Unworthy Acceptance

"God adopts us out of his free love, not because our character and record shows us worthy to bear his name, but despite the fact that they show the opposite. We are not fit for a place in God’s family; the idea of His loving and exalting sinners as He loves and has exalted the Lord Jesus sound ludicrous and wild- yet that, and nothing less than that, is what our adoption means.” - James I. Packer

Found this quote this morning while working on a paper for my grad class. Such a good reminder that we are SO undeserving and yet God accepts us fully.

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

For the first day in a few weeks I had a day completely off- no where to go, no sub calls, no work, no nothin'. Soooo what did I do but get all dressed up to run regular errands like put gas in my car and run to buy some envelopes. (come on, we all need to do it every once in awhile, it's healthy- do it.) I didn't get to see Ethan, but I did get a sweet package from him and had a nice valentine's dinner with my parents :)

Life has gotten busy lately, so busy that I forget to sit down and just soak in some God time- necessary- I know. I've started substitute teaching in a few districts in the area, I got a job with a tutoring company, I'm babysitting occasionally, and I'm still working at the childcare center. On top of that the wedding is in just 3 months (ahh!) so we're beginning to make our ideas for decorations and such a reality. The other weekend we signed a lease for our first apartment- it's tiny and super cute and I can't wait to move in and make it ours (even if it's only ours for a little while :)!

I'll leave you with this, I feel like it's fitting for life right now:

"In him alone lie our security, our confidence, our trust. A spirit of restlessness and resistance can never wait, but one who believes he is loved with an everlasting love, and knows that underneath are the everlasting arms, will find strength and peace." - Elisabeth Elliot

Spring Break and Fathers

It's spring break and I am home for the first time since the middle of January- it's crazy how these stretches seem to get longer and longer as the years go by! I don't have too much going on for this break, I'm the only one of my friends who is home this week, and my siblings are still in school so it's going to be another quiet week- but I'm not complaining!

The past few weeks at my preschool placement have been going well. Each day I am confronted with either a really happy story about a child at the placement, or a really saddening one but on most days a little of both :). The program I am working with is a government run preschool where most of the children come from low-income households. Some of these kids have experienced situations that I personally can not relate to and that make me so very sad. They know more about the evil in the world we live in than I would ever hope for my child, or really any child. At the same time they're still the silly, fun little kids you would expect in a preschool classroom. In the classroom they are free to be the children that they are and explore the world in a safe environment.

Each morning and afternoon that I go I ride the bus to pick each child up from their homes and buckle them into their seats. The bus rides so far has been the biggest learning experience that I have had at this placement. This is where I have the most one-on-one conversation time with the kids and where I have been able to get to know them as individuals, and at the ripe old age of four these little people have quite a few things to share about the world they live in!

Something that has really struck me is the way that these children view males. One day one of the boys father's came in to visit and read with the kids, it was so amazing to see how attentively they sat and listened and to see how much respect they had for anything that he did or said. I have learned that many of them don't have a father at home and so this interaction is really exciting for them. Another afternoon, on the bus run, we were dropping one child off and he saw that his dad was at the stop to pick him up, the bus driver told me to keep an eye on how the child reacted since this was the first time he had seen his father in a long time. The boy unbuckled his seatbelt so fast, ran to the bus doors and started pushing on the doors to run out and hug his dad.

Last weekend I was explaining some of this to a friend and his response was "and how much greater is our Heavenly Father." Such a brief and profound statement. The way that those kids looked up to that dad in the classroom, the excitement for the time they get to spend with their fathers should be similar to the love and excitement we have for the time we get to spend with our Heavenly Father. When I really think about coming home, honestly, the one person that I am usually the most excited to see is my dad. It's not that I'm not excited to see other people or for what ever is planned when I am home or that even that we're incredibly close with my dad in some way, but there's just something unique about my own father that is different than everyone else that my heart gets excited for.

...but back to what I was saying: nothing can compare to our Father in heaven, and so we should desire more than anything to spend as much time with Him every day as we possibly could- right?

"O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." Psalm 63:1

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26

From the time we are born we are sinners, longing for something. As a part of our human nature we try to fill that emptiness with what we can find on this earth, but nothing on this earth can satisfy. All that can satisfy is the sacrificial love of our God. When we recognize that we are sinners and accept His sacrifice as the only atonement for our sins we are given purpose- to devote our lives to being His servant, loving and glorifying Him with each and every step we take. The time we spend with God isn't a sacrifice we make, it's a reward something our hearts should yearn for.

I don't know which, if any, of the kids that I'm working with have been told of the hope in Christ. I also know that as a teacher this is something that I'm going to face each year I have new class of students. For as much as I can teach my students academics, which will help them on this earth, eternally it means nothing. What they need is Christ, what we all need is Christ. As a teacher (or intern right now) what I can say legally is so limited, but there has to be a way.

Just writing out some thoughts...while I was thinking them, sorry it got so long!

Also... I wanted to share this song by Brooke Fraser. It's lyrics go pretty well with what I just shared above too- funny how that happens :)

Hope

This morning I was reading through Psalm 33 and fell in love with it. It gives such a wonderful picture of hope!

Psalm 33

1 Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
2 Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
3 Sing to him a new song;
play skillfully, and shout for joy.

4 For the word of the Lord is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.
5 The LORD loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

6 By the word of the Lord the heavens were made,
their starry host by the breath of his mouth.

7 He gathers the waters of the sea into jars;
he puts the deep into storehouses.
8 Let all the earth fear the Lord;
let all the people of the world revere him.
9 For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

10 The LORD foils the plans of the nations;
he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
11 But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
the people he chose for his inheritance.
13 From heaven the Lord looks down
and sees all mankind;
14 from his dwelling place he watches
all who live on earth—
15 he who forms the hearts of all,
who considers everything they do.

16 No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.
17 A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.
18 But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
19 to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you

It's been awhile...

So it’s been FOREVER since I’ve blogged. So sorry about that! I don’t seem to be very good at this whole keeping up with a blog thing. So many wonderful blessings have happened that I should’ve/could’ve written about on here but haven’t- whoops!

Well I suppose I’ll start with the news that (as of tomorrow) I’ll have been ENGAGED for two months! INSANE  On October 30th Ethan surprised me with a hike, and a picnic, and at sunset asked me the very exciting question of “Will you marry me?” I still can’t believe it. God’s been teaching me so much during this time about focus and remember that for how blessed and excited I am during this time it is nothing compared to when I get to see Christ face to face. I know that may sound like a silly comparison BUT shortly after writing my last post I came across a verse in Isaiah that has been playing over and over in my thoughts since I first read it:

“For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5

God is our first love, our priority. It’s so amazing to think that Christ, our redeemer and hope, is waiting for us and calling us to love him and set apart our WHOLE hearts for him. In some ways from the moment we step into His grace and choose to live for Him, we become ‘engaged’ to Him. His love is deeper, higher, wider, stronger, and truer than any earthly love we could ever be a part of! Take a minute and think about how absolutely exciting that is?! God loved us so much that he sent His son to die for us so that we someday can be with Him- AMAZING!

The second thing that has happened is that the semester has ended! The most time consuming, demanding semester I have ever completed (hence the lack of blogging) is over! I only have two semesters left of college which is bittersweet, but I won’t lie- I’m SO looking forward to being done! The business of this semester has affected so many areas of my life, many of my friendships have become much shallower than I would ever want and the time that I’ve been able to set apart to just BE with God has decreased monumentally- this break is MUCH needed. I’ve kind of found during my break so far that I think that I have forgotten to see that the time I’m given with ‘nothing’ to do is such a blessing of time to soak in who God is, and what He has to teach me. I have sadly stopped thinking about Togo quite as much and there is still so much to be processed, so over this break I have decided to read through and type up my journal from those six weeks in hopes to remember something’s and seek God in the things that I still need His guidance on figuring out.

Lastly, Christmas has come and gone and lately whenever I’ve been reading my bible I’ve ended up in Isaiah?! No matter where I start that’s where I end up- but anyway point being that when reading through the Christmas story I came across the different prophesies about Jesus coming (it’s really neat and everyone should take the time to look through them) and I’m going to finish this blog with two of the verses that I’ve been loving these past few days.

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples but the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you.” Isaiah 60:1-2

Restless til I rest in You

The past few weeks have been crazy with work and projects, I've been cherishing my short time early in the morning when I can sit down and just be with God and I've been blown away by the fact that in Christ we are children of God and have access to His kingdom. WE HAVE ACCESS TO THE KINGDOM OF GOD, and although the gift is free and is given freely- it came at a cost. Jesus came to earth, became a human- something that was completely selfless. Christ probably wasn’t thinking- I’d like to know what it’s like to live in a world full of sin and evil- where people live under the reign of Satan instead of my Father, but He did it for us. We have been given the gift of eternal life through Christ’s sacrificial love for us- so should we desire to live a life of sacrifice in return? A life fully trusting in God, relying on Him for all of our needs and desires, life yearning to please our King is what we were made for.

Over the summer a passage that I continued to look back on was Jeremiah 17, it has become a favorite since then.

“This is what the Lord says: Cursed is the one who trust in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will dwell in the parched places of the desert in a salt land where no one lives.”(Verses 5-6)

How often do we depend on others for our strength- do we run to them for comfort and help? I know that more frequently than not, I seek peoples approval and comfort before I go to God and rest in His arms. There’s a song by Audrey Assad that says “I’m restless until I rest in You,” we were hand created by God, for His glory and purposes and cannot be filled or satisfied by anything or anyone other than him. These verses say that a person who seeks after/depends on humans for strength will live in the wastelands, the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. I picture a tree in the desert with no leaves dry with no supply of water and no way to be nourished.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (verses 7-8)

These verses are so full of hope and promise. Those who trust in the Lord, who find their confidence in Him are like a tree who never has to worry about how it will continue to thrive and grow and never fails to bear fruit. If our trust wholly rests in the hands of our creator we have no reason to fear or lack in confidence because the God who made the universe is holding our life. If we live each moment to seek and know Him, to glorify Him in our lives so that He becomes greater we become less we will be like a tree whose roots go down in a stream and always have a source of life.
It’s crazy sometimes how when God’s teaching you something it’s like the repeat button is on everything you hear or say, everything ‘happens’ to have a common theme- I don’t believe it’s a coincidence.

In church the past few weeks the pastor has been going through Proverbs 3, it’s been so cool to see that the whole chapter is really about trust- I’ve grown up knowing the verses 5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Trust means to take refuge, put confidence in, Lean means to rest upon, seek support of, and ‘our own understanding’ means our own skills, intelligence, senses and emotion. On our own, apart from Jesus we can do nothing, as much as we try or think we can, we can’t. Take refuge, put your confidence and trust in the Lord with your whole heart, rest upon, seek support of, rely and lean not on ourselves but on Christ and He will supply me with all that we need and we will have no reason to fear when hard times come because the creator of the world holds us and our confidence is in Him.

Looking Back and Moving Forward

So it's nearing the end of my second week of school. I'm all settled into my room and getting used to being back.I'm working at remembering and living out the lessons God taught me this summer by trying to let go and surrender each day to Christ.
Today I have for the most part free, so I decided to sit down and read through my journal from Togo (or at least some of it, it's pretty long!) I found an entry from the third week where I listed all of the lessons I had learned so far on the journey, this is it :)

"Lessons learned from Togo

Though I've only been here for a few short weeks I've already learned so much that I don't want to ever forget.
I've learned how blessed I truly am, I grew up in a place where material things are taken for granted, and so easily I'm blinded and forget how much I'm blessed each day. I've seen how truly lucky I am.

I've seen how faithful God is and learned the power of prayer. I've learned the importance of abiding in God ALONE.

I've seen how much control and how many distractions Satan uses to draw me away from God. I've learned that if I just spend the time I set apart for God for HIS glory, and really dig deep, how much He has to reveal to me. I've learned that abiding and trusting God with everything means fully surrendering without fear or doubt.

I've learned how little I know and how much I need to learn.

I've seen firsthand how God can use anything He wants, even the color of my skin to reveal His glory. I've realized how often I limit God's power in my mind and I know that He is capable of much more than i can imagine and does things in HIS timing HIS way. I've learned how sweet and good His timing and and His way really are.

I've seen poverty and lifestyles I hardly believed existed or had only read about it books or seen on t.v. I've seen how much joy that believers living in those hard situations have and how they realize that this life isn't about them or their wants or needs, but God is good despite the circumstances and His joy lasts.

I've seen how much sin reigns over peoples lives and how much we are in need of a Savior. I've learned how strong Satan is, but how much STRONGER God is. I've learned that PERFECT LOVE casts out ALL fear.

I've learned that when you turn all your worries and anxieties over to Christ FULLY and lay them at the cross He will supply all you need and FILL you with a peace and joy beyond any we have tried to build for ourselves or find here on this earth. And indescribable peace and joy that can only come from Christ.

I've learned that God is Sovereign and His ways and His purposes are higher than any of mine could ever be (by far.)

I've learned that even though at times I may feel worthless, useless or incomplete ONLY HE can fill me and satisfy all of my desires. God knows what I need. He is all I need.

I've seen the beauty of God's creation through His people, His scenery, in children's laughs and in the night sky. I've grown deeper in relationship with my Father in heaven and realize how far I have to go. It's come to my attention how frequently I've put my relationship with Christ on the sidelines of my life and how much I desire for Him to be my first priority in ALL areas of my life.

I've seen how powerful the gospel is and how through its simplicity and freedom people can be transformed. God is molding each of His children, God is transforming me, into His image.

I've realized that the bible is FULL of truth. Every single piece, every word, every promise. The creator of the WHOLE world loves me, takes care of me, provides all I need and I take it so lightly. I have no reason to be afraid or worried: the God who made the stars, the universe and everything in it is in control of my life.

I've learned more about God's gift of the Holy Spirt and how much His gift of grace and freedom from sin really is worth.

I've learned that although overseas missions isn't something I feel called to right now, His ministry is something that we as believers are called to each day, wherever we are in whatever we are doing. All we do should be done for His glory alone.

I've learned that although I often get nervous or afraid, unless I step out in faith and do what I'm afraid of and let go of my fears, those fears will never subside. Perfect love, only Christ's love, casts out fear.

I've seen how easy most American's have it materialistically and how entitled we think we are to having that ease. I've learned how worthless everything on this Earth is in comparison to Christ. I've learned to appreciate what I've been given more.

I've learned that each moment is its own and should be treated for what it is: a fleeting gift.

I've been reminded that my life is not my own, that the only purpose worth living for is God's.

I've seen, played with, and held some of the 'unloved' and 'unwanted' of this world and learned how much God's love alone is all that can satisfy. He is all they need, and He is all I need. As believers we are all called children of God.

I've learned that when you 'lose your life' for Christ that is when you find it.

I am hidden with Christ in God and He is all I need. All else can fade away, all I need is Jesus.

I've seen how much I struggle with pride, selfishness, patience, compassion, kindness, gentleness, and forgiveness (just to name a few) and know that only with the help of the Holy Spirit can any of that change.

I've been reminded of how unworthy I am of God's gift and how much I don't deserve His love and grace and how my life should be lived as a life of praise and thankfulness to the King.

I have been entrusted (1 Timothy 1:14) with the gift of the gospel, I am an heir to His inheritance and have access to the kingdom. I need to live a life worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27) and of the calling. I need to pour the fragrance of Christ wherever I am, during whatever I'm doing (2 Corinthians 2:14-15).

I want to daily live in His presence, soaking in as much of Him as I can and let it overflow to the world around me. I want Jesus to be the center and the source of my life."



"There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because, if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need to be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to and of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all he has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." - A.W. Tozer

God's Fireworks

This is a journal entry from my trip in Africa that I thought I would share on here :)

July 4, 2010

"I'm pretty sure that homesickness was at an all time high for the team today. The end is drawing near and we know that it won’t be long until we’ll be close to the comforts of home. I think a lot of the home-missing today and to do with it being the 4th of July and people missing their traditions of the holiday at home and knowing that even though we’re on a different continent those traditions of fireworks and cookouts are still continuing.

Around dinnertime a huge thunderstorm started- all thunder and lightning- no rain. The lightning flashed as bright as beams of sun stretched across the dark night sky. After finishing up eating we debated on whether or not we should go out into the opening in front of our building to watch the whole thing. As we debated the power shut off (as it had about a million other times that day and every other day) and the lightning lit up the sky three times. We decided that we probably should go out and watch since it was pitch black and seeing to be able to do anything else was nearly impossible.

We went out on the porch and “ooooed” and “ahhed” at each strike (mostly just the girls because the boys were sick and had left halfway through dinner to go lay down.) After a little while the girls all grabbed hands and ventured out in the pitch black open area to stare up at the sky. We stood in a circle, holding hands, and sang as many patriotic songs as we could come up with at the top of our lungs- loud and off key. When we ran out of songs we just stood under the vast sky and admired the beauty of what was going on around us.

The sky was probably the MOST gorgeously, amazingly, beautiful thing I have EVER seen. There were few clouds and the stars were SO clear, the lightning struck around the stars as if dancing with joy. It. Was. Beautiful. Words cannot describe the beauty of the display God made. I stood there and tried to soak in as much of it to my memory as I could.

After some time one of the girls suggested that we pray to thank God for this beauty and pray for our country and families back home. We huddled together in a “grug” (our name for group hug) and began to pray. As the prayers ended, we said ‘amen’ and the huddle dismantled the power came back on. God’s fireworks display was over.
God showed us a small piece of His magnificence, beauty, and love through the lightning among the stars. We were homesick and missing the traditions of the home holiday, yet an ocean away God gave us the most spectacular light show we’ve ever seen. Even though it wasn’t the show we’re used to it was more glorious than any man-made display could ever be. It’s a few moments in time that I never want to forget. The time God made lightning flash among the stars."