God is GOOD.

Hey!

My brother and sister have gone back to school, we finally had our first *winter* snow (it snowed back in October, but that was technically fall...so therefore it doesn't really count- right?). I'm getting into the groove of living back at home with my parents. I organized and cleaned the room that has been 'mine' for my entire life- came across a few treasures and a few changes to make it more home-y for me the next few months. I've spent my days applying to jobs, watching Friends, testing out some pinterest ideas and wedding planning (can you believe it's just 15 weeks away!).

God has been teaching me a significant amount during these days of quiet. He's been reminding me that life isn't about my plans and how I want things to go- but about Him and His perfect plans. He's been leading me in taking a look at where I place my identity and being defined by Him and nothing else. Finally He's been teaching me to let go, give Him control and rest in His provision and care. Some days this learning is tough and even painful but I know that He is using this season to refine me and draw me closer to Him- so it is beyond worth it.

In the past two weeks I have had five interviews, with a sixth tomorrow and I've gotten two job offers (which I have accepted)- talk about provision! God's also been opening doors for employment after the wedding, which is awesome! I went to an interview today for tssing/respite care and they mentioned they recently opened an office where I will be living after we're married and that they're looking to employ people there for those positions! How awesome is that! God is providing & I know He will continue to do so.

A New (Short) Chapter

I'm a college graduate!!!!

I graduated Saturday and since then it has been non-stop Christmas preparation with the family. I'm finding it hard to focus on the meaning and purpose of Christmas. All I can think about is the next four months and what lies ahead. I already miss my students, the busyness of teaching and being in front of a classroom full of children- and it's only been one week. I've applied a few places for subbing but haven't heard anything back yet- which is expected being the week before Christmas and all. I just wish I could square everything away and be ready to start working right after new years, but I'm going to need to wait on God's timing and stop trying to get things to work according to mine. Ha running theme of my life- I need to let go of my grip of control.

I've also been struggling lately with identity. I've been a student for almost all of my life, about 18 years, and now I'm not. I've noticed that I've placed so much of my identity in that part of myself and now that 'student' isn't a term that defines me I feel lost. It's a reality check in how much I place my identity in Christ and who He says I am as opposed to how this world defines me.

I'm hoping over the next few weeks to find a part-time job, start subbing, continue with wedding/marriage plans (it's about 4 months away!), and build on my support system here. After my siblings and friends head back to school I'll be living here for the next few months- I'm planning to look into the small groups at my church and possibly join one. Although I'll only be living here for a brief time I don't want to miss the opportunities God has for me now because I'm anxiously awaiting the next chapter to begin.

Apart from Him we can do nothing

This past week was the longest week ever. Camp everyday all day, then either vacation bible school at my church or working my first few days at my new job. After my first day I found myself exhausted, stressed out and emotionally drained- and that was just the first day (hence my last post). God clearly showed me in daily living that apart from Him I can do NOTHING.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:5

He showed me that when I try to do it all on my own all I get is weak, moody and defeated. The lies of the devil take over and my attitude becomes far what it should be. I've found that when I spend time each morning- no matter how long or short devoted to focusing on the Father and just BEING with Him, life is so much more focused and I'm a completely different person. It makes such a difference.

This coming week I will be taking on the role of camp bible teacher while the regular bible teacher is away on vacation. I'm so excited, and so nervous at the same time! I'm excited to be in the position for the week to share the word with these kids but nervous that my fears will take over. I'm praying that God would take over it all and give me His words. I'm also continuing to pray that the kids would be open to what He has to teach them at camp, and that His will would be done in their hearts.

This week I came across this song and it's been encouraging me all week to remember that I belong to Christ, as believers we chosen to be His children. Only through the blood of His Son we are made blameless and worthy. Each day belongs to Him and He holds us each day.

Blameless- Dara Joy Maclean

What manner of love is this that you would lay down your life?
You paid the price, the sacrifice for redemption
Now I am determined to know, Christ and Him crucified
Now alive and the power in me is You

I’m blameless
You call me holy
I’ve been forgiven, You call me righteous
I’m free
I’m spotless, You call me worthy
I am Your child
You call me chosen
I’m Yours, I am Yours

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession —to the praise of his glory." -Ephesians 1:3-14

Know that in Him you are forgiven. You are chosen, worthy, holy, blameless. You are His and apart from Him we can do nothing.

Warm Weather & Reminders

Today was beautiful. After a weekend of cold and rain today was beyond amazing. When I got home from Pre-K I decided to head to a park in town to read and journal (one of my favorite things to do on a beautiful day)! While there I got a call from one of my teammates from this past summer that I've been trying to get in contact with for a few weeks. It really made me miss the team, and reminded me of so much that happened this summer. It reminded me also that for as close as our team is, and for how rarely we talk now- we experienced something so unique this summer. We are a family, spread apart by many miles, each of us living very different lives but- we are unified in Christ. Whenever a phone call is made conversation picks up where it left off. I miss them very much tonight. We laughed on the phone reminiscing of the funny things that happened, and talked about some of the things that went unknown to us until we were back in the states. Then she said something a little more serious like "You know...I wish while we were there we wouldn't have complained as much as we did, I wish that we would have just looked at what was going on around us and took it in without hoping for anything more."

How true is that for everyday? We spend so much time hoping for the next thing. In Africa it was things like a shower, dreaming about what we would eat first when we got home, being excited to see our family and friends when we got home. I am not saying at all that in the moment I wasn't grateful for the experiences, because I really was, but I could have been more present in the moment. I think we all could be a little more present in the seasons we are currently in, in the moments that pass us by each day.

In church yesterday the pastor talked a little bit about how each day we spend a significant amount of time looking down on ourselves, or thinking that we're not getting what we deserve (there is a difference between humility and thinking poorly of ourselves). He talked about how these things can become idols, I had never really thought about it that way. When we complain about things and act as if we are entitled to something it kind of is like telling God that what He has for us isn't enough, like saying that we know better.

So this week I'm hoping to live with this new perspective. To be thankful and focused on who Christ is and all He's done. To not dwell on the things that aren't or on my desires but on what is.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3

Identity and Reliance

Well, it's summertime! I feel like the weeks leading up to summer are so full of anticipation for free time to relax and now that summer's actually here I'm ready to actually be back at school haha. If anything these past two weeks have been a great time of relaxing and reflecting on this year. This year was probably one of the most stressful years, not really academically but spiritually, and emotionally. Looking back I see how God was using each event to mold me. When I look back on my journals and emails with friends from the semester I notice some funny themes, I started the year of questioning what it means to have identity in Christ and what Christ calls me, and asking God to teach me to fully rely on Him. Well for part of the semester I went through the book of Ephesians and wrote down everything that God calls us and everything He says about Himself. After finishing the study I felt like I knew a little bit more of who God calls me to be and how I am viewed by Christ and moved on to a different study. Well at the end of the semester I found the topic of identity coming up again, in almost every sermon, many conversations and through what I was reading in scripture funny huh? This time the focus revolved around the passage in John 15 about the vine and the branches.

'"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned." John 15:1-6

Verse 5 stands out to me the most... apart from Christ we can do NOTHING. We need to be rooted in Him and in Him alone. Our reliance needs to me on Christ and TRUSTING that He knows what He is doing with our lives, we need Him and His guidance in order to bear fruit.

"Unless the Lord builds the house its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1a

I need to surrender everything wholeheartedly to Him and be rooted in Him as my source, my builder, for everything I do, say, think, and where my attitude is rooted.

When our identity strays away from Christ, I think a lot of our sin sprouts. For example, if our identity is in a relationship our focus on God strays and we start to try to please that person whether it’s through actions or words. When God is our strength and our source, He truly is EVERYTHING we need. I often find myself praying for God to do certain things, with all of hope that He’ll do it MY way. God is all powerful and knows everything, so who am I to tell Him what to do, as if I know what’s best for me. “I am the vine and you are the branches, if a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do NOTHING.” Without Christ in all we do our efforts are fruitless. If not for Him what are we working for?

I've been learning even more about reliance in preparing for Africa this summer. Going on this trip is such a leap of faith for me. I'm the type of person who likes to know 'the plan' and know what is coming up and be organized and ready. I also like to be in almost constant contact with those who are closest to me. I start to feel really insecure when I don't have control or when communication from those I love and am in a new environment. Don't get me wrong, I love camping and being able to just shut my phone off and be away from computers and technology for a few days, but I like to be the one to decide when it is okay for those things to come back in my life haha.

Well in just a few weeks I'll be surrendering my planning, my communication, and leaving everything and everyone that is familiar to me for six weeks. It's been amazing to see how God has been preparing me this year for this and how my finances and everything has been falling together. I can't begin to explain how freeing and cool it has been to just trust that the money will come in and to see how it HAS been coming in. God definitely has been working in my heart and mind to prepare me for what is coming. I don't know much about this trip, I know some of the possibilities and have talked with some of the people going through email a little bit and normally I feel like I would be freaking out in fear of the unknown, but God has given me this peace. Trusting He's got it all under control and knows what is best for me is all I can do right now. God is good!

"You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. So trust in the Lord (commit yourself to Him, lean on Him, hope confidently in Him) forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages]." Isaiah 26:3-4 (amplified version)