we belong, that although academics are important, Christ is of the utmost importance, nothing is greater. I long for them to know him, to desire relationship with Him, yearn for Him and seek Him. I pray that they would see Him through me, even though I can't speak His name I want Him to use me for His purposes, to reach children for His kingdom.

I have 8 more weeks with these kids, 8 more weeks to make an impact on them. I don't want to waste them by counting down to graduation. God has given me these 90 students for 16 weeks for a reason, and I do not want to take it lightly. Too often I focus on what is ahead and I miss what is in front of me, I think we all do that.

At camp this summer there was a boy who, whenever his group was in the pavilion I worked in, would come to me and ask for a bible to read. He would sit at a table each day and read through the book of Psalms. He would sit alone and just read. It was clear he was so in love with the word. The last week of camp I asked him if he had a bible of his own- he told me that he didn't so I offered to try to find one for him. On the last day of camp I went to find him to give him a bible the camp had given me for him and he wasn't there- his last day of camp was the previous day. I decided to mail him the bible with a little note saying how encouraging it was for me to see him falling in love with the word, that I was sorry that I didn't get the bible to him before he left, and encouraged him to keep reading and soaking in the word. It was mailed to him and honestly, I completely forgot about it until earlier this week when I received an envelope from camp. In the envelope was a thank you card with the handwriting of a ten year old boy saying:

"Dear Christin, Thank you so much for the bible I really appreciate it. I try to read it every day. I hope I get to see you this summer."

That simple note, made my week. God used that simple action to make a difference. I may not be able to give my students each a bible, but I can show them that I care, I can allow Him to shine through my words, through my actions and through my responses to behavior and all of the random stories I hear each day. I want Him to use me however He chooses, I want Him to take over my actions and my words and live through me.

I feel everything I hear about finding a teaching job in this area makes it sound nearly impossible. When I think about it though, God does not give us gifts and abilities to be wasted. He has reason for our training, for our desires- I don't think He would place those desires and longings in our hearts for them not to be used. My teaching career may not look like how I've always picture it to look. My abilities might not even be used in a school setting, or they might. I may not get my dream teaching job in a year, or ever, but I believe God will give me opportunities to use the gifts He has given me with for His purposes, to make an impact for His kingdom and bring Him glory.

Sorry if that was a bit of ramble, but that's my heart this week!

Student Teaching

Hello :)
So it's been far too long since I've posted but life has had some changes and I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm halfway through my second week of student teaching in third grade. I am loving it- my co-op is awesome, the kids are great and I already have so many funny stories I can hardly remember them all.
Last week was pretty hectic, Monday the kids started and all was well until lunch time on Wednesday when my cooperating teacher had a family emergency and had to leave suddenly. We had just started any sort of content that morning and since the classes rotate 3 times 1 1/2 of the class periods were finished by lunch- leaving 1 1/2 more classes left for the day. The school placed someone in the room with me who said "you've been here so you'll bee fine to teach- right" YIKES! It turned out great though, she tag-teamed everything with me and it all turned out fine. My teacher ended up being out the rest of the week and between the sub and I things were kept running and the routine was kept. In the end I'm really thankful for the experience.

Sometime last week I saw this quote by Ann Voskamp which was such a great reminder:

"Because it's never about your capabilities. When you're in covenant with Christ, it's His responsibility to cover your cracks, to be all your competency and completeness. Inabilities, in Christ, are made all-sufficient, just-right abilities. Abandon worries and wholly abide."

I have a feeling I may attach that to my binder for this semester somewhere. It's SO not about what we can do, but all about what God is doing through us. Love that.

Mashed Potato Hugs

Today was my last day at placement. I spent the morning teaching the most crucial skills of hula hooping and hopscotch in the warm sunlight. Once inside I discussed with three girls their paintings and noticed one girl has been continuously making pictures of her at the "big school." Kindergarten registration has come and gone and the majority of the children in the class have gone to visit their 'big schools' and the conversations about them and how different it will be have been flowing for a few weeks. I spent a good chunk of the rest of my day listening to and trying to calm some the fears of three small girls going to Kindergarten in the fall. We read books, looked at pictures and I shared with them what I remember about Kindergarten and what Kindergarten was like when I taught in it last semester. It really got me thinking about how often instead of embracing and being excited about life changes I fear them and avoid that they will be coming soon. I feel like fearing change and the future is some what natural. I've hit an age in life where most everyone around me is taking the leap of leaving home, leaving college, moving into searching for a career and becoming adults. It is a scary time, transition and change are full of unknowns and it's usually not the most comfortable thing but looking back there are so many events and changes in life that if we let fear take over and avoided them completely we would not be the people we are today.

God uses the difficult things, the hard things, the transitions to refine us, to make us more like Him- to be the people He created.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." - 1 Peter 1:6-7

Even though the girls I talked with this morning are only five, they have fears and worries about their future- though those fears seem small to us they are GIGANTIC to them. We all know that Kindergarten is not so scary a place, once you've been there and that once it turns time to move onto middle school similar feelings of fear start to arise but then we realized it really wasn't soooo bad. Just like those fears seem small to us now and how they molded us into who we are; our worries about where we'll work, live, what we'll be in five years will shape us into who we will be. God knows where we'll be in five years, and what we'll be doing- He's held each of us through our entire lives- He's drawn us into Him and He will continue to do so into eternity. We have no reason to worry or fear because the God who made the universe holds our little lives in the palm of His hand and He won't let us go.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken." - Psalm 62:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:11-13

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:28-33

Today as I left to head to my last college classes of my undergrad, I left my little pre-kers eating their lunch of turkey and mashed potatoes. I stood at the door and said goodbyes to them all, told them I will miss them, that I hope that I'll see them again some day, wished them a good rest of the year. I was then stampeded by eighteen four and five year olds covered in mashed potatoes giving me the biggest group hug I've ever received. I sincerely will miss them, I don't know what the God has planned for their lives but I pray that they will come to know Him, rest all of their worries and cares in Him, and walk in His glorious plan for their lives.

Education & God's Sovereignty

So the past few weeks have been chaotic to say the least in the world of Pennsylvania education. The governor has proposed a budget that, if passed, will lower the amount of funding public schools are getting immensely. This means that schools are being forced to get rid of things like kindergarten, art & music programs, sports, and that they're laying off teachers. This also means for the kids in those schools that if there are fewer teachers their classes sizes will grow and their ability to receive the help they need will grow slim.

My education professors over the past four years have always said that if we can get out of the state to teach we should do it because Pennsylvania has an odd problem- we have more certified teachers than there are jobs, where all of the states surrounding us have the opposite problem. This is true now more than ever.

Last night as a class requirement I had to go to an on campus rally against the budget. My professor was speaking and told us that if half the class agreed to go she would cancel two classes and a quiz (when you through around incentives like cancelling class and tests things usually go your way). So I went, along with the rest of my class. It was by far the most political/hippie-esque thing I have ever been to. There was chanting, singing, and waving of signs. To be honest I was completely freaked out and out of my element by being there. Don't get me wrong- I'm all for education and wanting children to succeed but I don't think yelling and making mean phone calls to state representatives is at all the way about it. What struck me about the rally was that every story anyone shared was about them, how they could get further ahead if this budget doesn't pass, how they could make more money in the future with their college degrees and how the people who want to pass this budget are the enemy. They continuously referred to the political leaders of our state as the enemy.
The enemy? Now that's taking it a little too far. Being someone who knows very little about politics and very little about what's going on in the news and I'll be honest, I don't really know full extent of what is going on.

I do know that God is in control and that He knew that this was going to happen centuries before today. I know that things may seem bad, but that my God is mighty. I know that for how much people feel slighted by this that there is a God who holds the key to hope. Our society is flawed, it has been since the moment that Adam and Eve decided to go against what God specifically told them and sinned. We are sinful, we are selfish, we are detestable. The only cure for our faulty hearts is Christ, to live to glorify Him with everything. We can't go pointing our fingers and others, yelling and waving signs, because although education matters- Christ matters most.
No matter how discouraged, or upset we get by the things of this world we need to keep in perspective that our God is greater than our worries and fears, He conquered death and sin and He and He alone gives us the choice to belong to Him, to live for Him, to live in joy and hope and peace. Our God is sovereign.


"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:20-21

"I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips." Psalm 34:1

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ might be for the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1:11-12

Spring Break and Fathers

It's spring break and I am home for the first time since the middle of January- it's crazy how these stretches seem to get longer and longer as the years go by! I don't have too much going on for this break, I'm the only one of my friends who is home this week, and my siblings are still in school so it's going to be another quiet week- but I'm not complaining!

The past few weeks at my preschool placement have been going well. Each day I am confronted with either a really happy story about a child at the placement, or a really saddening one but on most days a little of both :). The program I am working with is a government run preschool where most of the children come from low-income households. Some of these kids have experienced situations that I personally can not relate to and that make me so very sad. They know more about the evil in the world we live in than I would ever hope for my child, or really any child. At the same time they're still the silly, fun little kids you would expect in a preschool classroom. In the classroom they are free to be the children that they are and explore the world in a safe environment.

Each morning and afternoon that I go I ride the bus to pick each child up from their homes and buckle them into their seats. The bus rides so far has been the biggest learning experience that I have had at this placement. This is where I have the most one-on-one conversation time with the kids and where I have been able to get to know them as individuals, and at the ripe old age of four these little people have quite a few things to share about the world they live in!

Something that has really struck me is the way that these children view males. One day one of the boys father's came in to visit and read with the kids, it was so amazing to see how attentively they sat and listened and to see how much respect they had for anything that he did or said. I have learned that many of them don't have a father at home and so this interaction is really exciting for them. Another afternoon, on the bus run, we were dropping one child off and he saw that his dad was at the stop to pick him up, the bus driver told me to keep an eye on how the child reacted since this was the first time he had seen his father in a long time. The boy unbuckled his seatbelt so fast, ran to the bus doors and started pushing on the doors to run out and hug his dad.

Last weekend I was explaining some of this to a friend and his response was "and how much greater is our Heavenly Father." Such a brief and profound statement. The way that those kids looked up to that dad in the classroom, the excitement for the time they get to spend with their fathers should be similar to the love and excitement we have for the time we get to spend with our Heavenly Father. When I really think about coming home, honestly, the one person that I am usually the most excited to see is my dad. It's not that I'm not excited to see other people or for what ever is planned when I am home or that even that we're incredibly close with my dad in some way, but there's just something unique about my own father that is different than everyone else that my heart gets excited for.

...but back to what I was saying: nothing can compare to our Father in heaven, and so we should desire more than anything to spend as much time with Him every day as we possibly could- right?

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26

From the time we are born we are sinners, longing for something. As a part of our human nature we try to fill that emptiness with what we can find on this earth, but nothing on this earth can satisfy. All that can satisfy is the sacrificial love of our God. When we recognize that we are sinners and accept His sacrifice as the only atonement for our sins we are given purpose- to devote our lives to being His servant, loving and glorifying Him with each and every step we take. The time we spend with God isn't a sacrifice we make, it's a reward something our hearts should yearn for.

I don't know which, if any, of the kids that I'm working with have been told of the hope in Christ. I also know that as a teacher this is something that I'm going to face each year I have new class of students. For as much as I can teach my students academics, which will help them on this earth, eternally it means nothing. What they need is Christ, what we all need is Christ. As a teacher (or intern right now) what I can say legally is so limited, but there has to be a way.

Just writing out some thoughts...while I was thinking them, sorry it got so long!

Also... I wanted to share this song by Brooke Fraser. It's lyrics go pretty well with what I just shared above too- funny how that happens :)