Teaching

I have wanted to be a teacher for...forever. In first grade and all through elementary school I would beg to stay in at recess and 'help' the teacher (I know, I was pretty cool right!?). After school I would retreat to my own 'classroom' in the basement and teach my sister and any one else from the neighborhood who would come over everything I had learned so far. I have a teacher's heart. Teaching has been a desire God has placed on my heart from a very young age.

Now that I am actually teaching real children in a real school I have been reflecting a lot about why I want to be a teacher. What aspects of my teaching am I trying to rely on myself too much for and have been noticing how much letting go and giving God the control I need to do- in every area of my life, including teaching. There have been some hard days and some difficult realizations that I've learned about myself. Through it all though, I really feel like this is something God has gifted me with, my abilities to teach are not my own and they are to be used wisely.

I've learned quite a bit about children as well, in particular third graders. Each day I learn something new about my students, I have learned that home, no matter how wonderful or saddening it is, affects every child- it molds them and shapes them in every aspect of who they are. I have students who come from loving homes and students who are the ones at home cooking, cleaning, and putting the younger ones to bed. I have students who are shuffled back and forth between homes so much that they don't even know where their home is. There are days when I come home with my heart broken and aching for the children in my classroom, and all around the world. There have been days when I have cried out to God asking Him why some children's parents just don't care. What I've learned through student teaching is that my deepest desire for them is not that they would be able to be proficient in math and reading, but for them to know Christ.

I want all of them to know that they are loved, they were created by the King, that they are not alone. He sees them when they're hurt, when they're alone, when they just want to be kids, he sees them when they do well in school, when they score a soccer goal and when they are happy. I want them to know that Christ died for them, that He wants a relationship with them and that He wants to redeem them. I want them to know that this world is not where we belong, that although academics are important, Christ is of the utmost importance, nothing is greater. I long for them to know him, to desire relationship with Him, yearn for Him and seek Him. I pray that they would see Him through me, even though I can't speak His name I want Him to use me for His purposes, to reach children for His kingdom.

I have 8 more weeks with these kids, 8 more weeks to make an impact on them. I don't want to waste them by counting down to graduation. God has given me these 90 students for 16 weeks for a reason, and I do not want to take it lightly. Too often I focus on what is ahead and I miss what is in front of me, I think we all do that.

At camp this summer there was a boy who, whenever his group was in the pavilion I worked in, would come to me and ask for a bible to read. He would sit at a table each day and read through the book of Psalms. He would sit alone and just read. It was clear he was so in love with the word. The last week of camp I asked him if he had a bible of his own- he told me that he didn't so I offered to try to find one for him. On the last day of camp I went to find him to give him a bible the camp had given me for him and he wasn't there- his last day of camp was the previous day. I decided to mail him the bible with a little note saying how encouraging it was for me to see him falling in love with the word, that I was sorry that I didn't get the bible to him before he left, and encouraged him to keep reading and soaking in the word. It was mailed to him and honestly, I completely forgot about it until earlier this week when I received an envelope from camp. In the envelope was a thank you card with the handwriting of a ten year old boy saying:

"Dear Christin, Thank you so much for the bible I really appreciate it. I try to read it every day. I hope I get to see you this summer."

That simple note, made my week. God used that simple action to make a difference. I may not be able to give my students each a bible, but I can show them that I care, I can allow Him to shine through my words, through my actions and through my responses to behavior and all of the random stories I hear each day. I want Him to use me however He chooses, I want Him to take over my actions and my words and live through me.

I feel everything I hear about finding a teaching job in this area makes it sound nearly impossible. When I think about it though, God does not give us gifts and abilities to be wasted. He has reason for our training, for our desires- I don't think He would place those desires and longings in our hearts for them not to be used. My teaching career may not look like how I've always picture it to look. My abilities might not even be used in a school setting, or they might. I may not get my dream teaching job in a year, or ever, but I believe God will give me opportunities to use the gifts He has given me with for His purposes, to make an impact for His kingdom and bring Him glory.

Sorry if that was a bit of ramble, but that's my heart this week!

A much needed break in the busy

Today I have a day off, and not only is it a day off but it's a day when the entire apartment complex I live in has off and it is silent. I think I forgot what silence is like- and how much I really enjoy it. Don't get me wrong I love to be around people, but lately this has been my life: get up, rush around to get to school, teach all day, come home help make dinner and eat it, prepare for the next day or work on projects and go to bed- then repeat. It has been draining. I'm the kind of person who needs some alone time and have not been getting it as often as I like. I can honestly say yesterday afternoon was my first time of "alone" time in over a week- crazy.

Since I've been rushing around and trying to get as much done in a day as I can my time with God has been lacking. For awhile there I was only opening my bible for group bible study times or to look something up to send to someone or to talk with my roommates. I need my time with God, we all do, without it everything falls out of sync: our hearts, our minds, our attitudes. Lately I've been trying my hardest to get up without pushing the snooze button to make time to be with God- and those days have been magnificent. So today, in midst of all of my projects and assignments, and thinking about wedding plans I am going to focusing on taking the time to be still, to just be with God. This needs to happen much more often and I'm hoping that it will.

In other news: next week is the half-way point of student teaching and this week marks seven months until the wedding. This will be my third and last week teaching full-time in the math room after this week I'll move onto other subjects and even other grades- I'm pretty excited to see what all is in store! I know that I can only do all that needs to be done through His strength and I can only glorify Him if I'm making it about Him. My soul is hungry for His word, in the busyness and planning it isn't satisfied and it won't ever be.

"If we truly want to find Him, we must stay empty and hungry for God alone...we have many tasks, even responsibilities, which have come from Heaven. However, the greatest need of our soul is to be with Jesus." - Francis Frangipane

Student Teaching

Hello :)
So it's been far too long since I've posted but life has had some changes and I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm halfway through my second week of student teaching in third grade. I am loving it- my co-op is awesome, the kids are great and I already have so many funny stories I can hardly remember them all.
Last week was pretty hectic, Monday the kids started and all was well until lunch time on Wednesday when my cooperating teacher had a family emergency and had to leave suddenly. We had just started any sort of content that morning and since the classes rotate 3 times 1 1/2 of the class periods were finished by lunch- leaving 1 1/2 more classes left for the day. The school placed someone in the room with me who said "you've been here so you'll bee fine to teach- right" YIKES! It turned out great though, she tag-teamed everything with me and it all turned out fine. My teacher ended up being out the rest of the week and between the sub and I things were kept running and the routine was kept. In the end I'm really thankful for the experience.

Sometime last week I saw this quote by Ann Voskamp which was such a great reminder:

"Because it's never about your capabilities. When you're in covenant with Christ, it's His responsibility to cover your cracks, to be all your competency and completeness. Inabilities, in Christ, are made all-sufficient, just-right abilities. Abandon worries and wholly abide."

I have a feeling I may attach that to my binder for this semester somewhere. It's SO not about what we can do, but all about what God is doing through us. Love that.

Big Reminders from Little People

So tonight was my last night of the summer at my second job. I made a new friend there, he was four years old and was one of those children that if you give them the opportunity they will tell you their life story. He told things, repeated those things, and as we made animals out of play-doh an interesting conversation came up.

Boy: Polar bears are dying, so are whales. Do you know what death is?
Me: (completely shocked by this question and wanting to hear this small child's definition) what is it?
Boy: It's when we aren't on earth anymore, we go up to heaven- well, only if we know Jesus. Do you know Jesus?
Me: yes I do!
Boy: So you know that he died so we can go to heaven?
Me: (smiling big) yes I do.
Boy: Good. Do you know that God likes our prayers and listens to them? He knows everything we need. Do you know that?
Me: Yep (nodding and smiling even bigger)
Boy: Good, it's the truth.

Out of the mouths of babes, truth! God is so great! It's amazing what and who He uses to get our attention. God used that adorable little boy to remind me that He is in control and He hears me and knows all that I need. So comforting.

I want to give You EVERYTHING.

This is my prayer as I think about everything that is going to happen in the next year :)

Campfires, Silly Songs, and Jesus

This upcoming week is the last week of camp. I can't believe it's come to an end, Friday it started to hit me that next year I won't be returning and that I have no clue what God has planned for what I will be doing.

The summer after Fourth grade I went to camp for the first time. I was terrified. Months leading up to it I would spend sleepless nights crying about how I afraid to go- and I was only going for one week. One day into camp I was in love, I never wanted to leave. There was (and still is) just something so special about being at camp- the singing, the quiet, the silly, and I absolutely loved how close I felt to God at camp when I was younger. At home, yea I would go to church and sunday school and wednesday night bible club but camp was different.

At camp we would have campfire messages each night, quiet devotions each morning, and time each day with our counselor where they would teach a bible lesson. I think I can honestly say that I was saved in sunday school at a young age but I fell in love with Jesus at camp. Each summer I would go back and fall deeper into relationship with Him and it would continue throughout the year mostly (there is always that mountaintop feeling after camp that I never quite got to stay entirely through the school year). Camp was a place empty of problems and worries and full of Jesus.

Once I hit the end of middle school I joined my original camp's counselor in training program, eventually counseled there and began going to a beach camp with my church youth group (which was special in its own way but loved just as much in my heart).

When I got to college I decided that God called me to stay home in the summers and I began working at a christian day camp near to my home (all the amazing-ness of my first camp minus the sleep-away and campfire fun).

This way may be my last week at camp ever, and it could very well not be- who know's what God has in His blueprint for me, but I know one thing. I have one week left this summer with these kids, one week left to show them Jesus. I pray that this week they would fall in love with Christ and make the decision to become a follower of Him, leaving the worldly way behind. I pray that the kids who only know of Jesus and hear about Him because of camp that they would have a fire in their heart to want to know more, to seek Him even when their families and homes don't. I pray that their eyes would be enlightened and that they would know the HOPE that there is in Christ, that they would yearn to be a part of His kingdom and live as a child of the King.

I don't know what God has planned for me next year, but I do know that this week He has me at camp loving on these kids and being His light. We are all messy, we're all sinners and it's only by His grace that we can have hope and walk in His glorious ways. I will miss this camp next summer more than I can say, but I know that, just as camp was the place where I fell in love with Jesus and my life was changed, kids will be impacted and He will use it to make kingdom decisions and life changes for however long it exists.