Change in the Making

So I realize that it's been f-o-r-e-v-e-r since I've written on this, I kind of just made it, wrote in it and never returned to it. So much has happened in my heart and my mind since I wrote last, God's been doing big things in revealing Himself to me. I won’t be saying to much about Africa in this post but hopefully as time goes on I’ll write about it more. About a week ago I returned from most definitely the biggest adventure of my life as of yet. So much happened and I learned great leaps and bounds (God's still teaching me some lessons from the trip and I'm sure He will continue to do so for a LONG time.)

This past week I've had time to reflect back on the summer, my life and my relationship with God over the past few years. My time in Africa was a time with very limited communication outside of our team, and very few distractions I could easily sit for an hour or more journaling and praying and reading: spending time being still and communicating with God only. That time was so fruitful, and such a blessing. It was amazing to spend that much intimate time with God; I have never felt so close to Him as I feel now. This trip not only opened my eyes up to the world but to the largeness and sovereignty of God. I'm in awe of His greatness. He is so full of grace and so loving and I don't deserve ANY of it in ANY way- none of us do. He’s amazing. Something that has been on my mind a lot since I've gotten back is "okay God so you revealed so much of Yourself to me in Africa and revealed to me a lot about myself, how do I apply it here." If you've ever gone to a camp or on mission trip of any kind you know that when you get back you're on a "spiritual high" and typically in a few weeks that’s gone, once reality hits you go back to your normal way of living. I’ve spent a majority of this past week trying to go against the flow of the ‘normal’ I’ve tried to apply the changes and what I have learned the past six weeks to my ‘real life’ because let’s face it- if I don’t try to do it now it probably won’t happen. It’s been so freeing to just take time to BE with God and to take time to surrender what I’m doing to Him- He has filled me with and inexpressible and glorious joy that I never want to fade. I know that as I start working and head back to school in a few weeks that it will become harder to go against the norm but I really desire nothing more than to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ.

Right now I feel so full and so satisfied; my heart is so full of joy at times I feel like it could explode. I never want to fall of this ‘mountain top’ and back into the valley again I want to continue climbing- continuing to strive after God and living my life for Him. Christ is all I want to live for. These times I’ve spent alone with God I’ve seen how much my life and my mind revolve around MY wants, MY needs, and MY worries and how little I surrender myself to Him. Something that hit me kind of hard the first few weeks in Togo was the fact that in sharing the gospel with people I would often say that “Christ is the only thing that can fill you and satisfy you, He is ALL you need.” I spent a good amount of time thinking ‘if this is what I truly believe, do I live like that?’ the answer is no. That was a hard reality to meet, it was definitely a turning point. I know that Christ is the only thing that can fill me, and that He can transform an mold my life in MUCH greater ways that I could ever imagine or attempt to create for myself. I am blessed with so much: amazing friends, the ability to go to school, really every moment I am showered with countless blessings (we all are) but we don’t NEED any of it. The moment we start living as if we are the ones in control of our lives or that anything we have in our lives is more important than God, that’s the moment we stop trusting God. That hits hard too: how often do our thoughts and actions revolve around ourselves, how often do we surrender ourselves and our blessings to God and say “God it’s all yours- use it as you please” I know it’s been pretty rare in my life.

In Togo I started reading a book called “The Pursuit of God” by A.W. Tozer and it talks a little bit about this:
“We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety. This is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really save which is not so committed.”

I need to let go of everything I cling to, no matter how difficult it is and cling to Christ with EVERYTHING. When my life is committed to Him what could be better?
At the beginning of this week I wrote out a few questions to ask myself on a daily (well, continual) basis:
1. Who am I living for right at this moment, who am I glorifying: God or myself?
2. Have I surrendered this to God? Am I trusting Him with it- or trying to deal with it on my own?

My deepest desire is to grow deeper in relationship with God and live fully surrendered to Him. I really hope that as life starts to pick up that I’ll remember that this life is not about me, that I am blessed beyond imagination, and that the Creator of the universe loves me and hold my every moment in the palm of His hand. Christ is all that I need, all that any of us need.